First of all, I love your style of writing. It seems very different, but in a good way. Also, as Audy said, the relation you showed between Bill and Randy was very well written. It's how two very close guys would be. Since I've got nothing to correct, I'll just tell you what I liked.
The opening: It was hilarious, and is a great way to open a story.
There is one thing I want to say though. There are a lot of dialogues , and at some places, I got a little confused as to who was talking. Why not try something like, 'he said, with a smile.' or 'he said grumpily.' or whatever else can be used to describe the way a person is talking, somewhere in between of a long dialogue. That way, the readers won't get confused.
You know what the name "Mr. Bigsby" reminds me of? Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide. It was a show that came on one of our cartoon channels here. The main character's name of Ned Bigsby. (Totally off topic~)
“So how’d you guys get here?” Emily asked.
“It’s a long story.”
“It’s a long walk.”
So I've actually seen this line a lot, in almost every comedy story that I've read. But it still always manages to make me giggle.
My favorite part in the whole story:
--Satan. Prince of Darkness. Lord of the Underworld. CEO of BP Corporations.--
CEO of BP Corporations? I just love you now xDD This was so new and fresh, and hilarious!
Anyways, I would love to read more of your works! PM me next time you post something?
-TwistedMuffins.
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Points: 5497
Reviews: 117