z

Young Writers Society


How to Build a Fire Dialogue



User avatar
7 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 770
Reviews: 7
Thu Oct 06, 2011 8:42 pm
View Likes
FutureAstronaut says...



I waited, looking at the fire-provider playing with sticks, poking the fire, “What 'r ya doing! Stop playing with the fire! Yeah, dropping them on the ground is going to magically make the fire disappear,” I expounded, sarcasm dripping from my muzzle like the man's ever-growing amber beard. Obviously he can't understand me. The snow stroked my back with freezing fingers. I shifted uneasily, hoping that he would eventually make a fire. Why do I have this guy as my master? He can't even keep a fire going for five seconds.
I lay there, watching the man intently as he made throat-noises I’ve never heard before: “C' mon boy, get o'er here.” He crooned, “Come 'ere boy. Get your warm, safe, furry, insulated hide o' er right now.” He looked anxious, “Get over here NOW!” He yelled, his voice cutting the silence of the Arctic wilderness like a knife through butter. “Get y' er mangy hide over hear now! I’m tired of you not listening to me!”
I knew something was up with this guy, “I'm tired of you now listening! Blah blah blah,” I growled, sticking my fur up so he knows I’m not following along. “Idiot! Build a fire! What do you not get about Fire= good and No Fire= bad!”
I saw him sitting there, biting the paw- coverings. He tried to slide them over his fur-less paws and finally got them on after careful work. And he's part of the dominate species? I wondered, waiting for him to do something of some intelligence. He got onto his hands and knees, and I mirrored him, “What do you want now your intelligent-ness? A glass of water, or maybe the same thing I want, a FIRE you imbecile! Hurry up!” I was mad now. He just looked around, happening to glance towards me. He caught sight of me, and his Eskmonian face lit up like a light in a dark room.
I looked up, waiting for him to make the first move. He stood up, balancing for a second, then glanced at his feet. “What, do you need to make sure that your feet are still there? I can take 'em away if you want.”He started making throat-noises much like the ones he usually talks to me with.
“Get o' er 'ere now you dumb animal! Come here now. I am going to whip your hide so hard when we get to the boys!” I had no choice but to walk towards him, still aware of the danger I might be in. I drooped my ears down, waiting for what might happen.
He lunged toward me, and I tried to evade his freezing appendages but to no avail. I had the man's arms around me, and I couldn’t get away. “What is wrong with you! Oh strong and powerful master, if you're so powerful, why do you need my unworthy self to provide you with warmth. Ouch! That hurts!” I growled, snapping at his arms. What strikes me as odd is the fact he has not clasped onto me with his paws but only wrapped his arms around my abdomen. I got the impression he was trying to kill me although I couldn't be sure.
I shook as if my coat housed a million raindrops, but nothing happened. I struggled, making sure not to hurt my master, for if he survived, he would give me a whipping like no other. I growled, waiting for the man to release or kill me. I knew both were possible, although the latter wouldn't be possible with his freezing hands.
“Hehehe, you can't do anything to me 'cause I'm more ready for this weather then your unprepared self. You're freezin' to death and I would just like a fire. I knew you should've listened to that elder at Sulphur Creek, he had some good advice. Ya stupid animal.”
He let me go eventually, and I sprinted away, waiting a good forty paw steps away. I snarled, sending the message I wouldn't let my warmth go to him. He looked at me, obviously defeated by the extreme cold. “What's wrong? Don't know what to do in this cold? How about get up? Your hands and feet are freezing off is why you have to look for them. I hope that was something you already knew. If not I have a good reason to be worried.” I watched him with anxiousness as he slapped his hands to his sides for a good five minutes.
He stood up, still unsteady on his feet. He started to walk, but gradually increased into a sprint, “Ooh, we get to run! I bet I can beat you to that tree.” I ran on, continuing to follow my master who slowed with each passing second. We ran on, but had to stop because my endurance obviously surpassed my master's. But he had a fire burning inside telling him that he couldn't stop, or else death was immanent.
He started up again, but at times he stumbled and almost fell. He tried again, this time plunging down into the deadly snow, trying to rise but was unable, “Way to go oh Graceful Master. I now realize that you are frozen. I feel really bad for you but you're going to die and even if I wanted to I couldn't help.” I told him, letting him know I wanted to but couldn't help his every fading life.
He got up again, making a wild dash for the camp. He fell again, although I don't think he was going to get back up. I sat down in front of him, wrapping my tail over my forepaws to keep them warm. I watched, waiting to see if I got to run again. “Come on Master, I wanna run again. I have a feeling you aren't going to make it, but I wish you would come run with me one last time.” I crooned, lying down next to him.
“Old boy, you've been so good to me, why was I so mean to you? You have been such a good animal to me even when I wasn't a good master. I just want you to go to the camp when I don’t make it. Thank you once again.” His eyes were slowly drooping. He looked ahead, but I did not see what he must of. He lay there for what in reality was only a few minutes, but to me felt like a lifetime. His eyes shut for the last time, I sat back, and howled. I howled for his stupidity and to let the wild wolves, my brethren, that dinner was served. I walked to the next snow covered ridge, over which I knew was the boys' camp.
Music and writing= my life
  





Random avatar


Gender: Female
Points: 970
Reviews: 3
Thu Oct 06, 2011 10:10 pm
littleblackdog says...



Ooh, dogs *comes running* I absolutely adore Jack London!


I waited, looking at the fire-provider playing with sticks, poking the fire, “What 'r ya doing! Stop playing with the fire! Yeah, dropping them on the ground is going to magically make the fire disappear,” I expounded, sarcasm dripping from my muzzle like the man's ever-growing amber beard. Obviously he can't understand me. The snow stroked my back with freezing fingers. <I like that a lotI shifted uneasily, hoping that he would eventually make a fire. Why do I have this guy as my master? He can't even keep a fire going for five seconds.
I lay there, watching the man intently as he made throat-noises I’ve never heard before: “C' mon boy, get o'er here.” He crooned, “Come 'ere boy. Get your warm, safe, furry, insulated hide o' er right now.” He looked anxious, “Get over here NOW!” He yelled, his voice cutting the silence of the Arctic wilderness like a knife through butter. “Get y' er mangy hide over hear now! I’m tired of you not listening to me!”
I knew something was up with this guy, “I'm tired of you not listening! Blah blah blah,” I growled, sticking my fur up so he knows I’m not following along. “Idiot! Build a fire! What do you not get about Fire= good and No Fire= bad?
I saw him sitting there, biting the paw- coverings. He tried to slide them over his fur-less paws and finally got them on after careful work. And he's part of the dominant species? I wondered, waiting for him to do something of some intelligence. He got onto his hands and knees, and I mirrored him, “What do you want now I think a comma between these two words would make it a lot less confusing.your intelligent-ness? A glass of water, or maybe the same thing I want, like a FIRE you imbecile! Hurry up!” I was mad now. He just looked around, happening to glance towards me. He caught sight of me, and his Eskmonian face lit up like a light in a dark room.
I looked up, waiting for him to make the first move. He stood up, balancing for a second, then glanced at his feet. “What, do you need to make sure that your feet are still there? I can take 'em away if you want.”He started making throat-noises much like the ones he usually talks to me with.
“Get o' er 'ere now you dumb animal! Come here now. I am going to whip your hide so hard when we get to the boys!” I had no choice but to walk towards him, still aware of the danger I might be in. I drooped my ears down, waiting for what might happen.
He lunged toward me, and I tried to evade his freezing appendages but to no avail. I had the man's arms around me, and I couldn’t get away. “What is wrong with you! Oh strong and powerful master, if you're so powerful, why do you need my unworthy self to provide you with warmth. Ouch! That hurts!” I growled, snapping at his arms. What strikes me as odd is the fact he has not clasped onto me with his paws but only wrapped his arms around my abdomen. I got the impression he was trying to kill me although I couldn't be sure.
I shook as if my coat housed a million raindrops, but nothing happened. I struggled, making sure not to hurt my master, for if he survived, he would give me a whipping like no other. I growled, waiting for the man to release or kill me. I knew both were possible, although the latter wouldn't be possible with his freezing hands.
“Hehehe, you can't do anything to me 'cause I'm more ready for this weather then your unprepared self. You're freezin' to death and I would just like a fire. I knew you should've listened to that elder at Sulphur Creek, he had some good advice. Ya stupid animal.” Who is talking?
He let me go eventually, and I sprinted away, waiting a good forty paw steps away. You said away twice in the same sentence perhaps "I sprinted off" or "I fled from him" or something?I snarled, sending the message I wouldn't let my warmth go to him. He looked at me, obviously defeated by the extreme cold. “What's wrong? Don't know what to do in this cold? How about get up? Your hands and feet are freezing off is why you have to look for them. I hope that was something you already knew. If not I have a good reason to be worried.” I watched him with anxiousness as he slapped his hands to his sides for a good five minutes. Is he being sarcastic or concerned or both? I am not really sure.
He stood up, still unsteady on his feet. He started to walk, but gradually increased into a sprint, “Ooh, we get to run! I bet I can beat you to that tree.” I ran on, continuing to follow my master who slowed with each passing second. We ran on, but had to stop because my endurance obviously surpassed my master's. But he had a fire burning inside telling him that he couldn't stop, or else death was immanent.
He started up again, but at times he stumbled and almost fell. He tried again, this time plunging down into the deadly snow, trying to rise but was unable. “Way to go, oh Graceful Master. I now realize that you are frozen. I feel really bad for you but you're going to die and even if I wanted to I couldn't help.” I told him, letting him know I wanted to but couldn't help his ever-fading life."If I wanted to I couldn't help" and "I wanted to but couldn't help" are both in this one sentence.
He got up again, making a wild dash for the camp. He fell again, although I don't think he was going to get back up. I sat down in front of him, wrapping my tail over my forepaws to keep them warm. I watched, waiting to see if I got to run again. “Come on Master, I wanna run again. I have a feeling you aren't going to make it, but I wish you would come run with me one last time.” I crooned, lying down next to him.
“Old boy, you've been so good to me, why was I so mean to you? You have been such a good animal to me even when I wasn't a good master. I just want you to go to the camp when I don’t make it. Thank you once again.” His eyes were slowly drooping. He looked ahead, but I did not see what he must ofThis sentence is very confsuing. He lay there for what in reality was only a few minutes, but to me felt like a lifetime. His eyes shut for the last time, I sat back, and howled. I howled for his stupidity and to let the wild wolves, my brethren, that dinner was served.*Shudders*That's so creepy, but in a good way I walked to the next snow covered ridge, over which I knew was the boys' camp.


I liked this story. It has a dog in it, yay! I personally really dig stories with animals in them, and this was good and sad. My only problem is I don't really uundersand what the dog was feeling. One second he is calling his owner and idiot and the next he is apparently anxious; I cannot see anything that suggests his changing emotions.

Except for the "Nitpicks" (not sure what that word means but it's used a lot on this site so...) good job. Keep up the good work :)


EDIT: I found the real story and read it. I see now why the dog wasn't too fond of the man.
Therefore brothers, whatever is good, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is commendable; if there is any excellence, if there is anything to be praised, think upon these things (Phillipians 4:8)
  








"Who am I? I'm just a writer. I write things down. I walk through your dreams and invent the future."
— Richard Siken