Young Writers Society

Wake up.
“Hello?”
Hello, Michael.
“Who is this? Who the hell’s talking to me?”
I am.
“Where are you? How’d you get inside my house?”
I’m not inside your house.
“What?”
I’m inside you.
“…what?”
This is your cancer speaking.

***

You need to buy milk. That jug’s gone bad.
“No it hasn’t.”
It’s past the expiration date.
“That doesn’t mean it’s bad. It doesn’t smell bad. Besides, I need it for my coffee.”
Very well. Where are we going?
“I’m going to work; you’re going to the back of my head.”
You don’t believe me when I tell you what I am?
“Of course not, I’m just stressed.”
You were stressed yesterday and yet I wasn’t here.
“It’s a buildup of stress.”
Of course it is.


You know the shower won’t help, right? I’m not in your hair.
“Uh huh.”
Don’t forget to wash the soap out of your ears. You always forget. You need to stop that.



You’re in the toll lane again.
“I’m aware of that.”
The toll-tag guys just go right through.
“Something else I’m aware of.”
You should get one of those toll tags.
“I’ve been meaning to.”
About as long as you’ve been meaning to finish your novel?
“Whatever.”
…
“Nothing to say?”
I just realized something.
“What?”
You forgot to make coffee before you left.

***

--“Hey, Mike!”
“Hey, Charlie.”
--“Ready for the big presentation today?”
“Of course—”
No you’re not.
“—you better watch yourself, Charlie, cause I’m feeling great, and I plan on snatching one of those internship spots.”
What are you doing? Why are you talking like that?
--“You and me both, man. I’ll go easy on ya, though—”
No he won’t.
--“—guys like us always stick together.”
No you don’t.
“I’m sure we’ll be fine.”
Of course you will.

“And as you can see from the projected quarterly outputs, the sales profit has increased—uh, increased exponentially…”
Feeling tired?
“From the quota you can see the sales profit has increased exponentially comp—compared to last year’s…quota…”
Maybe you should sit down?
--“Mike, are you okay? You look really pale.”
“I’m fine, Mr. Harpner…I’m fine.”
--“Maybe you should sit down, Mike. I can handle it from here.”
“I’m okay, Charlie. You stick with what you know…”
--“I’m sorry?”
“Always…trying to take my ideas…my things…f—fucking thief…”
Maybe you should sit down, Mike? Before you fall.
“My internship…”
I warned you.



--“Mike? Mike, are you okay?”
“Ch—Charlie? Wha…what happened?”
You pissed your pants and passed out.
“Did I piss my pants?”
--“Yeah, Mike, you did. Then you passed out.”
“And how’d that go?”
--“It was interesting, I’ll give you that.”
Maybe you should go to the hospital?
--“Maybe you should go to the hospital, Mike.”
“Maybe I should.”
You should.

***

--“Mr. Swan, I’m Dr. Swanson.”
“Really?”
--“Yes.”
“Okay then.”

--“Well, Mr. Swan, the results of the scan shouldn’t be in for a while. I’ll call you in the morning.”
“Thanks, Doc.”
--“It’s Dr. Swanson.”
“Of course.”
--“My nurse will have your bill up front.”
“This is covered by my insurance, right?”
--“Some of it, yes.”
“Shit.”
--“What was that, Mr. Swan?”
“Nothing, Doc, I appreciate your time.”
--“It’s Dr. Swanson.”
“I know.”

***

--“Goo’ evenin’, Mike!”
“Hey Samantha. What’s with the accent?”
--“Ah, I don’ know what’cha talkeen’ ‘bout. This be me normal voice.”
“Come on now.”
--“Party pooper.”
“It’s a gift. So what’s the deal?”
--“Just something I’ve been trying with customers I haven’t had before.”
“Cute. I didn’t know you worked today.”
--“I always work today.”
“Really? I had no idea.”
--“Course you didn’t. So how’re things?”
“Good…good. You know, as good as they can be.”
Liar.
--“I hear ya.”
“Yep.”
--“Weren’t you in here Tuesday?”
“Yeah, but I needed some things to tide me over for the weekend.”
--“Like a gallon of milk?”
Aren’t you glad you listened?
“And the Juicy Fruit, don’t forget that.”
--“Oh, how could I?”
Flirting, I like it.
“Hush.”
--“What was that?”
“No, I was…talking to someone else—never mind.”
--“Okay…the total will be $3.87.”
“Here you go.”
--“Thank you, and here’s your change.”
“Alright, I’ll see you Tuesday, or...whenever I need more milk.”
--“See ya soon.”

***

Well today was a fun day, wasn’t it? Pissing your pants at work, full body scans, almost made a real audible connection with that Samantha girl.
“Are you going to be doing this all night?”
Until you fall asleep, sure.
“Then I best get to work on that.”

Hey, Michael.
“I thought we agreed you’d stop bothering me when I’m in bed.”
I just want to ask you something, don’t bite my head off.
“Fine…what is it?”
Are you worried about the scan results?
“I’m trying not to think about it.”
How do you manage that?
“I don’t know. I think talking to you all the time helps.”
Really?
“Yeah.”
You know I’m the whole reason for the scan, right? And anything it shows.
“I know.”
Fucked up, ain’t it?
“It sure is.”

***

Wake up, Michael! Wake up.
“Ugh…”
Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up—
“Alright, alright! God…I’m up.”

You forgot to wash your ears again.
“I’m getting back in…”

Got everything?
"Yep. Coffee, keys, phone, wallet…wait, no, missing my wallet."
You forgot your wallet?
“Guess so.”
You never forget your wallet.
“I know.”

***

--“So Mike, how’s it going, Broskie?”
Broskie?
“Hey, Charlie.”
Did he just call you ‘Broskie’?
--“So you get any info about the internship?”
“Nope, not yet, still waiting.”
--“Hopefully you find out soon; there’s two spots left now and I need someone to pick up my slack.”
Funny.
“You got a position? Congrats, man. Good luck, too.”
--“Lucks got nothing to do with it, Mike, I run on pure talent. Bam!”
“You run on something, all right.”
--“What’s that?”
“Nothing. Look, I gotta take this call, it’s the hospital, be back in a minute.”
--“Oh don’t worry about it, I’m done eating; first as always.”
“Yep.”
--“Well good luck, man, hope it’s nothing serious.”
“Thought you said luck had nothing to do with it.”
--“Well, not with me.”
“Ha.”
What a douche.



“Hello?”
--“Mr. Swan?”
“Hey Doc—“
--“It’s—“
“—ter Swanson.”
--“Oh.”
“What were you saying?”
--“Never mind.”
Nice one.
--“I have your report here, Mr. Swan. We can go over the basics over the phone if you wish but I’ll need you to come in to schedule a follow-up so we can go over the results in detail.”
“A follow-up?”
--“That’s correct.”
This is how it starts.
“Just tell me.”
--“It’s bad, Mr. Swan.”
“Bad? How bad is ‘bad’?”
--“’Bad’ is very bad.”
“That’s bad.”
--“It’s cancer.”
“What kind?”
--“Of the kidneys.”
“Kidney cancer?”
--“That’s right. It’s currently in Stage Two. Now this is a bit more serious, but still localized, which means we can treat it if we act quickly. I’ll give you a referral for a treatment center and start arranging things with your insurance.”
“Okay. This isn’t so bad though, right? I mean I still have another kidney, don’t I?”
--“I’m afraid it doesn’t work that way, Mr. Swan.”
I’m sorry, Michael.

***

“Mr. Harpner?”
--“Oh hello, Mike.”
“Is this a bad time?”
--“Of course not, son, get in here.”
Guy calls you ‘son’?
“Thank you, sir. I wanted to talk to you about what happened yesterday.”
--“You sure gave us quite a scare.”
“I know, I realize that, and I want to explain.”
--“Nerves getting to you? Stress? Trust me, it happens. I once crapped my pants in an elevator cause my boss kept me on so many errands I didn’t have time to get to the bathroom for a whole day.”
“That’s…nice?”
--“Don’t tell anyone else I told you that.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it.”
This man is awesome. He likes you.
--“You know I like ya, kid—”
See?
--“—so what’s on your mind? What’s stressing you out?”
“It’s not stess, sir.”
--“It ain’t?”
“No.”
--“Then what’s the problem?”
“I went to a doctor yesterday, just got results in today. I may need a few days off soon.”
--“What’s wrong, Mike?”
“It’s cancer.”
--“…cancer?””
“Yes sir.”
--“Where?”
“In my kidneys.”
--“I see.”


--“You’ve met my son, haven’t you?”
“Yes sir.”
--“I bet you didn’t know I had two, did you?”
“No sir.”
--“He was young when I lost him, younger than you. Heart cancer.”
“God.”
--“It’s one of the rarest forms, almost never goes beyond benign tumors, but Sam wasn’t lucky. He was always different. Special. I guess his body was too.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
--“You come to me when you need time off and you’ll have it.”
“Thank you, Mr. Harpner, but I’m okay for now.”
--“Don’t you do that. Don’t put this off. This isn’t an unpaid bill or a late report. This is big. Don’t let this swallow you.”
“I won’t.”
--“I know. You’re a fighter, I can tell. Now go home. Finish the reports there and bring them in tomorrow.”
“Thank you, sir. Before I go, do you mind if I ask you something?”
--“Shoot.”
“About the internship…”
--“That’s what you’re worried about?”
“A little bit.”
--“That’s why you’ll always get ahead, why you stay later than anyone else. It’s also why you’re still single and always eat TV dinners for lunch.”
“Thank you?”
--“You’ve already got it. Now go home. Now.”

***

There’s still hope. You heard what Dr. Swanson said.
“He said it was inoperable.”
But he said it was still treatable. And we caught it before it got serious. Now you’ve got a name for a treatment center and we can get started.
“You know I’ll be fighting you with this treatment?”
I know.
“And you’re okay with that?”
There’s plenty more of me, Michael. This part just happens to talk.

***

“I’ve decided to give you a name.”
Really now?
“Really.”
What have you come up with?
“Bob.”
Bob?
“Yeah. Like Robert, but shorter.”
Interesting…
“Do you not like it?”
I do, actually.
“Good.”
I’m still killing you.
"I know."

***

--“Mr. Swan, nice to meet you, I’m Dr. Dovetail.”
"Seriously?"
--“Yes.”
“Alright then.”

--“I’m glad you’ve chosen The Northbend Cancer Treatment Center as your treatment center of choice.”
Did he just repeat the same thing twice?
“I didn’t really choose it; I just got a referral from Dr. Swanson.”
--“All the same.”
It really isn’t.
--“From what I read here, the placement of your Cancer makes operation exceedingly difficult, as the tumor has massed itself right along your main renal artery. It’s quite an extraordinary occurrence, I must say.”
“Maybe they can study me after I’m dead.”
--“Now don’t be that way. We gotta stay positive, Mr. Swan. Gotta keep our eye...on…the…ball.”
Why…is…he…doing…that?
“Oh yeah, I’m right there with you. Eye on the ball.”
--“Now we need to talk chemotherapy. This seems to be one of our few options.”
“Sounds great.”
--“Now there’s also a little matter of payment and your insurance.”
Sounds great.

***

“Mom…it’s Michael.”
--“Hey, Michael. How you been? It’s been so long since you called, let me get your brother on the phone.”
“Jake’s there?”
--“He’s visiting for a few days before heading back to New York. Let me go get him.”
“That’s okay, Mom.”
--“He’s watching the game right now. He says ‘hi’.”
“That does sound like something Jake would say.”
--“Still a joker.”
“Always.”
--“So what’s up?”
“There’s something I need to talk to you about.”
--“I’m listening.”
“Something’s happened, Mom…something serious. Expensive, too.”
--“Michael…”
“I don’t know what else to do.”
--“Michael, you’re scaring me.”
“I’m …I’m gonna need some help.”

***

--“Well Mr. Swanson, here we are, first day of Chemo. You ready?”
“Much as I’ll ever be.”
--“Good, I like the enthusiasm. I’ll get the drip and we’ll get you set up. Your family should be able to come see you once everything’s ready. Did you want a book to read or something?”
“I’m okay.”
--“You sure? You’ll be here a long time.”
“I’m sure I’ll find a way to keep myself entertained.”
I’m sure we will.


“Hey, Mike.”
--“Hey, Jake.”
“Where’s Mom?”
--“Stepped out for a smoke.”
“She still smokes?”
--“I think this is a special occasion.”
“Right.”
--“You know I always pictured myself to be the one in this position, never you. Older brother; was always the daredevil in the family, the risk taker.”
“You say risk taker, I say screw-up.”
--“Tomay-toe, tomah-toe.”
“Whatever.”
--“I’m sorry, Mike.”
“For what?”
--“For whatever I have to be sorry for.”
“You gotta be more specific, man.”
--“You know I love you, right?”
“I know. I’d give you a hug but I’d rip out the IV.”
--“How bout we just watch some South Park instead?”
“Sounds good to me.”


Alone at last, huh?
“Alone at last.”
You…you doing okay?
“Yeah. How ‘bout you, Bob?”
I’m good. Hangin’ in there.
“That’s a shame.”
Funny.
“I thought it was.”
Well, we got four more hours of this left to ‘enjoy’.

***

--“Mornin’, buddy.”
“Oh…hey, Charlie.”
Oh God, him.
--“How you doing?”
How does he think you’re doing?
“Doing great.”
--“Really? Cause you look a ‘lil pale. Little thinner, too. Work getting to ya? Gotta keep going, man, keep it up. You’re pretty good at this job, man, don’t screw up now. Gotta keep your eye on the prize, that internship. It could still be yours if that little collapse last week didn’t mess things up.”
“Thanks for the advice, Charlie.”
--“Maybe you should spend some more time in the gym. Maybe go run around the parks like I do. Get yourself some sun.”
This man cannot be serious.
--“You know I heard Janet talking about you earlier today, said you were throwing up in the third floor bathroom. I tell ya, nothing gets by her—”
“Charlie.”
--“Yeah, buddy?”
“Just shut your mouth. Please? Please, for the love of Christ, quit being such a damn mouth-breather.”
--“Whoa—”
“And just so you know, I got the position days ago.”

***

Can you feel that? That’s the chemo.
--“Hey Mike, how you been?”
“Okay.”
--“You look a little tired.”
“I know.”
--“So how’re things?”
“Samantha, I’m sorry, but I can’t talk right now.”
Gotta find a toilet?
--“Oh, that’s cool.”
“Can you just ring me up?”
--“Yeah…sure, Mike.”
“Thanks.”
Better run.

***

You should ask her out.
“Who?”
That girl at the checkout counter. You only come here when she’s working.
“I do not.”
Suit yourself. But I KNOW you like her. I can feel it.
“What does that mean? How do you know that?”
Because now I’m in your brain.

Ooh, cliffhanger! Although honestly I'm not too hopeful for Mike...

Wait, your name is Mike...at least your screen name...

Okay, well, moving on from that for now, I guess...

I don't actually have anything to criticize, except there was one typo where you meant to say "which" but you said "hich." Other than that, this is really interesting. Unique. The fact that this entire story is in dialogue is what made me read it, because as we all know, I am too lazy to read a normal short story, but dialogue flows faster. We get a definite feel for all the characters here - Charlie is a douche bag, Harpner is pretty cool, Samantha seems fun, we pity Mike and yet at the same time we kind of like Bob, even though he's the bad guy, more or less. I think this is very well done, and I hope everything's okay on your end.

I know this didn't help, but I thought I'd tell you what I liked, anyway...an ego-boost is always nice.

~Blue

Why the heck did I ever open my mouth and say anything about parts?!? I like it. I'll do a real review at the end of part two. Hurry up and posted! ~DG

By the way, Charlie is a jerk! Nice job with him. Well, not really a jerk, just annoying. Mike is a very interesting main character. He seems to accept that he has a talking tumor very well though. Not that I don't like that. I just admire his composure. Unrealistic it may be, but hey, that just brings us full circle, HE HAS A TALKING TUMOR. I don't guess realistic what you were going for.

This story is so entertaining It's funny, but at times there's just that note of seriousness that really can be very powerful. I think just about everyone has known someone who has had cancer.

I really love how you can bring characters to life through your dialogue. And I can picture every scene well even though there are no descriptions. I was never lost or confused by any of your transitions, they all flowed smoothly.

I'm really enjoying this. It reminds me a lot of that other story I read... forget what it's called. The guy kept calling that girl 'hot nurse' or something x) He had amnesia, I think.

“Mr. Swan, nice to meet you, I’m Dr. Dovetail.”
--“Seriously?”
“Yes.”
--“Alright then.”

This was the only part where you had Mike's dialogue with the double dashes -- and the other person's without any. I'm not sure if you meant to do it that way, but I thought I'd point it out.

I might have time to read the second part tonight