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Young Writers Society


Just Do It



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32 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1950
Reviews: 32
Fri Nov 04, 2011 12:19 am
Starrywolf says...



Spoiler! :
This was inspired by a movie I watched today.
I've never really tried horror, so tell me if i should just avoid the genre altogether. xD

Edit one: BBC fail
Edit two: He's her boyfriend
Edit three: typo fixes


Sarah went to the doctor’s house, because he liked to do the things called ‘repressed memory therapy’ in private.

-

Maya’s on her way home, to the new house she just got with her boyfriend and some friends of hers and his.
-
She sat on the couch opposite him. He asked, “Who am I talking to right now?”
-
She walks in during a football game. Her boyfriend and his friends ignore her, watching the game, and her friends are out shopping.
-
“Sarah.” She responded.
-
Super bowl 2011, event of the year. Maya’s relieved, at least they’ll leave her alone.
-
“Good.” He turns on the recorder. “April seventh of nineteen thirty-one. Patient number three six one, multiple personality disorder.
-
Maya goes into the kitchen and grabs a can of soda, taking a sip as she pulls her college homework out of her bag. She lays it on the table and writes her name on the top.
-
“So,” the doctor begins, “Sarah, do you remember how you got that scar on your hand?”
-
She starts slowly, careful not to mess up her math.
-
“I fell off of my bike when I was little.”
-
She finishes off the paper with a smile. “Maya, get us some beer!” Her boyfriend yells from the other room. She gets five bottles, enough for him and his friends, and brings them into the living room.
-
“Really? Because I think you got them in June of eighteen ninety-seven.”
-
“Good. Now get out of the way, you’re blocking the view.” Her boyfriend mutters. Blocking the view... why haven’t I left that abusive.... She stopped herself from thing the bad words that came to mind.
-
“I don’t remember exactly when I fell.”
“You didn’t get that scar from a bicycle, Sarah.” The doctor said quietly. He whispered into the recorder: “patient showing signs of new emotional stress.”
-
She goes upstairs to take a shower, both locking the bathroom door and blocking it with an open drawer.
-
Sarah’s voice changed. “Why do you say that?”
“Hello. And you are?”
“Andy.”
“Who else is there?”
“Sarah and Beth are both sleeping.”
“This paper says that there’s somebody else, somebody that Beth called Petey.”
-
Maya has several bruises on her stomach and neck. She’s careful to wash her hair several times, getting out all of the extra oil caused by stress.
-
“I don’t know anybody called Petey.”
“But he’s there, Andy.”
“No.”
“I’d like to speak to Beth.”
“She’s sleeping.”
“Wake her up.”
-
She finishes her shower and goes back downstairs to get the book from her bag. She tries as hard as possible not to attract the men’s attention as she made her way to the kitchen.
-
“Beth?” The doctor asked after a moment of silence.
“Yes?” The voice was different again.
Can you tell me what happened in June, eighteen ninety-seven?”
“Sarah got a pretty new dolly, and Johnny got a new knife for hunting.”
“Johnny, Sarah’s brother?”
“Yes.”
“Johnny died the day after he got the knife, Beth.”
-
She grabs the book and makes her way upstairs. With a relieved sigh, she climbs into bed.
-
“Can you tell me about Petey?” the doctor asked after another silence.
“Petey?”
“Yes, Beth. Petey. Actually, may I talk to him?”
“He’s sleeping.”
“Help me wake him up.”
“No!”
-
Maya did love the house, though. It used to belong to a doctor. He ran therapy sessions in what’s now her bedroom.
-
“Just wake Petey up!”
“No! Sarah’s a good girl, it was all his fault...”
“Then wake him up.”
“No!”
“Just...”
“NO!”
-
Maya couldn’t read the book. She couldn’t focus.
She had to leave. She couldn’t stand her abusive boyfriend, her annoying friends... she couldn’t leave though, because there’s nowhere else to go.
Her boyfriend, Jeff, liked to go hunting- she lived for those days.
-
Silence.
The voice was different again. Now it was deep, but soft, and actually sounded male. “I’m awake, doc.”
“Are you Petey?”
“Peter.”
“Yes. Can you tell me what happened in June?”
“Johnny did a very naughty thing.”
“What?”
“He left his knife next to Sarah’s new dolly. When she reached for the dolly, her hand got cut. It got blood all over her pretty new dolly, Doc.”
“And then what?”
“And then I helped Sarah.”
-
Jeff’s hunting stuff is in the closet. Guns and knives, so many shiny things.
-
“How did you help her, Peter?”
-
Maya could hear them yelling downstairs. The Bills must be winning.
-
“I introduced myself, and then told her, ‘Johnny made you get cut up, Sarah. He should be cut up too.’ And it was great timing. The knife was new. All shiny and pretty. But it wasn't red yet.”
-
She got off of the bed and walked toward the closet.
-
“Why would you tell her that?”
“Because she let me. They always let me, Doc.”
“And how did you make her let you?”
-
She picked up one his hunting knives. A shiny, new, not-yet-red-enough one.
-
“I just said, ‘Sarah, do it. Just do it.”
-
Do it, Maya.
Just do it.
Last edited by Starrywolf on Mon Nov 07, 2011 11:04 pm, edited 8 times in total.
  





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Gender: Female
Points: 969
Reviews: 3
Fri Nov 04, 2011 12:32 am
ladymay says...



What an excellent story! I like how you switched between the two characters so quickly. It was a bit confusing at first, but when I got used to it, it made the story interesting.
I also like how you left the ending open to imagination.
I did notice a few spelling mistakes, but those seem to just be from hitting the wrong buttons while you were typing.
It was good how you used to past tense for one and present tense for the other, it helped me figure out what was happening much quicker.
I did notice how at first you said Maya owned the house with her husband, and then later it said he was her boyfiend. Are they two different people, or was this just a mistake? Or maybe I just read it wrong. :)
Lots of suspense, a great read!
  





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32 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1950
Reviews: 32
Fri Nov 04, 2011 12:40 am
Starrywolf says...



Umm... nevermind. DX
Last edited by Starrywolf on Sun Nov 06, 2011 4:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.
  





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22 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1194
Reviews: 22
Fri Nov 04, 2011 6:54 pm
Lornydoo says...



Thank you for entering this marvelous piece of writing into my competition ;D xxx
I Believe That A Writers Life Is Much More Exciting Then Anyone Else's! xx
  








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