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Young Writers Society


Cataclysm



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8 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 1271
Reviews: 8
Fri Nov 04, 2011 9:07 am
JSon says...



Read this.
Spoiler! :
Hey readers and reviewers! This is my entry in the 250 word story contest "Beginning of the End". Basically the first word in the story had to be identical to the last word in the story (a difficult constraint when used in conjunction with a 250 word limit). Enjoy, but please offer your interpretations and criticisms - they are greatly appreciated. If it requires more than one reading then wonderful - that's my intention :)


Cataclysm

Time was always an elusive foe, even from the Beginning. I spent many moments – like a comet’s tail tearing through the cosmos – chasing it - never looking back at my path of destruction.

I ignored the signs, like gravitational pulls, that threatened my dreadfully direct course. Ineptness entrenched in the entropically evolving ethos of culture, an evocative explosion of ecstasy defining my existence and a plethora of paradox that rent the very foundation of my beliefs.

I am the mind. If so, I am a prisoner – whether to the very thing I chase with fervour, or to the cast and mould set well before my eyes drank crafted light. (Much like the fixed path of that cosmic symbol).

I am the heart - a pulsing organ, dripping fallacies, tautologies and illusionary iridescence. The mind, too an illusion, as is all I have made.

I fiddle with fancies, toy with trivialities, and claim correspondence with cumbersome certainties. The truth is one such cert with which I wrestle, though truly, my only struggle is the very pursuit I preach – time.

I am a deity, a force, an answer – but only to the question that I pose. Purpose is pursued, meaning is mused and time is taken. And so the ultimate foe gains more distance, while I - the “victor” – stand over my effort and swell with self-importance. No audience to cheer.

Inevitable is the End, and no redemption will I earn. “I” am humanity, and “It” is only a matter of time.
  





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229 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 7522
Reviews: 229
Fri Nov 04, 2011 8:36 pm
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AmeliaCogin says...



Hi, JSon, I'm here to review for you today!

So, I kind of get what you were going for here; you were trying to flaberghast your reader with an incredibly intricate, deeply philosophical piece. You could probably give Jane Austen a run from her money...

You obviously have a very extensive vocabulary, but I think you've overdone things just a little bit here. It was far too wordy, and your prose is completely OTT. It doesn't read well, and I quite frankly got bored.

When I first joined this site, I wasn't too dissimilar; I packed my stories full of purple prose, but soon learned that less is more.

Philosophical pieces should be very emotive; they should touch the reader deep down. Often they are the type of pieces which stick in the reader's memory long after they have been read; this short story, however, will not, I'm sorry to say. Maybe I'd just don't get 'it', but your story was a little bit confusing. I'm sorry, but I'm just being honest.

If this is for a contest, I would advise you to rework this entire piece; start again and rethink it all. I know this probably wasn't that helpful, but I hope you take my advice my board.

And, It's not you; I'm just as critical with everybody else!

Have a good day
Amelia :D
  





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8 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 1271
Reviews: 8
Sat Nov 05, 2011 1:14 am
JSon says...



Thanks Amelia! :)

I know, i know - as I was writing it i'm just like "keep cramming ambiguous things in there" and really it ties with what I was trying to convey. I don't know about the Jane Austen thing, but yes "flabberghast" is a fair word. I just thought, considering the short word limit, why not cram a really broad theme in there and see how it turns out. I was hoping its ambiguity would reflect the scope of issues surrounding humanity - where its going, where it is now, and whether any of it matters.

Even if i could resubmit a different version, I wouldn't. I''m happy with how it turned out, and I'm not sure I'm glad you got bored, but hey I had a blast writing it.
  





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229 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 7522
Reviews: 229
Sat Nov 05, 2011 7:27 am
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AmeliaCogin says...



That's good for you...as long as you're happy with it, I guess thats the most important thing! Good luck!
  








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