Young Writers Society

Finally the first day of middle school! Ashely thought as she hopped out of bed. She rushed to the bath room across the hall and got dressed quickly in her new clothes. Ashley turned and faced the mirror then sighed deeply her short black hair was a mess. She started combing through it and wondering if she should put on makeup. Why bother? she thought irritably. Ashley was 5'3 and 159 pounds and she wasn't very pretty. She turned away from the mirror and went into the living room. "Okay Mother I'm leaving!" She called to her mom who had fallen back asleep. Her mother mumbled something a rolled over on the couch.

Yuba Rivers Intermidiate School is where Ashley was a half an hour and a bus ride later. She looked around before spotting her friend. "Eva!" She called and ran over to her. "Ashely!" Eva squield before trying to hug her Ashley stepped back quickly avoiding the one thing she hated hugs. She grabbed Evas' hand "Lets get in line!" Ashley pulled Eva over to the long line to get schedules.
"Emily!" Ashley heard Eva call before she saw their friend Emily how came over and joined them in line her long brown hair flopping against her back. The talked and pushed each other playfully until the bell rang. "What do we do now?!" Ashley asked since they were still standing in line.
"If you need your schedule go to the portables!" A voice called loudly with a megaphone answering Ashelys' question.

The girls sat in the small portables surround by about fifty other kids. "Get it Charlie! What are you to stupid to get your hat back? Get it Charlie!" Some boys where yelling at a tall boy with dyed black hair. You could tell he was a special ed student. "Give it back!" Charlie said in a deep voice that somehow still managed to sound like a little kid. "Give it!"He said again. The class was laughing by now. Ashley wasn't though What give them the right to pick on him?! She thought angily. She looked at the teacher expecting the teacher to make the boys stop but the teacher was stiffling laughter also. "Get it Charlie!" The boys called again. The onlookers joined in "Get it Charlie! Get it! Charlie! Charlie! Charlie!..."

I really liked chapter one and i want to read more. It was a little short for me but maybe because i wanted to read more As an interested reader, i hated your cliff hanger at the end because now im thinking, when does chapter 2 comes out? Well, back on track, a good story, one advice is to make your novel special, unlike the other books sitting on bookshelves.
I liked your story and you communicated to the reader about what was happening and showed the characters emotions very well. Keep up the good work!!!!!!!