Young Writers Society

I wrote 5 pieces for a competition that I am yet to answer; it's for school, and I wrote 5 of them. I don't intend to send any of them in. The aim; tell a saga in 50 words. An oxymoron, if you like. Trust me, it's much harder to tell a story in 50 words thany you think, and I have trouble with 1000 words, so... here goes:

I always knew he was the one. Even though he was dead and I was being forced to live; what a wisted love story it was. He sits across from me. I feel his presence, know he's near. "Goodbye." One word. It takes one word to break me.



I never liked goodbye, especially as a kid and even less so now. I couldn't handle the first or the second. How would I deal with the third? "Just go." My voice was hard, my tone bitter. He looks broken but not as bad as I feel. People always leave.



The laughter surrounds me, their jeering voices coax me back against the wall. I clutch at the bricks, close my eyes against it all, that childlike belief running through me. If I can't see them, they aren't there. 'They can't control you,' I think and I know this is true.



His body lay unmoving on the cold stone floor and I knew it was over. We were free. My sister tugged at my hand. "Daddy's dead." There was coldness in my voice, ice in my breath and in my lungs. One word stuck out to me - why? Why us?



I met Darryl when I was thirteen. He was charming, with the kind of eyes you fall for. I don't remember when things changed, but I think losing his brother was the final straw. Maybe I could've done something, changed things. Maybe I wouldn't be lying bleeding on the floor.





Basically, if I choose to enter one, I'll take it out... so beware! I just wanted to know whether any of these are worth developing into a larger story?

hmmm.... To be honest this confused me I wish you would have been able to explain it more. I'm the type of person that needs more explanation to understand completely but I did like the flow/way it was written in. I hope you will consider writing this in a longer format for all of YWS to enjoy Thank You!!! Hope I was helpful.

Oops, I accidently put the explanation in the spoiler. Okay, I hope this is clearer for you now

Each of them are good enough to be developed into a story but the best in my opinion are the second and the last. The second one could be opened up in different ways and shows a ton of potential. The last one is very intriguing and appeals to both a romance reader ("with the kind of eyes you could fall for") and a drama of sorts. If you haven't already chosen one for your contest I would really like to know which one you did choose and if you haven't I hope this helps!

Well, I personally think that all five flow very nicely together ^_^ Just go beyond your fifty word limit, and edit it up a bit... *really likes this idea*

There's just one thing I'd like to say.... YOU'RE AN AMAZING WRITER!! =D Seriously; Your writing has such a sense of........ awesomeness in it *has no words*

Keep it up!!!

~The Scratt

Hey Catri!

I think that all of these have the potential to be expanded into a larger story. The one that stood out the most to me was the fourth one.

His body lay unmoving on the cold stone floor and I knew it was over. We were free. My sister tugged at my hand. "Daddy's dead." There was coldness in my voice, ice in my breath and in my lungs. One word stuck out to me - why? Why us?

It's the one that raises the most questions in my mind. How did he die? Did they kill him? Why are they free? Because he's dead? Why is she thinking 'why us?'?

The best way you could go about turning this into a short story, would be to take the questions I've given you, and ones of your own that you can think of, and to answer them. You'll start to get an outline for a story, and then you can build up the characters lives and work that into the story too.

I'm guessing the contest is already over, because you posted this a month ago, but I would have entered the fourth 50 word story. It's got something about it that makes me wonder. Good job

xDudettex