Just Laugh it all Away.
There you sit. Completely unaware and only one table away from me. You talk and you laugh but you don't know how much I completely am in love with you. Your tanned muscles that you didn't have in fourth, fifth, or sixth grade. I knew you through your first girlfriend and your second. Your latest one was a freak and extremely strange but I didn't say anything because I didn't want you mad at me. But she is gone now and you are single again yet I don't see you knocking on my door, asking me to go out with you.
You've never been popular. Well... at least you weren't a few years ago. Now you are laughing and talking with the blonde bimbos who hate me just because they say my laugh is annoying. Since when did you hang out with people that shallow?
There has been a question that I have been wondering about for a few days now. If one of those annoying 'popular' girls start to make fun of me, would you be the one to stick up for me? Or would you just nod your head and silently wish they would stop soon so you wouldn't feel awkward?
Truth be told, I'm not really sure. Though I call you my best friend I'm not exactly sure how I fit into your status of friends. Am I the best friend? Or just a close one that you laugh with but can easily forget?
You sit there and scarf down your double lunch like the always hungry pig that I know you are as I sit and people think I'm staring off into space when actually I'm studying your every way like an obsessed girl that is completely crushing on you but to no avail.
This is my life. This is my life and as pathetically cliché and sappy it may sound, it's absolutely one hundred percent true. Though I'm pretty sure that in those extremely cliché stories the best friend is the BEST friend, both ways. The best friend is also an extreme part of the other's life whereas I may only see Skylar twice a day if I'm lucky.
You see, our school is split into two teams, white and red, there are six core classes and different teachers per team. I, Jayden Lee Lisle, am on the white team and he, Skylar John Blaier, is on the red team. No core classes together whats so ever. We eat lunch at two separate tables because our tables are split up by science classes. Usually we talk at lunch until the lunch lady yells at us to turn around and laugh when she walks away, glancing at each other quickly before turning back to our tables. The only other class we share is music.
I like music. It's nice to be around people I like. Skylar sits next to me. That's also a bonus. Only a few weeks ago we went on our senior trip for school. It was Europe, and everyone was excited. On the way back, in those uncomfortable airplane seats, I slept peacefully. I fell asleep on his shoulder. He said he didn't mind. Sometimes I wish I could tell him but I don't mind going unnoticed.
I guess we are best friends in a way. He has about seven nick names for me, all of which are formed from my middle name. It's like a thing with us. He uses my middle name and I use his. Leelee. That's his favorite. I call him Johnny, and more recently Johnnycake because of our English teachers choice of literature. (The Outsiders if you didn't know that from the name)
I'm the only one that calls him that and he's the only one that calls me Leelee and I like it that way. He says I'm the only one that can make him laugh when he is sad, but so do all of my friends.
I hate this. I feel like some sort of depressed moron who defines the meaning of “crush” as the word crush itself. I don't feel that way. I enjoy being an optimist and I enjoy laughing as much as I can. Maybe that's why people don't like my laugh, it is quite loud but it's not like I can do anything about it. I've heard almost the entire grade make fun of my laugh, I'm used to it. Have you ever tried to change your laugh? Didn't exactly work out for you, huh? Didn't think so.
The only one who didn't mind, the only one who said that I should never change my laugh, was Skylar. I'm not sure, maybe that's where my feelings for him began, I just don't know. The only thing I know is that one day I just realized it. That the person sitting next to me was the only thing I had thought about for a long time.
Maybe I had denied it at first. I didn't like it. It felt weird. I felt like it was just another thing that made me different than anyone else. That, besides my obnoxious laugh, there was something I should change about myself so no one would know.
But I couldn't change. Something wouldn't let me. Was it his smile? Or was it the fact that he never seemed to get tired of me? Whatever it was, I'm glad for it now. I'm glad I never gave up because now, I can see that smile and not feel sad. I can hear his laugh and remember that he liked mine too. You can say what you want. You can call me what you want. I don't care. He may not like me the same way I love him but, at least right now, it doesn't matter.
Maybe someday I'll find that I can't hold it in anymore. Maybe I'll see that I don't have to hold it in anymore. As long as I can stay by his side right now, stay his best friend right now, I'm happy.
Because, you see, we're both guys. But I guess it's okay.
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