Young Writers Society

“Dad? Can we talk?”
“Uh. Can it wait? I’ve been working on this computer all day, and I just figured out what the problem is. And I need to get it done before I go to work. Shelly at the office--”
“It really can’t wait. It’s something… um… we just need to talk. Dad. Please.”
“… Okay. What’s it about?”
“Just stuff. You know… important stuff. I don’t know. Just stuff.”
“Stuff? You sure it can’t wait?”
“I’m pretty sure.”
“Alright. Talk.”
“Can we sit down somewhere? Like, in the kitchen or something?”
“So it’s gonna be one of those kinds of talks. Haha, alright. How’s this?”
“It’s fine. Whatever. Okay. So.”
“So.”
“So. Haha.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I guess. I don’t know. Maybe? I’m kind of… I dunno. Confused, I guess.”
“Confused about what?”
“Life. Um… I—I don’t really know what to say. I had this all planned out, but it’s not coming to me.”
“Do you want something to drink?”
“What? No, no, I’m fine. I need you to listen. And don’t talk until I’m done talking. Okay?”
“You’re starting to worry me, bud.”
“Yeah, well. I don’t know where to start. Dad, you know I love you, right?”
“You haven’t said it in a while, but I suppose so.”
“Well, I do. I’m sorry that I don’t ever say it. It’s just weird to me. But, whatever. So, you love me, right?”
“There are sometimes I do more than others, but for the most part, yes.”
“Dad, really. Just stop joking for a second.”
“Alright, alright! Sorry. Go on.”
“You and Mom have been amazing parents. You guys have done everything right, and I love you guys. I’ve wanted to talk to you for a little over a year now about this, but I’ve always been too afraid. I know, it’s dumb. But it’s really not. Dad, you’ve always told me that you wanted me to be whoever I wanted to be. You let me drop baseball because I hated it. You don’t force me to watch football with you on game days. You let me do whatever I want because it’s how I am, right?”
“Right.”
“I know that you wanted a better son than me. I mean, you have two other daughters and I was your last hope for the ideal son. And I mean it when I say I’m sorry for being such a let-down.”
“You’ve never been a let-down. Never. Sure, I wanted a kid I could throw a ball around with, but God gave me you. And I’m so glad he did.”
“Dad. I’m gay.”
“Gay?”
“Yeah. I—I don’t know what else to say. Other than I know that I am. I know it’s not right for people to feel this way, but it is right for me. I know it is, Dad.”
“You’re not gay.”
“Yes, Dad. I am. I’ve felt that way a long time, and I don’t want to have to keep this a secret between us anymore.”
“You’re not gay, Ryan! What about Stephanie last year? You guys dated for three months.”
“I know. I know, Dad. It was because I was so confused, and I wanted to see if I could ever like a girl like that. But I couldn’t. It wasn’t right. I know how this must seem to you. But I’m not any different than I was—”
“What the hell, Ryan?”
“…What?”
“Why would you keep this from us?”
“I—I told you! This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done—”
“I don’t care! Ryan, if you would’ve told us you had these feelings a year ago, we could’ve gotten you help!”
“Help?”
“Yes. Help.”
“I don’t want help. Dad, I want to be whoever I want to be! You’ve always supported that!”
“Before you told me you were a fag!”
“Dad!”
“Tell me you have not done anything!”
“What?”
“Tell me you have not done anything with any other boy!”
“I—I—”
“Damn it, Ryan! Who? And when?”
“Dad, please sit down. Please. I know this is hard for you to accept. You don’t think it was hard for me?! Please don’t yell anymore. Please, Dad. Please.”
“I can’t believe this. God did not create men and women this way. Do you not understand that? Men are supposed to be with women. God made Adam and Eve for a reason, Ryan.”
“I know, I know, I know! This wasn’t my choice! I didn’t choose to feel this way! I just do!”
“No one is born gay! God would never make people born that way. That is totally contradicting His plan!”
“Please listen to me, Dad. Please! I know that this goes against everything I’ve been taught and church! I know that. But I cannot and will not hide anymore. I’ve hid my entire life, and I can’t take it anymore. You don’t think I understand that I’m a sinner? That people will hate me? You don’t think I’ll get bullied at school for being the way I am? But I cannot change. I will not change. All I want is for you to accept me and support me.”
“I will never support gays. And as long as you live under my roof, you won’t support them either.”
“What? Dad, I’m gay!”
“We can get you help. The church has facilities.”
“I don’t want help, Dad! I’m perfectly happy the way I am. I thought you would accept me! I would never have told you this if I knew you were gonna act this way!”
“I tolerate a lot in this household. But I will not tolerate this. My son will not be a fag.”
“I thought you loved me.”
“I do love you. That’s why we’re getting you help.”
“You can’t change me. You never will. If I have to obey your rules because I live under your roof, then I’m getting out.”
“No. You’re not. You’re going to sit here will we talk this over with your mother when she gets home. This is unacceptable. What will people think, Ryan? Did you ever stop to think of that? What? You’re not going to talk now? Fine. I want you to sit here and think about the choice you’ve made and how it’s going to affect your life. I want to get you help because I love you. I don’t want to you die and not be able to go to heaven because you decided you wanted to have sex with a man instead of a woman. We’re going to get you the help you need. Jesus, Ryan. I thought I knew you.”

“I—I told you! This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done—”

“I don’t care! Ryan, if you would’ve told us you had these feelings a year ago, we could’ve gotten you help!”

OMG I really enjoyed reading this! Sadly it happens to so many people. I have a friend who is gay and even though his family has accepted it now they went balistc when they first found out. You have written a very good story

- keep writing 'cause you got talent

It's not perfect but I liked the way I could imagine everything happening from the dialogue alone. Mark of a good script.

“Life. Um… I—I don’t really know what to say. I had this all planned out, but it’s not coming to me.”

That was my favorite part. I think everyone can relate with that and feel the lump in his throat. Everyone sort of dreams up the perfect way to break such news but it's always harder in the act. Sorry this isn't a detailed review. Your grammar and such seem fine. My biggest advice would be to avoid cliches with the dialogue and characters. For instance, the father could show more inner conflict and the discussion could keep itself from turning into one-liners from typical debates about sexuality and religion.

This is a much better expression than the other one. I do not support homosexuality, but this was interesting to read indeed. Nice work.

I think this is really well done. You explored the subject without inserting too many of your own opinions and offending anybody. I love the way that you've told the entire story through dialogue only - not only that, but the dialogue is realistic, and creates a very good image of what's really happening. You've showed all the starts and stumbles people show when talking to each other in real life, all the insecurities a person might have.

I also like the realistic way you've managed to convey the father's mood changing so rapidly without writing anything but dialogue - you can see his reaction as clearly as if you'd described it fully.

I don't really know what to suggest to improve this! I'd read over it and reconsider just some of your choices of wording. Try to make a bit more of a distinction between the way the father and the son speak. For instance, the father is likely to speak a bit more formally, and the son more awkwardly under the occassion. You've already showed that pretty well, thinking about it!

This is really good, without presenting mine or anyone else's opinions on the subject.

~MorningMist~

I loved this. I can't give any critiques, but it's really good!It's such a relevant topic to the people of today, and I loved how you addressed the issue. I felt as if you were writing about something that'd happen to you, and this was memory or something. Well done!

Bienvenidos, Big Bad "Beetlejuice" Bear Boy.

I won't take too much time with this since it's a touchy subject, and because you know what you're doing, but I want to give stylistic advice on a few levels since this piece is bound to get a lot of touchy-subject praise. But, first of all, I definitely want to congratulate you on using only dialogue. It's not easy, but you pulled it off well enough to where it's still captivating; however, I do think that your reliance on only dialogue cost you some big bucks in a few places.

The first place is originality. There's not really anything in this back-and-forth that struck me as new. If you've known a gay guy raised in a Christian household, then you know the story inside and out. That's both because these stories are common, and because this situation happens far too often, and so with that in mind, I want to give you a point for hidden political statements. "There's not much original about this piece because fathers and mothers have made it cliche." There's some power in that, I think, but not much as far as literary value...which is what I'm here for.

The second fault is in your flow. Towards the end, you get a little trigger happy with exclamation points, and it gives it a bit of the all-caps dilemma, wherein it feels like constant annoying shouting, and not emotional shouting. Variation in both sentence composition and punctuation will fix that right up, but it does take from the quality. Your flow, though, is hindered by the fact that it's only dialogue--but that's forgivable. It's like the question on the SAT that you don't answer. It doesn't count for you, but it doesn't count against you, either. That means that you need more points elsewhere to make your flow that much better.

Finally, I'd tie up some loose ends on the father's end of the dialogue. While I know it's classic, he comes across as annoyingly immature in the latter half, simply because he doesn't have a solid argument. He just throws out these big ticket items to make his son feel THE PRAYER SHAWL OF SHAME.

H'anyways, I hope this helps. Let me know if you have questions or comments,

-Lumester

I agree with Lumi, this piece lacks originality. By the first few lines, I could already tell where this story was going. You did not shed any new light on the situation, and the climax was predictable. The father is one-dimensional and stereotypical.

I suggest take it in a new direction. What if the father thought that he was gay when he was his son's age, but he suppressed it? Or what if he was empathetic, but restrained by his religion/community in supporting his son?

I don't know what I'll be able to give you in this review that will in any way vary from the horde of praise you've already accumulated. I just felt that I wanted to review this.

This was excellent. There is so much that dialogue can carry, when done right. Dialogue is character, it's story, it's description, it's education, it's who knows what else. People underestimate it. It's cool to see the power it can hold even isolated from any descriptive padding, or tags, or anything.

This is, in itself, something of an argument for gay rights. And it's a good one. Whichever side the reader is predisposed to settle down on, he/she will invariably find him/herself sympathizing not with the father, but with the son. What's more, the scene you have illustrated here is the reality of matter.

While writing this, and in doing so rereading some of the parts that were worth rereading, I found myself realizing that I do, in fact, have some critiques that you may find of interest.

Firstly: In the latter half of this piece - after Ryan told his father that he was gay, that is - the dialogue sounds terribly halted. The father is just kind of rambling on, with the son throwing out these little interjections here and there. I'd toss together all the father's arguments into one pile, and those of the son into another, so that the pieces of dialogue are longer and more debate-formatted.

Secondly: you're really overdoing it with the ellipses. I think that this might be contributing to the disjointedness I'm seeing in the conversation.

And that's it. Hope I helped.

-Kafka

Thank you all so much for the feedback. ahhsmusch, your comment made me laugh because your advice for the father is EXACTLY what I want this story to be. This story isn't complete. I will most definately have a part two, because I need to expand on the father. The father has had trouble with his own sexuality, but I have not really hinted at it yet. Thank you for your advice.

-Jared

Dang. I had this review written out yester-night in my head with the thought of writing it today. And there are so many comments already.
So, I'll just trim everything.
A. I loved the reality your portrayed. I kind of liked the raw emotion.
B. Oh. Second part. Yay. Just lemme know.
C. It is quite 'scripty', but in a good way. Maybe add some tags to the dad's dialogue so that we're able to gauge his reaction. One place I felt this chiefly was "“Gay?”" There are different tones that are running in my head and I can't pin on one, because we don't have a fully known father(I"m not saying the char development was bad, just noting how a reader is at a loss.) The lack of tags is wonderful here, but this part was where I stumbled. Or maybe that's just me.
D. I'd like the father to be a bit more dimensional.

There ya go.

Brilliant, I can feel anger in your words but also despair. The two characters are incredibly well defined, you've made a few errors, for example you said 'will' when you meant 'while', but it's nothing a good proof read won't fix.

Brilliant.

This might just be me, but while I love bare dialogue, this seems to be wanting to be fleshed out. Especially if you continue it! Also, fleshing it out and putting additional details will help it from being cliched. Right now, it's kind of obvious from the get-go on where the direction is. However, if you add personal details, even if it's as simple as the son glancing to the family portrait with tears in his eyes, it'll build a new emotional layer to the story. So, this is a good start, but I think you can do a lot more with this.

I had to like this, even though I didn't like the father at all. Ugh, people like that make me so frustrated! But this seemed really realistic. Good job. Keep writing!

Thank you guys so much. Some of you have stated that you felt you knew where the story was going from the beginning. If you had read this without seeing the title first, would you have felt the same way? I'm considering changing the title to make it less obvious at the beginning.

-Jared