Young Writers Society

Would you understand? Please understand. I didn't choose this. It's not as if I just woke up one morning and said “Hey, look at that sexy man over there.” Would I be able to tell you with no shame? Without hiding my face and pretending it's okay if you don't? You sit there, tapping at the keys of the small keyboard the music teacher had placed on everyones' desk. I hide my eyes from you, glancing ever so often at your figure next to me, wondering if I should spill everything out.

Would you understand? If I wasn't who you thought I was? If I came straight out and told you what was on my mind? I hope that you would. You are my best friend, after all. I chuckle slightly as you innocently tap the keys in awe, having found the chorus button. Instead of the sounds of a piano filling the space next to me, short staccato voices sing out their notes.

Are you sure you would understand? Even if no one else does? You know, you'd be the first. I haven't even told my parents yet. Would you take that into consideration? I trust you the most, you know. Do you think it'd be okay? If I told?

Would they understand? How should I put this... I'm scared. Skylar, I'm scared. What should I tell them? What should I say? I wish I could ignore it, let my mind wander off to someplace innocent, free of shame. I'm scared.

Hey, would you really understand? Do you even know why I trust you the most? Of course not. If you did, I wouldn't have to panic about you finding out. About you avoiding me or yelling at me, telling me I'm wrong, I'm gross, I'm different. You're the last person I'd ever want to hear that from. If you want to know, I'll tell you. Not out loud, of course. Not yet.

Hey, I love you, you know. Yeah, that's right. I trust you the most because I love you the most. Out of everyone, out of everything, I love you the most. I've thought about it for a while now. I didn't want to tell you, didn't want you to find out. I was okay, you know, as long as I could be with you like this. It was, really. But I'm not sure anymore. I really... I really want to tell you.

Please understand. We've been best friends for a long, long time, right? I don't have to be hesitant about that, right? Please, Skylar. You have to understand. If you don't I don't know what I'd do.

Should I really tell? You'd understand, right? Even though I'm like this, I'm still the same person I've always been. Still the same best guy friend you've ever had, right? So... I can tell you, right?

I see you jump next to me, the bell breaking you from your hypnotic trance. You look around and laugh at yourself, turning off the keyboard and elbowing me in the shoulder. I smile. I did smile, right?

I watch your back as you head for the door. Your black converse shoes stopping in the frame, waiting for the hallway traffic to subside for you to pass through and head for your locker, the day finally over, classes finally done.

There was a break in the hallway, I guess. You stride through the door, but I catch up, grabbing tightly onto your arm. You stop and turn back, looking me questioningly in the eyes.

You'll understand, right? After I talk to you, you'll understand. Can we talk? I ask. You reply easily and we walk to each of our lockers, following each other until we were ready to leave. I walk through the doors of the school, your heavy footfalls resounding behind me.

I know you'll understand... I'm right, aren't I? Please.

We continue on, walking home together without a word. Is it weird that we're not talking? Do we usually talk on our way home? We probably do, right? I can't even remember anymore. I feel like I've already sprinted a mile without a second to pause.

Hey, let's stop in the park for a while, okay?

The grass is a bright green, floating in the fresh fall air and making waves within itself, a sea of pure green. Effortless.

I laugh as you immediately dash toward the swings, your childish side unleashing and taking over. You know, you're like a puppy.

I sit in the empty swing next to you and mull over in my head what I should say. Should I just come right out and say it? No, that would be weird, right? Yeah, that would be weird. You know, I've had this all planned out in my head before. I thought it would be fine. I thought I'd be ready when I told you, that once I couldn't hold it in anymore, it'd be fine if I told you the truth.

Even though I've done that, even though I thought I was prepared, why are the words not coming to my lips? My throat is dry.

Maybe you won't understand. What if that's the case? Will you run? Will you yell, or hit me, or say that we can't be friends anymore? What if you do, what then? What will I do? If you don't understand, how will my parents ever? No, maybe I really can't do this after all. I should just brush it off like I never had anything important to say in the first place.

You understand, right? Why I can't tell you? What if you really do think I'm disgusting? I won't be able to bare it, I really won't. Yeah, I'll just say something different, something easier to say. You know that sweatshirt you've been looking for? I have it. That would be an okay replacement, right? Yeah. I'll just say that.

Hey, you know-

Yeah?

Your eyes twinkle innocently as you swing your feet above the ground. No, I can't back down. Not now. I've decided. I can't keep it away from him anymore, I just can't. I'll explode if I must keep myself hidden any longer. It used to be fine just being by your side, but now I just can't take it anymore. It's tearing me apart, I swear.

Uh... I-... You know...I-

Yeah?

Hey, Skylar.... I'm gay.

Your legs stop swinging and I look away, my feet threatening to sprint off in some random direction, taking me far away from this situation. Please. Please understand.

Wow! I was not expecting that until right after the comment about "I love you the most" and then it sort of clicked. That was a really moving story that let me into the mind of your character. You have opened a new door for me. I sort of wish you would have used quotes instead of just starting a new paragraph, but if you ever got it published, it would be up to your editor and not you or me. It was a fascinating story that held my attention and pulled me in. It took me a second to really get hooked through the first paragraph, but that's just me. I loved the part where he thought about backing out and excusing himself with the lost sweatshirt! I sort of wish I could have seen his transition I guess? That has to happen somewhere in his life. Give a little insight to how he was before he started looking at Skylar. It was a very thought inducing story. Thank you for a good read!

That was very intreging! (Did I even spell it right? ) I got kind of confused whether or not he ws thinking or talking at first, but I loved it!

Pretty impressive, really! I liked the style a lot. Trapped inside his head and pounding to get out. I liked your choice to not use quotation marks, too; it lends a quality of muffled somberness--like that feeling of having your head filled with water after hearing terrible news. And your choice to end it without a clear conclusion, whether you intended it or not, indicates that this inner turmoil and fear will continue on even after this particular story is concluded--even if Skylar accepts him or if he rejects him, everything won't always be okay. That realization feels heavy...it weighs on you like it weighs on the main character.

Overall, this is a rather good piece.

The tone is appropriate.

It's not as if I just woke up one morning and said “Hey, look at that sexy man over there.”

This line lets us know the main character is probably 14-18 years old and has a little bit of flippancy. It takes us much longer, though, to realize that the main character is male. Probably not until this line:

Still the same best guy friend

which is a rather long time for us to be left in the dark.

everyones' desk

"everyone's desk" by the way.

Instead of the sounds of a piano filling the space next to me, short staccato voices sing out their notes.

This amused me. This is what I always do with my keyboard. "short" probably isn't necessary, though, since staccato already includes in its definition "a note of shortened duration" along with the silence bit.

I haven't even told my parents yet.

This part didn't ring true with me very much. In my understanding and experience with friends, the parents are often among the last to learn. So it doesn't mean much to say, "They don't even know yet!"

You harped on a little bit long on the "would you understand" bit. I know understanding is important, but you used the word "understand" 16 times and some of them are very close in proximity. Like maybe a paragraph begins "would you understand?" and ends with "I hope you understand" then the very next one begins with "would you understand?" or something like that. It just feels like we're treading over the same ground too much and I would have preferred to see the issue at another angle or with a different approach. Like when you talk about being scared, and trust, and not wanting to be hated...those are good. Sometimes those are good enough on their own without being crowded by the words "I hope you understand."

I smile. I did smile, right?

and

Is it weird that we're not talking? Do we usually talk on our way home?

I liked these lines.

Maybe you won't understand. What if that's the case? Will you run? Will you yell, or hit me, or say that we can't be friends anymore? What if you do, what then? What will I do?

I thought this section could use a little more oomph. The words are too generic and don't carry enough impact. I know you're using generally a more plain speech, but "say that we can't be friends anymore" just doesn't feel like the end of the world to me, even though we should know that it would feel like it to him.

Anyway, I didn't have too much to say otherwise. Nice work.

Hey there Mickixoxo!

Wow. I mean, there's a lot of pieces on YWS at the moment that express this theme, but your piece stands out to me the most so far. Mainly because the style of it is different.

It was almost like I was reading a stream of thoughts, and I guess I was. That style seemed to magnify the inner turmoil that the character's experiencing. If the piece was description, then dialogue, then a bit of the character's thoughts, then I don't think we'd have really understood how crazy this whole thing is driving him. For something that you were just trying out, I think it worked really well.

I do agree with sargsauce about the amount of times you used 'understand'. It was a little off putting and it felt like I was reading the same thing over and over again. I also agree that you could expand the part where he's feeling scared. Why is he scared? Apart from the obvious. Is it because he can't bear to lose Skylar? Can he not imagine a life where Skylar's not in it? Does he know that he can't face the bullies that will inevitably come when he tells people the truth? Is he scared Skylar will turn on him and tell everyone before he has a chance to? Or does he know that Skylar will be there for him, no matter what? The inner turmoil you already have is great, so expanding on it will make the piece even stronger.

I found that the repetition of 'right?' was a little disteacting too, so if there's anyway you could cut a few out, I think it would be better for the piece. Not too many that it takes away from the character and his indecision, but just enough that it doesn't become an issue like 'understand'.

following each other until we were ready to leave.

'were' should be 'are' to keep the sentence in present tense.

The style of this made the piece more original and I think the open ended ending was a good way to keep the piece from anti-climaxing into a 'happily ever after' that wouldn't have fit the story. Having Skylar turn on him wouldn't have been nice to read, so the ending as it is it just fine

I hope this helps!

xDudettex