Young Writers Society

Dear Mr. Smith,

I’m sorry for contacting you, and sorry for waiting so long to do so. On the (awfully high) chances that James broke his promise to his sister, you already know what’s happened to her since she left home. If you don’t, though (and don’t blame James, she threatened to stop talking to him too), keep reading.
I suppose I’ll start by saying that these last seventeen years have been happy ones to her, and that even in your absence your daughter was very loved, by both her son and I.
Come to think of it, if you know that she’s been in contact with James, just put this letter down. I don’t want to give bad news unless I have to.
When she left at eighteen, breaking all contact, it wasn’t in anger. She loved you and her mother, and recognized that you’ve always loved her. She wanted her choices to be hers, without contradiction that your disapproval would bring. She did go to college, though, in Albany. That’s where we met.
We were married the year after graduation. I tried to convince her to invite you, but she insisted against it. And nine months later, our son was born. We named him Gage, after you, of course. I’ve never met you, but I’m sorry to say that he didn’t do the name justice.
Anyway, I’ve decided to send you this letter because you deserve to know. And you deserve to see her again, one last time. And if you loved her nearly as much as me, or even close, you’ll take the opportunity.
I hope to meet you soon.
Her funeral’s Wednesday.

- David

Hi there! 'Tis Lavvie to review.

Alright. I'm going to review this while taking the contest guidelines into consideration.

You've done well in writing a letter that creates a story and offers insight about the relationship between David and Mr. Smith. You told us a story worth knowing but also one that tends to supply us with some unanswered questions. Which I think is okay. They are questions that inspire the curiosity of the audience, but it's only needed. In one way, it adds character to the letter-story.

For something so short, there's not a whole lot I can say. It was well done, however, I was a little annoyed with this part:

I’ll start at the beginning.

This is a common statement used in first person narrative and it suggests to an interesting story. You've used and then supplied a less-than-sufficient "story" that quickly sums up David and this daughter and his son in a few lines. Unless there is a word limit (I don't think there is?), you should totes add on to this. You've given yourself an excellent opportunity to tell us a little more and spike our interest a little more. Don't be afraid. This is supposed to be a story within a letter after all.

Good luck with the contest!

Yours,
Lavvie