Young Writers Society

Note: This is a short story by one of the kids I work with at an elementary school. He's just starting to write, so what he really needs right now is constructive criticism.

One day at a school called Best School Ever Elementary they got the meanest principle named Mr. Waxaplax. But at the end of day only one kid had detention and his name was Will! But at exactly 4:00 pm the school turned into a prison! The windows turned into bars and so did the doors. When Will was looking around at all of the changes, he saw a cell phone sitting on the teacher s desk. So he used to call the K.N.D. But they didn t have weapons so they took him to their moon base. After a really long and boring lecture from #276. So they just blew up the school because they couldn t make up their mind.

- Will

Good! I liked that! Tell that kid that he is onto something! But, what I think is that he can put a little more detail and effort into it and make a really good story. Did he/she (looks like a he, if somebody likes KND its bound to be a he) have only a small amount of time to do this? Because if he did, I think he should look back and add more detail. Although it did strike me, that blowing up the school thing. As good as it may sound ( ) he could maybe put more actions into it.

Just a few questions. How old is he/she? What grade is he/she in? Is he/she basically a good writer?

Tell the kid that he should continue writing and make more simple stories ranging from every genre.

The kid (he) is in the fourth grade, and this is really his first story. He's written some before this, but he always dumps it after the second sentence, lol. I'll definitely pass your comment along!

That story was very original. I get what you are saying after dumping it after the second sentence, I always did that when I was a kid of 4th.

sorry if i sound stupid but what is KND??...

sorry if i sound stupid but what is KND??...

and is a cell phone the same as a mobile?

lol, KND is Kids Next Door. It's a show about these kids who live in a clubhouse and are international spies (or something like that) on cartoon network. And yeah, I'm pretty sure a cell phone and a mobile are the same thing.

Yep, a cell phone is a mobile, its called that in some parts of Europe, I think. And KND is a show about kids in a clubhouse that save the world from people who want to do something to kids (teachers, parents, etc.), like Nate said.

YAY! I like Codename: Kids Next Door! Its good that cartoons are actually doing something to promote creativity rather than quell it.

For being new at it, he is very good.


You might want to work with him, however, on sentence starters. I know he is new to it, but it is always good to develop these skills at and early age. He had 'but' to begin two times in a row. Just explain to him he could make his already very wonderful writing even more exciting if he started it with something else. Tell him he has a delightful imagination.

oh gosh, knd? otay, i won't change the sub...
that kiddo is a great author
it's really,in my opinion, mystrious and adventurous and i dunno! i liked it.
the only problem.....
What happens next???????
lol
great job kid

I know I posted a lot here reviewing this but once again, it is really good. About that sentence starters advice that Norris Redford said, yeah, I think you should help him on those. The first sentence was kind of blocky, but he is new at it so, I guess it was pretty good.

The story, in my opinion has some real potential. It needs a little bit more detail and could possibly be longer. I have one real tip for him, Show, don't tell. If he describes the principal (i.e. And one day, our meanest princapal yet came to our school. He was just like your worst nightmare, a tall man with a top hat and a cane and the meanest grin, streched across his face) he will give readers a picture in their minds.

this is really cute...I love the connection to the Kids Next Door, that's what makes it cute. He's got potential!

Awe!

I agree with ElectricBlueMonkey that he really just needs to add more detail. I'm not really sure about the blowing up the school thing...But it sounds like he's got a taste for action, which can make a really good story teller.

-Sarah