Young Writers Society

Sorry taking it down

“I have a message from the Rio.” he stated flatly.

I think you mean "Roi" here, right?

like i said, take the time to re-read over you stuff.

it's getting very interesting.

Thanks for pointed it out, Bri!

Ems

It's good to see she's returned to her rebelliousness. Night Mistress already picked up on the Rio thing, so I'll just go through the rest.

“Hey, Kids how was the Concert?”

You don't need the comma here, and kids and concert don't need capitals.

she look’s exhausted.

Should just be looks.

Absently I wondered where the brother’s were

Take the apostrophe out of 'brother's'

my questions was answered

Should be 'my questions were answered

forcing his to crouch to that we could be eye to eye.

forcing him to crouch so that we could be eye to eye.

“We…the brothers and I

He would refer to them as 'my' brothers not 'the' brothers.

acting as spokes person

Spokesperson is one word.

Thee super big bags of pads

Three, not Thee.

girl can never be too prepared

Should be a girl.

earth shattering affects

Should be effects.

Poor Kid

Kid doesn't need a capital.

I recognized the turn

Should be tune.

I knew the drumsticks feel

Should be fell.

My shoulders jerked with the dawn fall, on their own accord.

I think you mean down fall, and you don't need a comma here.

I was use to that.

Should be 'used to'.

I leaned back on my heals

Heels, not heals.

I motions for Sabe

Should be motioned.

I was sure that if I feel anymore

Fell, not feel.

all of ours where

Should be were.

-Billy