Young Writers Society

I deleted the story, got bored of it myself. Sorry, I don't know how to delete the whole topic!! PM! me if you know pls!

Interesting, but I must scold you. Underage drinking and smoking is really not good for you!

While relatively well written (with the exception of a few spelling errors, see below) I really didn't see the point to this story. It seems that all that happens is a group of teenagers go out and get plastered. There is really no conflict, no hook, nothing to really keep me interested. What do their parents think about this activity? Do they even know? How do they cover it up, if indeed they do? Have they ever been caught?

Is this set in France? The fifteen 'franks' messed me up. If it is, the word is 'franc' and technically, they don't use francs anymore. It is the euro now. And why would French kids be at the Mickey D's? It seems to me there would be better places to go if they are really that loaded, even if they are American. So... What exactly are they? Is 'frank' some weird slang that I don't know about? *is confused*

Spelling:

strait = straight ---- a 'strait' is a narrow passage of water or a tight situation
exited = excited ---- 'exited' makes me think they left somewhere

So yeah, this 'story' really seemed to be lacking any point. However, it was pretty well written and your descriptions were really nice. You have a great style, I just didn't see what this story was about exactly, or at least what the point was.

Good luck with all your writing!

~GryphonFledgling

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Wow there was a huge amount of narrative in there. I didn't much like that. I usually like showing rather than telling. May I suggest dialogue?

But other than that, it was... interesting.