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Young Writers Society


Hands------A story of a fake Hael



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great
0
No votes
ok
0
No votes
good
1
33%
bad
2
67%
 
Total votes : 3


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Gender: Male
Points: 300
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Sat Jul 12, 2008 1:30 pm
taleoflostink says...



message erased
Last edited by taleoflostink on Sat Jul 12, 2008 3:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.
but no, her soul was relentless
it would not give into this strange
Hael, Alantra took one gasping
breath..........





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1176 Reviews
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Sat Jul 12, 2008 2:04 pm
Twit says...



Hi and welcome to YWS!

It's not a very good policy to put a poll on your work. It Just Isn't Done.

While that is an unwrit rule, one of the writ ones is that you must review at least two other stories before you post any of your own. Try to review more stories than you post on here, sa? It makes people like you.

PM me if you have any other questions about the site, and keep writing!
"TV makes sense. It has logic, structure, rules, and likeable leading men. In life, we have this."


#TNT





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Sat Jul 12, 2008 2:11 pm
taleoflostink says...



oops i am sorry i did not knoew all of this!
but no, her soul was relentless
it would not give into this strange
Hael, Alantra took one gasping
breath..........





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174 Reviews


Gender: Male
Points: 5238
Reviews: 174
Sat Jul 12, 2008 2:27 pm
EliteHusky says...



Greetings,

Overall this piece had quite a few punctuation errors which somewhat seemed to cover the essence of the story you were trying to convey. The beginning was very interesting, a rural location next to a top secret FBI area and in my opinion, it certainly has potential, as does any piece of writing, but only if you want to keep working hard on it and refine it your initial idea(s). Some tips would be to flush out the details and characters in planning and to keep on writing. The more you read and write the better your work will become although with only a couple of punctuation errors, that distance is quite near.


Yessssss thisss life will be better for you a happier life for youuuuuuu


Quite good as it helped me get a feel for the dialogue, although use this style sparingly.

Hope this letter helps, if not just delete it!

Sincerely,
-Elitehusky





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Sat Jul 12, 2008 2:39 pm
taleoflostink says...



Thanks for the help and i actually have ten chapters written! and i have not even tried to proofread yet! I want to finish and then flush out the ideas and such.
but no, her soul was relentless
it would not give into this strange
Hael, Alantra took one gasping
breath..........





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497 Reviews
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Reviews: 497
Sat Jul 12, 2008 7:30 pm
Teague says...



**LOCKED** because... there's no story anymore.

-:pirate3:
"2-4-6-8! I like to delegate!" -Meshugenah
"Teague: Stomping on your dreams since 1992." -Sachiko
"So I'm looking at FLT and am reminded of a sandwich." -Jabber








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It is only a novel... or, in short, only some work in which the greatest powers of the mind are displayed, in which the most thorough knowledge of human nature, the happiest delineation of its varieties, the liveliest effusions of wit and humour, are conveyed to the world in the best-chosen language
— Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey