Hello! I'm Sydney and I'm young and new here, only thirteen, but I'm not so new to writing, because i've been doing it since I was five! But, I'm probably terrible anyway. But, please critique! I love constuctive critisicm, I need it!
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Tanya opened her eyes to black. Pitch black, to be exact. She didn’t get unnerved, at first, thinking that maybe it was still nighttime, but soon, she noticed that the bed that was underneath her when she fell asleep, was no longer in attendance. Underneath the silk of her pajamas, all she felt was a solid, hard, and slightly sloping ground. Ice frosted in the core of her abdomen, as she feared where she could possibly be, and why she was there.
She slowly, and vigilantly got up, one part of her spine bending forward after the next.
Soon enough, her skull hit something hard and sharp, like the end of a rectangular table, and she silently suffered the pain it caused her, not wanting to gasp in pain, scared of what might happen if she did.
Tanya progressively made her way to a ninety degree angle with her feet stretched out in front of her, when she heard it. That dreadful ticking noise. Tick, tick, tick……is what she heard, if she did hear it correctly.
It wasn’t the sound of a clock. Much more sickening than a clock, that it made her woozy just listening to it.
She bit deep into her pink lips as she tried to undergo the sudden wave of nausea that had struck her. She’d heard of something like this happening before. Just, she thought she was too noble to ever that something, anything at all, like it happen to her.
Well, here’s too being lofty…..she thought to herself, and waiting for whatever occurred next to come, shutting her eyes securely.
One minute she waited, two minutes she waited, three, four, five minutes, sitting tensed waiting for something appalling to take place, which she was sure would take place.
By the seventh minute, she grew weary, drained from sitting there on edge of what would have been her bed if there were one under her. If something was going to happen, she was sure it would’ve happened by now, and anyways, her bottom couldn’t take the pressure from the hard ground any longer and her head was still throbbing from its unfortunate meet with whatever table was behind her.
She sighed, and got to her feet slowly, when she heard two little giggles from underneath the atrocious ticking sound. Her eyes darted around the room, but she saw of no one or anything truly. It was too dark. The two sniggers were replaced by a noise of hushing a bothersome child. Even though Tanya couldn’t see, two faces came into her lucid mind, one of a dark skinned, dark eyed boy, the other of a fair juvenile girl with luminous sapphire eyes. Two names that their parents didn’t give them also came into Tanya’s mind, but it’d be best not to repeat those words. The ice in her stomach swiftly melted.
Tanya crossed her arms and tapped her foot impatiently, as she heard another hushed voice speak, infuriated, “Look what you’ve done now, you little twerp!” the voice said huskily and Tanya figured it was meant to be inaudibly, but in silent room, other than that ticking noise, the speaker was quite thunderous.
“Claire, David, get out here.” Tanya said clearly with little tolerance of their ‘minor’ prank.
A light flipped on and Tanya shut her eyes from the sudden surge of pain due to the rapidity of the brightness.
When her vision cleared, she saw the two faces in her mind. Attempting to look intimidating to the two standing haughtily in front of her, Tanya loomed forward and narrowed her eyes.
Claire, an adolescent girl, barely eight, gave a sweet smile that usually Tanya gave in to, “Oh please, Tawny, it was just a joke!” she spoke in a saccharine voice, but Tanya’s eyes only narrowed into even slighter slits.
“First, Claire, I told you to stop calling me ‘Tawny’ because it means orange, and next what were you two thinking?” Tanya snapped, and Claire and David recoiled.
“See, I told you she’d get angry.” David feverishly muttered under his breath to Claire, and Claire shot him a sideways glance with her dazzling sapphire eyes.
“Yes, David, because you’re so sensible.” Tanya glared at him, “And where am I, anyway?” she asked, looking around the room as if she just noticed she was in it.
The room was filled of several bicycles, one of them very large with a colossal wagon behind it. There was also something looking like a work desk, used for woodwork, maybe, and a sharp-edged work bench that Tanya could see she hit her head on.
She rubbed her aching head, as if that bench reminded her of her soreness.
David gave a supercilious smile that didn’t exactly fit right on his face, and spoke as if it were a humorous story, “My garage.”
Tanya gaped. “How is that even possible?” she whispered to herself, “you live all the way down the street, for Pete’s sake!”
David glanced quickly over Tanya’s smile to where the mammoth bike and wagon were, and his arrogant smile didn’t wane.
“You’re a heavy sleeper.” He said as if he were choking back laughter. Tanya glared.
“Next query, what is that ticking sound!?” she shook her head, looking around for its whereabouts.
Claire giggled, pulling a tape recorder out of her pocket, “We heard you were paranoid about the kidnapper loose in this vicinity, so we thought you might want to hear his ‘signature’ sound.” She spoke as if it were something very generous of her to do, “I got the sound off of YouTube.” Tanya had to restrain herself from bonking them both on the head with the nearest baseball bat around, so she settled for sarcasm, “Oh, aren’t you two such marvelous friends?” she said in a wry tone of voice.
They nodded pompously, and Tanya couldn’t stifle the urge to hit them any longer, and she hit them both equally as hard on top of the head for playing such a cruel joke on her.
“That’s what you deserve.”
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That was most likely the worst story you've heard on here, but please review!
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