I looked out at the dark waters of San Francisco bay, wondering yet again what we were doing here. I hated the sense of suspense, the feeling that something big was going to happen. I was pulled out of my thoughts by JB’s curt voice behind me. “Ash.”
I turned quickly, snapping off the hated salute that now came naturally. “Yes captain?” I asked, wondering when he would die and hoping that one day I would be the one to kill him. He looked me over coolly.
“You’ve been with us three years now. You’ve never been on a real kill, have you?” I repressed the urge to tell him that I knew that, I wasn’t stupid. But I didn’t survive this long just to die because I loosened my tongue. “Of course you’ve killed for us, but never as an assignment. I think it would do you some good to get some practice.” His voice was flat.
My stomach clenched in a mix disgust and fear that never changed, but I didn’t say or show anything. “There is a school not far from here, and we’re going to drop you off there. The teacher in room seventeen has offended me. Take him out, and make sure you aren’t seen.”
Almost against my will, I nodded. “Yes sir.” JB nodded curtly, and we got off the boat together. I knew that there was no one else on board or around because they had been sent on different assignments, but still I felt the back of my neck prickling.
Something was going to happen. Why was I being asked to go onto campus to kill him? Wouldn’t it make more sense for me to get him at his house? Either JB didn’t notice my trepidation or decided to ignore it, because he led me silently to a black car.
We got in the back and the driver started up the car and began to drive without directions, seeming to know where to go. This was getting creepier and creepier. Finally, we slowed in back of a school, and I got out silently, fingering the gun in my sweater and shifting my backpack on my shoulders. Going down the stairs, I blended with the swarm of students who seemed to be in the middle of switching classes. It was a nice campus, full of middle school kids too busy with their lives to really think much about the outside world.
Looking at the students, I realized that the older ones were probably my age. This school was probably much like the one I would be going to now, if I had stayed in school. Shaking these dark thoughts out of my head, I walked quickly in the direction of room seventeen, reading the number panels on each door of the open air campus.
Slowing to a stop, I watched from under the shade of a tree as a group of students waited and talked in front of room seventeen. They were chattering happily, and I felt my stomach twist. I could have been one of them, if not for one insignificant action on my part. There wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t regret not listening to Liz’s mom.
A girl caught my attention as she chatted with another one before heading into the room. I had only gotten a glimpse of her face, but there was something about it that stirred a deep feeling inside me. She was wearing navy blue jeans that flared slightly at the bottom and a dark red shirt with three quarter sleeves slit up to the elbows. The shirt ended at mid-thigh and was gathered at the waist by a thin black belt with a heart shaped buckle.
I couldn’t help noticing that everything she wore allowed for ease of movement, but that wasn’t all that bothered me about her. Her hair went down to her mid back, and she had let it down. I had caught a glimpse of the earrings she was wearing, and that’s when it clicked. Those earrings. I had seen them before.
I fought my mind with logic. It just wasn’t possible. And yet that feeling inside me grew, and I finally recognized it. It was something I hadn’t felt in a long, long time: hope. Her face shape fit as well, though now it was more angular. But if she had aged… no. It wasn’t possible, I knew that.
And yet I couldn’t do as I had planned. There was no way I could just try to warn the teacher and run or find some way to get him out of this mess. Not now. I had to know. It was stupid and foolhardy, I knew that. They would see me, and people would be able to give descriptions. And yet I couldn’t bring myself to care.
Before I had a chance to back out, I strode forward and opened the door, stepping into the classroom. I barely noticed when the teacher looked at me in surprise and said, “Yes? How may I help you?” I was staring around the room, trying to find the girl. Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw someone half stand out of their seat, but I didn’t look that way yet. I was searching for the girl. The person who had stood up made a tiny choking sound, and my head reflexively snapped towards her.
I felt my face drain of all color as my mind went blank. It couldn’t be… but it was. I saw it in her white face and trembling hands, in the tears that were suddenly brimming in her eyes. I tried to say her name, but after all these years, it seemed like I couldn’t speak.
Just when I thought I might be able to speak, the teacher went over to the girl. “Charlize? Are you okay?” He asked. I sensed real worry in his tone, but I barely acknowledged that. All I heard was the name. Charlize. It was Liz. Was it really? Could it be her, or was my mind playing a cruel trick on me? I had to ask.
“I don’t believe it. Liz?” I whispered, finding my voice. I saw something change in her face: first there was sadness, and then it was gone. Her face hardened and her eyes became empty and cold. She was furious.
“What the fuck? What. The. Fuck. It’s been three years! Why the hell do these things happen to me? Why can’t I just freakin’ move on?” She shouted, striding towards me, her green eyes glittering with unshed tears.
“Charlize.” Her teacher cautioned, a hint of warning in his voice. I turned to give him a death glare, but he didn’t flinch. Still, the message was clear: no one threatened Liz, not even in warning.
Liz was almost over to where I was, and as soon as I turned back to her I was frozen, unable to move. “You aren’t real. You aren’t real!” She shook her head angrily, and then she reached me. Her eyes met mine for a moment, burning with too many emotions to hide anymore. Her hand came to rest on my chest and she shoved slightly. I stood still, not knowing what to say or do after wishing I could see her again for so long.
Liz looked at the hand on my chest, and then slowly up to meet me in the eyes. I braced myself for some sort of verbal or even physical assault: I knew I deserved it after making her go through so much. But she didn’t do anything. “What…” She looked back down at my hands and then at my face. Her next move was so sudden that it caught me completely off guard: She suddenly hugged me hard, her head resting on my shoulder. There was no way this was real, not if something this amazing was happening to me. And yet my arms came around her too, pressing her closer. When she raised her head, I saw doubt in her eyes, reinforcing mine.
“Ash?” Her voice was a broken whisper, but it coursed through me like an electric charge and I was surprised my knees didn’t give way. That’s how I knew this couldn’t be real. What were the odds? And Liz lived in Michigan, not California. I knew that, but that didn’t stop my heart from cracking in pain as I felt tears make their way down my face as well.
“Liz?” I said her name again, loving the taste of it despite myself. “I’m dreaming.” I tried to convince myself, to stop the pain. “God damn it, I’m dreaming!” I shook my head, trying to stop this torture before I woke up. This was going to hurt like hell, I knew it already.
At the same time, my hands left her waist to cup her face. Her skin was warm, slightly moist from her tears. She closed her eyes and leaned into my hands as my fingers traced her features lightly. I was terrified now. Terrified that this was real. Terrified that it wasn’t and she would shatter under my touch.
“Ash… Ash, oh god, Ash, this isn’t real.” Those words broke my heart completely, because I knew they were true. I wanted so badly to believe that this was real, that I wasn’t dreaming. But even this dream angel was telling me the truth. “I’m going to wake up any second, and you’ll still be dead.” Her voice broke as the teacher came over to her, but now I was staring down at her. She wasn’t the one dreaming, I was. She was only a figment of my imagination. And yet this was different. In this dream she was older, sadder than the Liz I always dreamed.
I stared at her, hope rising in me even as I desperately tried to crush it. I opened my mouth to say something, anything to get the angel to speak again, but the teacher tried to take her out of my arms. She clung to me as I held her tighter, neither of us willing to let go. She was so warm, so real. It was driving me wild, yet I knew this couldn’t be real.
“Charlize, what is going on? Who is this? Ash?” The teacher asked. I started, looking at him in surprise and taking my eyes away from the girl in my arms. That helped me clear my head. Why was he calling her Charlize? No one ever called her Charlize. Another sign that this was a dream. But Liz’s next word brought back the hope stronger than ever.
“Normally I wouldn’t tell you, but since this is a dream, it obviously doesn’t matter. He’s dead. He died. It was my fault. But now he’s here. For as long as I stay asleep.” This wasn’t something my dream Liz would normally say. She wasn’t the one dreaming, and it had never been her fault. Straightening, I tried to pull away, needing to think. That was much too hard with her in my arms. She tried to cling tighter, but I gently pulled myself away, cutting off the teacher.
“Liz… I don’t think this is a dream. You look so real. And so does everyone else. What if this isn’t a dream? Liz, is it you? I can’t take waking up again to know it was a dream.” I looked her in the eyes, trying desperately to understand. I needed to know before I went crazy. This was by far the best and worse dream of Liz I had since she had left.
Her voice was soft and scared when she responded, but there was hope in her eyes now too. “Ash… How are you alive? You… they told me you were dead… I jumped off the yacht … they brought you out and shot you… god, Ash, I tried to swim back, but the waves…” Her breath hitched as I flinched in pain. The pain I had caused Liz, even this dream Liz, haunted me every day.
I didn’t want to have to watch her stay in so much pain. Letting my instinct take over, I leaned in towards her and gently touched my lips to hers. Fire bubbled in my veins at the contact, and Liz’s arm’s came up around my neck as she pressed herself closer to me, kissing me fiercely as my breath began to come faster. Now I was kissing her more roughly, my senses suddenly hyper aware as I ran my tongue over her lower lip.
Her mouth opened and I slid my tongue in, smiling in spite of myself when she moaned. I knew that this was wrong, that I shouldn’t be kissing her. This kiss made me almost certain this was real, because it was so wonderful and mind-blowing. If it was real, then Liz probably had a boyfriend, someone else in her life. I told myself that I would be able treat her as just a friend, that I would be able to resist her appeal as I lost myself in the kiss, knowing full well I was lying to myself.
When we broke apart for air I trailed kisses down her cheek and lightly kissed the hollow at the base of her throat where I could feel her pulse jumping, loving the taste of her skin. Finally I lifted my head to look at her, finding my voice. “That couldn’t have been just a dream.” I whispered roughly as she rested her forehead against mine. Her breath was coming faster than normal, its wonderful scent blowing on my face.
“Wow.” She murmured. Then she seemed to realize where we were and she blushed scarlet. Behind her, one of her friends let out a tiny chuckle into the stunned silence of her classmates, and Liz turned even redder. Now I was staring at her, wondering how someone could be so damn beautiful and perfect in every way, and I memorized her features intently. If they were real, I had already missed too much time with her. If they were a figment of my imagination, then I wanted to remember them anyway.
My stare seemed to bring Liz back to her senses and I saw sadness return to her eyes. “Ash, I thought they killed you. How… why are you here?” In that instant, I realized that I wasn’t dreaming. This was reality, it had to be. My reality was always a nightmare. Horror made me weak as I stumbled back from Liz. Now everything made sense. Kyran’s odd behavior, JB’s knowing looks, and this random location and assignment.
JB wanted Liz back. And like the fool I was, I had just led her right into the lion’s mouth for the second time.
and...that's it for this story. thanks again!
Unfortunately my parents want me to stop posting the story, so that's why I posted the end for those who really wanted to know what happened.
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