Young Writers Society

Ilovebubbles123 wrote:One fine day in Obscene Slipper Land, the land of sharp pointy cliffs and icy cold harbors, a mysterious figure, wearing a cape covering its entire body, which was very round and plump, So, I thought it was better without the parenthesis. Anywhoo. Continue. sailed into the harbor. The other slippers couldn’t stop staring and snickering as the mysterious figure sauntered towards a run-down, windowless, gray Does not need ing...better like this. --> shack. Again, no parenthesis. Called the Slipper Shack, this building was rumored to be haunted with the spirit of Slipper Steve, the worst bathroom attendant in Obscene Slipper Land.
Indent. Better like this.When stopped and asked where the figure was going by a curious bystander, the figure replied in a squeaky, high pitched voice like that of a little girl, “I am just checking out the Slipper Shack because I noticed the ‘For Sale’ sign in the yard. I’m in the real estate business.”
The bystander hurriedly glanced at the yard, then screamed at him, “WHAT?? There’s no ‘For Sale’ sign in the yard!”

Just a little too slowly, the cape-wearing figure conjured up a ‘For Sale’ sign and placed it in the yard. Then, when the figure thought no one was looking, he sprinted towards the Slipper Shack.
Indent for conversations. Inside, he turned to the spirit of Slipper Steve, snorting and sneering, “HAHAHA!! Now that I have made it past the Slipper Superintendants in the Paddleboat Junction Check-in, I can reveal my true identity to someone, and TELL THEM MY EVIL PLAN! But first, I must take a deep, soothing sky-dive. I saw some nice, pointy cliffs over by the harbor. I know! I’ll use my leftover asteroids to blow up when I jump into the cliffs!! HE HE!! ”
Hehe is one word. Don't capitalize so much. And, the last sentence the Muffin Man speaks is...not making sense. Not the hehe one, but the one with the asteroids. Care to explain?

“Alright, just one thing,” said Slipper Steve. “Why is your voice so high and squeaky? Why are jumping into the cliffs? And why, of all things, are you wearing a shirt that says ‘I’m not dumb, I’m just stupid.'?”
Add...interesting-ness. New phrases, etc. That kinda stuff.

“Well, if you insist to know... I just naturally have a high and squeaky voice. I was born with it. And, jumping into the cliffs is just my way of getting out all my stress." The figure glowered, defiant. "Hmph, don’t make fun of this shirt, it’s my favorite!”

While the strangely voiced ‘thing’ was getting ready to blow up, Vinita, the duke of Obscene Slipper Land’s adopted daughter, went outside to sulk in the slippery, slimy mud. Her father had just finished yelling at her because she had left the cap off of the yeast jar again. She witnessed a strange, plump figure in a hideously out-of-fashion black cape climbing up the cliff, jumping, plummeting to the ground, and then blowing up. A couple of seconds later scattered pieces of the figure slowly starting to float towards the harbor. She then darted, curious, trying to follow the floating, blood-stained bits of limb, and also trying not to be seen. The eyes were glancing around quite a bit. Too many parenthesis that aren't needed. No, no.

Back at the shack, unaware that his pieces had been followed, the figure had just finished reassembling himself when he was suddenly visited by Slipper Steve, who screamed and said, “BACK ALREADY?”

“FINALLY! I CAN REVEAL MY EVIL PLAN!! I am the Sarcastic Neon Muffin, and I am here to take over Obscene Slipper Land with my neon-ness, muffin-ness, and creepy-ness!! Do you know where I can find the most sulky, strange slipper in all of Obscene Slipper Land?”

“No, I do not know where to find disruptable young youths, but I do know where you can find a free ‘For Sale’ sign. It popped out of the ground a couple of hours ago, and it’s still right in the front lawn!! Please, feel free to take it and this free bathroom plunger on the way out.” Slipper Steve winked at the figure, grinning.

Slipper Steve suddenly handed the Sarcastic Neon Muffin a toilet plunger.
“Oh, jeez, this guy is NO help!” The Sarcastic Neon Muffin was thinking, “I’ll have better luck with this PLUNGER then him!!” At that thought he suddenly huffed and stomped away, plunger in hand, out of the house, heading in a random direction.

Vinita had arrived (just in time) to hear the last part of the speech. Not that she would have tattled. Just that SHE was the most sulky, strange slipper in all of Obscene Slipper Land, and she suddenly felt a jolt of fear. Reacting to the jolt, she sprinted away from the house, to instinctively go hide in her tree house. Jogging towards her house, she suddenly tripped over a plunger. Stumbling, she streamed towards the ladder to the tree house, and as she was nearing the top of the ladder, a big puffy face suddenly appeared from the landing. It was the thing she had seen in the Slipper Shack. Vinita screamed and tried to jump down, but it was to no avail. The Sarcastic Neon Muffin had grabbed one of her tassels!

“Let GO!!”

“Never! I’ve got you!!”

Then, by her tassel, he pulled her up into her tree house. (If you are wondering about the whole tassel thing, remember, she’s a slipper!) Ah. Gotcha. But this does not need to be in the story, perhaps, describe what she looked like. Frail, ladylike, or something that would allow you to tell us she was A slipper.

Right after The Sarcastic Neon Muffin had finished magically duct-taping every entrance shut, he turned to Vinita.

“So,” he snickered evilly and quite girlishly, “I have duct-taped every entrance shut, and I am holding you for ransom! Tell me, there is this girl that I’m supposed to trap in a tree house; do you know where she is? TELL ME!”

Hearing this, Vinita (who actually had a brain) realized that this 'guy' was three stitches away a good foot warmer, and decided to sneak away in the one entrance that the Sarcastic Neon Muffin hadn’t taped; the big entrance with the rope ladder. Uh. Three stitches away...whuut? I didn't get that at all.

Quickly and quietly, she snuck down the ladder, called the FBI, telling them, “I trapped a very dangerous villain in my tree house. Please come and arrest him!!”
After being told that ‘they were on their way,' Vinita went back to the tree house to check if the idiot was still there. He was. She ran back down the tree house, grabbed the plunger, and then climbed up. She then gave it to him and said, “Here’s your plunger. Just stay here and be a good boy.”

“Okay," he said, humming a song, using the plunger as a microphone. Vinita gave him a look of disgust, and then retreated out of the treehouse to wait for the FBI.

The FBI came, snapped the cuffs on the Sarcastic Neon Muffin, and threw him in their squad car. After he was charged with 3 counts of burglary and one kidnapping count, they chucked him in Happy Sprinkle jail for the Criminally Insane, and all was well once again in Obscene Slipper Land. As for Vinita, she quickly and quietly faded back into her everyday life as the duke’s daughter.

Ilovebubbles123 wrote:One fine day in Obscene Slipper Land, the land of sharp pointy cliffs and icy cold harbors, a mysterious figure, wearing a cape covering its entire body, which was very round and plump sailed into the harbor. The other slippers couldn’t stop staring and snickering as the mysterious figure sauntered towards a run-down, windowless, graying shack. Called the Slipper Shack, this building was rumored to be haunted with the spirit of Slipper Steve,{; instead of a comma} the worst bathroom attendant in Obscene Slipper Land.

When stopped and asked where the figure was going by a curious bystander,(period) the figure replied in a squeaky, high pitched voice, like that of a little girl, “I am just checking out the Slipper Shack because I noticed the ‘For Sale’ sign in the yard. I’m in the real estate business.”
The bystander hurriedly glanced at the yard, then screamed at him, “WHAT??(italic is better than capitalizing every word) There’s no ‘For Sale’ sign in the yard!”

Just a little too slowly, the cape- wearing figure conjured up a ‘For Sale’ sign and placed it in the yard. Then, when the figure thought no one was looking, he sprinted towards the Slipper Shack.

Inside, he turned to the spirit of Slipper Steve, snorting and sneering, “HAHAHA!!(Remove the one explanation mark and lower case the other words) Now that I have made it past the Slipper Superintendants in the Paddleboat Junction Check-in, I can reveal my true identity to someone, and TELL THEM MY EVIL PLAN!(No caps) But (Conjunctions NEVER start at a begining of a sentence) first, I must take a deep, soothing sky-dive. I saw some nice, pointy cliffs over by the harbor. I know! I'll strap my leftover asteroids to my helmet, so when I jump into the cliffs, I'll blow up! HEHE!! ”

“Alright, just one thing.” said Slipper Steve. “Why is your voice so high and squeaky? Why are jumping into the cliffs? And why, if all things, are you wearing a shirt that says ‘Mehh, I'm not evil?’?”

“Well, if you insist to know. I just naturally have a high and squeaky voice. I was born with it. And, jumping into the cliffs is just my way of getting out my stress. And don’t make fun of this shirt, it’s my favorite!”

While the strangely voiced ‘thing’ was getting ready to blow up, Vinita, the duke of Obscene Slipper Land’s adopted daughter, went outside to sulk in the slippery, slimy mud. Her father had just finished yelling at her because she had left the cap off of the yeast jar again. She witnessed a strange, plump figure in a hideously out-of-fashion black cape climbing up the cliff, jumping, plummeting to the ground, and then blowing up. A couple of seconds later scattered pieces of the figure slowly starting to float towards the harbor. She then darted, curious, trying to follow the floating, blood-stained bits of limb, and also trying not to be seen. (The eyes were glancing around quite a bit.)

Back at the shack, unaware that his pieces had been followed, the figure had just finished reassembling himself when he was suddenly visited by Slipper Steve, who screamed and said, “BACK ALREADY?”

“FINALLY! I CAN REVEAL MY EVIL PLAN!! I am the Sarcastic Neon Muffin, and I am here to take over Obscene Slipper Land with my neon-ness, muffin-ness, and creepy-ness!! Do you know where I can find the most sulky, strange slipper in all of Obscene Slipper Land?”

“No, I do not know where to find disruptable young youths, but I do know where you can find a free ‘For Sale’ sign. It popped out of the ground a couple of hours ago, and it’s still right in the front lawn!! Please, feel free to take it and this free bathroom plunger on the way out.”

Slipper Steve suddenly handed the Sarcastic Neon Muffin a toilet plunger. “Oh, jeez, this guy is NO help!” thought The Sarcastic Neon Muffin, “I’ll have better luck with this PLUNGER then you!!” At that, he huffed and stomped away, plunger in hand, out of the house, heading in a random direction.

Vinita had arrived (just in time) to hear the last part of the speech. Not that she would have tattled. Just that SHE was the most sulky, strange slipper in all of Obscene Slipper Land, and she suddenly felt a jolt of fear. Reacting to the jolt, she sprinted away from the house, to instinctively go hide in her tree house. Jogging towards her house, she suddenly tripped over a plunger. Stumbling, she streamed towards the ladder to the tree house, and as she was nearing the top of the ladder, a big puffy face suddenly appeared from the landing. It was the thing she had seen in the Slipper Shack!! Vinita screamed and tried to jump down, but it was to no avail. The Sarcastic Neon Muffin had grabbed one of her tassels!

“Let GO!!” (You could say she screamed or something)

“Never! I’ve got you!!” (With eyes of determination of something like that)

Then, by her tassel, he pulled her up into her tree house. (If you are wondering about the whole tassel thing, remember, she’s a slipper!)

Right after The Sarcastic Neon Muffin had finished magically duct-taping every entrance shut, he turned to Vinita.

“So,” he snickered evilly and quite girlishly, “I have duct-taped every entrance shut, and I am holding you for ransom! Tell me, there is this girl that I’m supposed to trap in a tree house; do you know where she is? TELL ME!”

Hearing this, Vinita (who actually had a brain) realized that this guy was three stitches away a good foot warmer, and decided to sneak away in the one entrance that the Sarcastic Neon Muffin hadn’t taped; the big entrance with the rope ladder.

Quickly and quietly, she snuck down the ladder, called the FBI, and said “I trapped a very dangerous villain in my tree house. Please come and arrest him!!” After being told that ‘they were on their way!’ Vinita went back to the tree house to check if the idiot was still there. Guess what? He was! She ran back down the tree house, grabbed the plunger, and then climbed up. She then gave it to him and said, “Here’s your plunger. Just stay here and be a good boy.”

“Ok.”

The FBI came, snapped the cuffs on the Sarcastic Neon Muffin, and threw him in their squad car. After he was charged with 3 counts of burglary and one kidnapping count, they chucked him in Happy Sprinkle jail for the Criminally Insane, and all was well once again in Obscene Slipper Land. As for Vinita, she quickly and quietly faded back into her everyday life as the duke’s daughter.
THE END!

Really good ending. You had way too many commas! Ah! Good plot just remember that conjunctions never start at the begining and don't capitalize all your words when you want to emphsis on something just use italics.


heyy everyone! I wrote this story on a dare. I had ten minutes to write a story with obscene slippers, a ghost, a muffin, a toilet plunger, explosvies, a cliff, and a tree house. Do you like it? Please leave comments!

*Tay*

giantslenate09 wrote:One fine day in Obscene Slipper Land, the land of sharp pointy cliffs and icy cold harbors, a mysterious figure, wearing a cape covering its entire body , which was very round and plump sailed into the harbor.

When stopped and asked where the figure was going by a curious bystander, the figure replied in a squeaky, high pitched voice, like that of a little girl,

...it past the Slipper Superintendents in the Paddle-boat Junction Check-in, I can reveal my true identity to someone, and TELL THEM MY EVIL PLAN! But first, I must take a deep, soothing sky-dive. I saw some nice, pointy cliffs over by the harbor. I know! I'll strap my leftover asteroids to my helmet, so when I jump into the cliffs, I'll blow up! HEHE!!”

“Alright, just one thing.” said Slipper Steve, “Why is your voice so high and squeaky? Why are jumping into the cliffs? And why, of all things, are you wearing a shirt that says ‘Meh. I'm not evil.’?”

“Well, if you insist to know... I just naturally have a high and squeaky voice, I was born with it. Jumping off of cliffs is just my way of getting out my stress. And don’t make fun of this shirt, it’s my favorite!”

She then darted, curiously trying to follow the floating, blood-stained bits of limb, and also trying not to be seen.

Back at the shack, unaware that his pieces had been followed, the figure had just finished reassembling himself when he was suddenly visited by Slipper Steve, who screamed and said, “BACK ALREADY?”

Obscene Slipper Land with my neon-ness, muffin-ness, and creepiness!!

Vinita had arrived (just in time) to hear the last part of the speech. Not that she would have tattled, just that SHE was the most sulky, strange slipper in all of Obscene Slipper Land, and she suddenly felt a jolt of fear. Reacting to the jolt, she sprinted away from the house shack, to instinctively go hide in her tree house. Jogging towards her house, she suddenly tripped over a plunger. Stumbling, she streamed towards the ladder to the tree house, and as she was nearing the top of the ladder, a big puffy face suddenlyappeared from the landing. It was the thing she had seen in the Slipper Shack!! Vinita screamed and tried to jump down, but it was to no avail. The Sarcastic Neon Muffin had grabbed one of her tassels!