Young Writers Society

Hmmmmmm.

I am not going to add too many comments because the reviewers before gave you sufficient advice.

The only thing i have to say is.....uh.....you need to put more descriptions, and make them more natural. Most of the time, but not in all cases, the best descriptions you don't think of individual words, just a picture in your head. I will be more active on this site pretty soon. Gotta eat, PM with any questions or if you want me to review anything else.....?

Hi there!
This starts out nicely, but I'm afraid I got a little confused between Blake and Bridget, and then a second later Bridget was dead. I didn't get a chance to get to know the character.
I'd also like to know where the old man came from, and what the inside of the creepy old mansion looks like.
This is still a good beginning, and if you add a little bit more detail it'll be even better!

The story is a little quick in parts. Other than that, it's not that bad. Just describe what the beast looked like. If I might say so, but what I imagine is the beast in Beauty & the Beast.

Hey. I thought it was okay, exempt for the bare adjectives. Where did this take place besides a mansion? What was the beast like? What was the old man wearing? Just focus on these things and it could be really good.

Meeehhhhh... I can FEEL the potential, but it sounds like it needs to bake a little longer, know what I'm say'in? Things seemed to move a long just a little too quick, even though it sounds like one of those stories that just moves along. I liked it enough though, I liked the images it put in my head, and the dialogue that went along with the story. I couldn't tell when they entered the house though, and there weren't many descriptions of the house inside, but that's mostly me being me. I draw, and I LIVE for the details, hope this makes sense and helps you, I'd love to read more.