Young Writers Society

I should have paid more attention.

Tired as i was from the tennis practice I had, I hit the shower and decided to go to sleep on the couch.After waking up the first thing I did was hit the shower.While bathing,I realized something very strange...I had just turned the shower on and had not even applied any soap...then why on earth was soap being washed off my body.Something felt really strange and I guess I was beginning to get the idea of what I had gotten into.

I suddenly woke up to find out that it was just a bad dream....or,not?Pinch your skin,I remembered...this way you'll know for sure if you're dreaming or not.So with my best efforts I tried to pinch as hard as I could.While doing so I could feel a force acting upon me to stop me from what I was doing.Nevertheless the force failed and my skin was pinched after all.Then began the scary part,I could not feel the slightest sensation of pain.This was really not good.

I shut my eyes to imagine myself waking up from the dream.Luckily...I was successful.Sitting on the couch I switched on the TV in order to return to sanity.As the show was playing I felt really irritated (and it did not have anything to do with what was showing).In a fit of frustration I got up to give a flying kick to the TV.

At that very moment I woke up and fell from the couch,forehead first.I thanked my luck for being knocked to my senses till I realized ...the moment that I had fallen down, my head didn't hurt at all.In fact, it felt as if it bounced right back instead of crashing,as if I were in zero gravity.

By now it had probably dawned upon me that I was trapped.I tried biting my finger to reassure myself but ended up only disappointing myself when it did not register any pain or any other sensation for that matter.

Knowing that I had nothing I could do...I decided to take a nap...just before I could hit the couch I stopped all of a sudden and began rationalizing.I was in a dream world because I was sleeping all this time and that's why even know, I could not wake up because I was really asleep in reality.

.............F**ck!Its true.No matter how hard I try to deny it, i know that its true...since I cannot get up,there is only one possible explanation........I'm dead.

Eternal sleep.

Hi Young gun, Pink here.

Nitpicks/comments

Tired as i was from the tennis practice I had,

Watch out for your "I". Be sure to capitalize them.

I hit the shower and decided to go to sleep on the couch.After waking up the first thing I did was hit the shower.

You have a repetition here.

just before I could hit the couch I stopped all of a sudden and began rationalizing.

I think there should be a comma after couch.

I was in a dream world because I was sleeping all this time and that's why even know, I could not wake up because I was really asleep in reality.

I think you mean, that's why even *now (not know)

.............F**ck!Its true.No matter how hard I try to deny it, i know that its true...since I cannot get up,there is only one possible explanation........I'm dead.

I actually don't like the ten periods there...I think three would have worked just fine.
Also, I think its is supposed to be it's. It is true. It's true.

Overall, I actually really liked this. The whole dream/death aspect was quite interesting. Although, I'm quite confused as to how he died, maybe you could have expanded on that idea a little?
I'm thinking that all these little dream parts were painting some sort of idea of how he died. For example the soap, did it mean something? Was there something on his body?
What about when he kicked the TV? What caused that? Or when he fell? I continued to think there was something behind them, like clues to his death but I can't put it together, maybe they were just random dreams or something.
Anyway, I think you did a pretty neat job. The idea you presented about death's view is cool too. What if that's what really happens? XD
Anywho, I enjoyed this short story.

~Shear

Interesting story! As far as i can see all your mistakes have been picked up. But how does he die? Is this going to cotinue on? if not then you should add a bit in to help let us know how he died.

Overall fairly good job.

This is a little confusing. How did she die? When you say 'hit the shower' it's a little awkward. Your grammar could be a little better, try to use spaces with the commas and periods. The 'flying kick to the tv' part is a little fast, would you actually kick your tv just because you were irritated? Sorry for all my nit picks. This is an ok story.

Alzora