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Young Writers Society


Brooklyn Bridge falls



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5 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 1116
Reviews: 5
Tue Nov 02, 2010 11:03 pm
kyleb06 says...



Hi! My name is James Harrison. I am a twelve year-old student on my way to a new foster family. I have belonged to about fifteen family's. Some could say I'm a trouble student. Anyway, back to the story. I was crossing the Brooklyn Bridge on my long journey to my temporary family. Most of my homes have been in the green, rolling hills of the middle states. I especially loved Idaho. There was plenty of potatoes. However, This was way different from the back country. Tall, unending gray skyscrapers rose around me as I entered New York city.

I looked around for a cab. Eventually I found one with an Islamic driver. His name was Ahmed some-thing or other. Not that I cared. So on the way there we crossed countless gray streets. It was fun to window shop every time we got stuck in traffic. When I got out of the cab I noticed Ahmed was following me...
The pen is not as sharp as the sword.
  





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51 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 4343
Reviews: 51
Wed Nov 03, 2010 12:05 am
leebass says...



Hi, this is a good start. There's not much to say because it's so short. Next time wait until you've written the whole story before posting it for a review. You'll get a lot more out of it and it's more interesting to read. It's a good start though, keep it up :)

kyleb06 wrote:Hi! My name is James Harrison. I am a twelve year-old student on my way to a new foster family. I have belonged to about fifteen family's (families). Some could say I'm a trouble (troubled)student. Anyway, back to the story. I was crossing the Brooklyn Bridge on my long journey to my temporary family. Most of my homes have been in the green, rolling hills of the middle states. I especially loved Idaho. There was (were)plenty of potatoes. However,(this) This was way different from the back country. Tall, unending gray skyscrapers rose around me as I entered New York city.

I looked around for a cab. Eventually I found one with an Islamic driver. His name was Ahmed some-thing or other. Not that I cared. So on the way there we crossed countless gray streets. It was fun to window shop every time we got stuck in traffic. When I got out of the cab I noticed Ahmed was following me...
  





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7 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1208
Reviews: 7
Wed Nov 10, 2010 10:11 pm
ElisaDonut says...



Please write more. I want to read about the Brooklyn Bridge falling, and I want to see more of Ahmed. He's my favourite character of the two.... I love the way the main charrie is really sarcastic - I can see where that came from. xD I'm kidding. But chyeah, this is pretty cool even though it's short, but being short isn't always a bad thing for a story.
Can't wait for Part 2. o3o
You just lost the game.
  





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Gender: None specified
Points: 1060
Reviews: 3
Sun Nov 21, 2010 5:05 am
JazzyJumppi says...



You have great writing potential like it a lot !You should try publishing! Check out mine it’s called
The Double Life!
  








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