Young Writers Society

heres another. all tips and comments appreciated!!

April 22, 2008 07:00
Fokker 100, Contact Air 1348.

It was a normal day for the crew of Contact Air and boarding couldn’t be quicker. On this flight, Captain Wolfgang laserstrasse and first officer Jens humidor take control of this Fokker 100. As The pilots run through their departure checklists the first officer makes his second call today to Zürich tower, “good morning Zürich tower, this is Contact Air flight 1348 has IFR to Warsaw.” Immediately after the request, tower responds. “Contact Air 1348, Flight to Warsaw approved, takeoff and maintain runway heading until established on approach, maintain 5,500 feet, contact ground on 121.75” “121.75 for Contact Air 1348” while switching radios the captain makes his contact to the cabin. “Good morning ladies and gentleman and welcome on Contact Air , this is your captain speaking, my name is Wolfgang laserstrasse and on the right side my first officer Jens Humidor, this flight is to Warsaw and we are due to be there in about one hour and forty five minutes, you are currently sitting in a Fokker 100 and the weather at Warsaw seems bad but that won’t stop this flight, I wish you a pleasant flight.” Finishing off his speech the first officer gets clearance to taxi to the active. Pushing the throttle, he eventually moves and starts to taxi.
Also at Zürich stands by a United 09 filling up for a long flight to New York. Holding Captain Jason Morgan and first officer BO Johnson, it couldn’t be a better flight. While Captain Morgan holds 5,600 fours of flight time and highly experienced on this triple 7, First Officer Johnson is close to retirement, holding 8,500 flight hours, as well powerful experience on this jet. Unexpectedly, wind starts to shift and the heavy storms start to form from France and quickly head for Zürich. “Contact Air 1348,the wind shift made departure on RNWY 28 impossible, you have been cleared for RNWY 10.taxi use on runway ” Blurts tower to the captain. “Alright, taxing to RNWY 10 using RNWY 28, Contact Air 1348” as he finishes off his clearance, the captain then tells cabin crew the news. The First officer on the United flight also makes his call to tower, “Zürich tower, this is United 09 has IFR to New York, requesting clearance.” For a few moments it seemed as tower has not received the call but then responds. “ United 09, cleared IFR to New York, takeoff and maintain runway heading until established on approach, maintain 5,600 feet.” Responding to the clearance, the Captain makes a call to cabin “good morning ladies and gentlemen this is your captain speaking, my name is Jason Morgan and on my right side is first officer BO Johnson, this flight is to New York and we will be flying for about nine hours, you are sitting in a Boeing 777-300, relax and enjoy the flight and I wish you a pleasant flight.” Switching off the phone he receives clearance and starts letting the jet roll towards the active.


GREETS!

I love this one! It's better than your last post ;b I just want a little more detail at the end.

Keep Writing!
Nike

Hi there, Hailey the 2nd, a plseasure to read someone with a serious bent. I've just divided it into readable paragraphs and will insert stuff here and there.
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April 22, 2008 07:00
Fokker 100, Contact Air 1348.

It was a normal day for the crew of Contact Air and boarding couldn’t be quicker. On this flight, Captain Wolfgang laserstrasse and first officer Jens humidor take control of this Fokker 100. /abrupt tense switch between these two sentences/As The pilots run through their departure checklists the first officer makes his second call today to Zürich tower, “good morning Zürich tower, this is Contact Air flight 1348 has IFR to Warsaw.”

Immediately after the request, tower responds /The tower responds immediately/. “Contact Air 1348, Flight to Warsaw approved, takeoff and maintain runway heading until established on approach, maintain 5,500 feet, contact ground on 121.75”

“121.75 for Contact Air 1348” while switching radios the captain makes his contact to the cabin /you the author wouldn't hurt to switch scenes as he switches radios, and throw in a few sentences of the inside of the ariplane, where his voice is heard/ “Good morning ladies and gentleman and welcome on Contact Air , this is your captain speaking, my name is Wolfgang laserstrasse and on the right side my first officer Jens Humidor, this flight is to Warsaw and we are due to be there in about one hour and forty five minutes, you are currently sitting in a Fokker 100 and the weather at Warsaw seems bad but that won’t stop this flight, I wish you a pleasant flight.” Finishing off his speech /Just as he finishes his welcome speech/the first officer gets clearance to taxi to the active. Pushing the throttle, he eventually moves and starts to taxi./He pushes the throttle, the giant machine begins to move forward./

Also at Zürich stands by a United 09 filling up for a long flight to New York. Holding /Boasting?/Captain Jason Morgan and first officer BO Johnson, it couldn’t be a better flight. While Captain Morgan holds 5,600 fours of flight time and highly experienced on this triple 7, First Officer Johnson is close to retirement, holding 8,500 flight hours, as well powerful experience on this jet. Unexpectedly, wind starts to shift and the heavy storms start to form from France /as heavy storms form in France/and quickly head for Zürich.

“Contact Air 1348,the wind shift made departure on RNWY 28 impossible, you have been cleared for RNWY 10.taxi use on runway ” Blurts /Snaps? 'Blurt' is kinda more chaotic/tower to the captain.

“Alright, taxing to RNWY 10 using RNWY 28, Contact Air 1348” as he finishes off his clearance, the captain then tells cabin crew the news.

The First officer on the United flight also makes his call to tower, “Zürich tower, this is United 09 has IFR to New York, requesting clearance.”

For a few moments it seemed as tower has not received the call but then responds. “ United 09, cleared IFR to New York, takeoff and maintain runway heading until established on approach, maintain 5,600 feet.”

Responding to the clearance, the Captain makes a call to cabin “good morning ladies and gentlemen this is your captain speaking, my name is Jason Morgan and on my right side is first officer BO Johnson, this flight is to New York and we will be flying for about nine hours, you are sitting in a Boeing 777-300, relax and enjoy the flight and I wish you a pleasant flight.” Switching off the phone he receives clearance and starts letting the jet roll towards the active. /this is the second time a captain has just finished speaking to the passangers and receives clearance, need to jazz up descriptions a bit/
***
Okay, good behind the scenes buildup, soon you have to introduce some passangers, and not only through quick descriptions of life-stories, but also through dialogues and clothes/choice of books etc. Good luck!