Miss?

"No get off me! Leave me alone... Darren you messed up not me, there is nothing left between us if there ever was anything.." I hissed hatred making my eyes bulge.
"Come on you don't mean that babe," he said grabbing my hand.
"If you touch me again i'll call the police," Anger twisting my insides.
"You wouldn't babe,"
"Try me" I whispered coldly and turned facing the snowy blizzard, I swung my bag over my shoulder and lunged into the cold mist, my huge doc martens clanking and rubbing off my feet slowing my pace.
I was wearing a belly top and three quarter lengths and about half an inch of snow and hail clung to my sopping, freezing cold body. I was frozen, tired and not going home. I relented though when I saw a near by pub with a cosy fire. I pushed the door open with my head and squelshed over to the fire where I dropped my bags and sank next to the fire.
After a while I realeased it was silent and everyone was looking at me.
"What?! You never seen a saturated girl before?!"I rose to my feet fingering my dyed black hair.
They all swiveled back into their chairs and began eating again.
I walked over to the counter and asked how much a beer was.
"1.50 can I see your ID please"
I handed over my ID card and groaned inwardly, I hated how my age was underestimated.
"Ok but eh miss you look freezing and being drunk in this weather won't do you any good." The bar man mumbled.
"I don't intend on getting drunk OK?! Plus I already went to the trouble of running away from my mum so don't you go telling me what to do,"
" Ok ok whatever miss," he replied as he handed me the beer.
" Yeah and cut out the 'miss' "

I sat down by the fire, this time at a table and sipped my beer with my eyes closed.
I wonder if he'd let me sleep here.
"So where you headed?"
I looked up to see a young guy sitting at the oppisite chair. He had ear length brown hair and deep brown eyes. He was well dressed in a coat and jeans.
" What's it to you? And you can't just come sit at someone else's table with out asking you know? Someone could be sitting there?" I snapped
"Is there?"
"Maybe" I turned to the fire and held my cold hands up close to the dancing flames.
"Well then.." He smirked "Is it cool to be freezing cold in this weather or is there a better explanation for your clothes?"
" Don't you have something better to do? And I was dancing so no my clothes are not just so I can be 'cool' and this is not any of your bussiness for that matter," I looked him in the eye.
"You dance?! Hip-hop I take it."
"Listen Mr.Nice guy I'm not in the mood for this and I have to find a place to stay tonight so can you.. I don't know go find someone else who'll satisfy you!" I said slamming down my empty glass of beer.
"What happens if I find you quite satisfying?! You and your 'attire' amuse me emmensly,"
I cringed at his posh tone of voice and simply grabbed my bag and quickly walked out of the pub door.
" Wait um.. Miss? I have a spare bed I could let you use for the night and a car while we're on the subject-This coat is not water proof and ridiculously expensive!"
"Oh yes sire is it a ferrari for one only sit on pure leather seats and is the blankets on the bed cashmere?!" I turned and replied in a posh english accent.
"But of course dear," he retorted throwing his hands up and covering his head from the pelting snow and rain, "Well?! I really can't afford to ruin this coat?! Are you going to accept?"
I laughed sourly and turned into the rain.
After maybe about five minutes walking I heard the sound of an engine and turned to see a land rover coming up behind me. I continued walking as I had recognised the guy from the pub.
" Miss thy carriage awaits, come on just get in for a minute and at least wait until the rain stops,"
I kept my pace and thought about what he was offering. He clearly wasn't going away so I pulled open the door of the jeep and climbed in.
"Yes that's the girl, Well miss can I offer you a bed to rest thy head on?"
"Miss... Miss?!"
I didn't answer, I was tired,cold and the heat of the jeep caused my eyes to close. I was soon asleep, completely at comfort with the bumby rythme of the jeep.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapt 2
"Ugh," I yawned and tugged at my frizzy morning hair. Where was I?!
The pub. Cute guy. His house.
He walked in looking smug and handed me a drink of tea.
"Morning Miss.. how was your sleep?!"
" Fine," I mumbled taking the tea from him and peering into the cup "I don't drink tea,"
" I can't offer you anything else, I don't have anything else in the house sorry," He frowned.
"S'fine"

SORRY MY DAD NEEDED THE COMPUTER SO ILL WRITE MORE AS SOON AS I GET BACK ON!!

First of all hey girl hows life, any ways i read your peace of work here quite impressive, a typical American story but i think you had minor grammatical mistakes which i pointed out so well here they are

in the fourth line you said
"If you touch me again i'll call the police," Anger twisting my insides.

"anger twisting my insides..." doesn't quite make sense
maybe its a typo where you actually meant to so anger twisted my insides.

later on you wrote "I don't intend to get drunk rite?" which was completely pointless in regards the context as it would be better if you wrote it in a more non questiony way like "i don't intend to get drunk ok?" but maybe its just me

also when the barman says "ok ok miss whatever" that was wierd as it seemed childish it could have just been whatever it would have been more suited to the theme you were trying to write

over all i think the story was interesting and you remained on the topic so there was nothing irrelevant. the end was little hazy as she got in and slept in the car i presume, that didn't quite make sense as you could have polished it more by taking the girl to the guys house at least.

Hope i helped
Remember to stay motivated

Yours truly
-Stephene

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