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I noticed a few inconsistencies in your verb tenses throughout this piece. I out in bold an example of past and italics one of present.My mouth was gagged and I couldn’t scream my pain to the dark emptiness of the cold room. My hands were tied to the pipe behind me so I couldn’t reach out and break his neck in two, or skin him and let him slowly bleed to death while I break every bone in his body.
I like the vividness of this.I felt my skin splitting open like a piece of fabric being torn.
This didn't make sense to me. SHe looked up whil ehe knelt down?I stared up at his face, while he stood on his knees and knelt down to do a better job
he should be lower case and I really don't know what you mean by 'hauling'. . .‘Look down!’ He said and slapped me with the heel of the blade hilt, hauling a moan of pain from my throat and a gasp for breath when the hit was insistently followed by an unpredicted slash of my skin.
First of all, it isn't clear who's chuckling here. Second, cut the 'happily' out. We get what you mean.Chuckling happily, I watched him running a finger along the most recent wound, covering his skin with my blood.
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