Young Writers Society

This is one of many of my Character like plots, just a random section of writing about one of many Characters I'm going to be using in a novel I'm thinking of writing. Feedback please.

The air was thin,. The night was cursed into oblivion,No comma here. and the stars were bright and Erik sat, there in the middle of the forest with his shirt drenched in crimson blood, dripping from it shattering as the drops if blood hit the ground, rippling Say this latter part of the sentence out loud. Does it sound right? Not to me. Rework it.. His hands were covered in blood and a blade-like katana was in his hand, drenched in blood, dripping off the end. A grin had been placed across Erik's face as he laughed, silently licking the blood off his katana and lips,. "Put that weapon down or we will shoot," said one of the hunters who had been surrounding Erik with their revolvers pointed at him,. They had been loaded with wooden bullets and Erik could smell their splendid smell [of wood]delete. Erik placed his katana on the ground,. The hunters started to smile, sending the bullets [went]delete off anyway,. They hit Erik but did nothing, not even breaking the skin. Erik looked up and smiled at the hunters, saying, "You silly children,. You know nothing,. you base everything you know off stories! Myths! And no true facts!" [Erik said as]delete He appeared behind the first hunter who had told him to put his blade down and placed the blade to the hunters neck, decapitating him, spilling his blood onto the ground, and only three hunters were left standing, shaking in fear as they dropped their guns [in fear]delete and backed up slowly. "Then there were three," Erik said with a snicker. The hunters pulled out crosses that were also stakes and ran at Erik,. "Stereotypical fools.," Erik said as they tried to drive the stakes into him,. Erik just smiled, for they had come to him and he didn't need to move himself what so whatsoever,. "God, I love it when my food comes to me!" Erik said as he swiped the blade once in the air, cutting all three hunters along the waist, and there was only the sound of the blade, and the sound of blood dripping upon the soil...No space here. and the body of the hunters as they toppled to the ground. Erik smiled and licked the blood off his blade, he placing it in its holster and smiling,. "Your souls belong to me now...No space here. didn't I mention? We vampires eat souls..., not blood," Erik said as he opened his mouth and silent screams filled the air as Erik just licked his lips with a smile. "Stupid hunters..".

This is just what I wrote so I know the basic idea of the character, and his personality and such. I have at least twelve of these for different characters. This is just one I had printed out at school one day and thought I'd share, feedback?

P.S. This is written because I'm going to write a story (possible novel), about a bunch of races like everything you've ever seen in books and stuff! And throw them all into one big war over a gem that with it they can rule the world.. but ever race has it's own idea of the gems power and different uses they want it for... there will be alliances... hatred... revenge.. love.. and everything you can think of!

Wow. Okay. Lots of red marks here, but don't get demotivated. The idea was very nice, if not pleasant, and I'm guessing this "Eric" will have a role to play in this story of yours.

MaskedPoet wrote:This is one of many of my Character like plots, just a random section of writing about one of many Characters i'm going to be using in a novel I'm thinking of writing. Feedback please.

The air was thin,. tThe night was cursed into oblvionoblivion,No comma here. and the stars were bright and Erik say Sat, maybe? there in the middle of the forest with his shirt drenched in crimson blood, dripping from it shattering as the drops if blood hit the ground, rippling Say this latter part of the sentence out loud. Does it sound right? Not to me. Rework it.. His hands were covered in blood and a blade-like katana was in his hand, drenched in blood, dripping off the end. A grin had been placed across Erik's face as he laughed, silently licking the blood off his katana and lips,. "Put that weapon down or we will shoot," Ssaid one of the hunters who had been surrounding Erik with theretheir revolvers pointed at him,. tThey had been loaded with wooden bullets and Erik could smell thetheir splendid smell [of wood]delete. Erik placed his katana on the ground,. tThe hunters started to smile, assending the bullets [went]delete off anyway,. tThey hit Erik but did nothing, not even breakbreaking the skin. Erik looked up and smiled at the hunters, saying, "yYou silly children,. yYou know nothing,. you base everything you know off stories! Myths! aAnd no true facts!" [Erik said as]delete hHe appeared behind the first hunter who had told him to put his blade down and placed the blade to the hunters neck, decapitating the hunterhim, spilling his blood onto the ground, and only three hunters were left standing, shaking in fear as they dropped theretheir guns [in fear]delete and backed up slowly. "Then there were three," Erik said with a snicker. The hunters pulled out crosses that were also stakes and ran at Erik,. "Stereotypical fools.," Erik said as they tried to drive the stakes into him,. Erik just smiled, for they had camecome to him and he didn't need to move himself what so everwhatsoever,. "God, I love it when my food comes to me!" Erik said as he swiped the blade once in the air, cutting all three hunters along the waist, and there was only the sound of the blade, and the sound of blood dripping aponupon the soil...No space here. and the body of the hunters as they toppled to the ground. Erik smiled thenand licked the blood off his blade, he placedplacing it in it'sits holster and smiling,. "Your souls belong to me now...No space here. didn't I mention? UsWe vampires eat souls..., not blood," Erik said as he opened his mouth and silent screams filled the air as Erik just licked his lips with a smile. "Stupid hunters..".

This is just what I wrote so I know the basic idea of the character, and his personality and such. I have at least twelve of these for different characters. This is just one I had printed out at school one day and thought I'd share, feedback?

P.S. This is written because I'm going to write a story (possible novel), about a bunch of races like everything you've ever seen in books and stuff! And throw them all into one big war over a gem that with it they can rule the world.. but ever race has it's own idea of the gems power and different uses they want it for... there will be alliances... hatred... revenge.. love.. and everything you can think of!

Okay, I think I got everything. Also, all the times you say "Erik said" should be changed to "said Erik." It's just proper, and sounds a little better, too.

Thanks, I edited it Yea, I'm bad at spelling and stuff... but I'm a good writer.

Yes, it's the writing that ultimately counts.

But, that's why there are editors.