Young Writers Society

I hurried to pull on some black jeans and a dark sweater. Alan was waiting for me impatiently, and I had to move quickly. Adrenaline flowed through me as I pulled on a navy blue hat, grabbed some gloves, and then raced out the door. Alan’s friend, Mathew, was already standing there, stamping his feet and grinning with excitement. The two boys were muttering something to each other, which made me immediately suspicious. When two boys mutter and grin, that’s a bad sign. Trust me.

We decided to take bets on who was going to be “it” when Iain, my other brother, yelled for us to wait – he wanted to play hide and seek in the dark too. Of course, Mathew and Alan could hardly refuse. After all, Iain was three years older than they were, so that put them in a difficult situation. They grinned to one another about him wanting to play, as it would add tothe fun, but it would be dreadfully dishonorable to them to suggest that, without first making a pretend fuss. I'm not quite sure what this bit implies, it seems a bit of a muddle. Perhaps look to rewrite it?

After they had figured out what was what, (boys have to pretend to be annoyed with one another, when they are secretly immensely pleased) we continued on with our bets for who had to become the insufferable searcher. Our way of deciding that was Alan yelled “Who’s it?” and everybody had to say “Not me!” as fast as their tongues could manage. Whoever was the last one to say “Not me!” became “it.” As you may imagine, this was quite the failure since everybody was sure he was not the one to shout out last. After trying, (with little success) several times, and after several arguments, (remember, they were pretending to argue, but were actually laughing inside, myself included) Mathew consented to become the dreaded “it.” About time someone manned up and showed some courage!

I, quietly rejoicing that Iain, my favorite brother, had joined us in this extremely treacherous game, asked him if I couldn’t tag along and hide close by. But NO. What brother wants his little sister hiding near him? It would ruin his carefully laid plans of secrecy after all! Harrumph. I was more careful than them by far; they were like a giant pack of elephants crashing through brush, and I was as a dainty little mouse. Or so I thought.

Our house was surrounded by many excellent hiding places; we had a long wooden fence along one side, its height throwing eerie shadows on the tangled mass of rocks, grass and small trees. In the very back of our property we had a gully. It was gorgeous by day, but at night you tended to avoid it; at least, you never went there by yourself. It was deep, and thick with foliage, with a small pond, and wonderful climbing trees. There were small paths twining randomly, leading you to places unknown, scraggly brush and budding trees confusing you, so you might end up lost where wild animals were bound to sniff you out and have your guts! As you may have guessed, I would never have dreamt of going all the way back there, to the haunting darkness of “The Gully”, alone at night, but I was none too impressed that my brothers, who were boys, and older than me by years, were too weak-minded to face the creaking branches and snapping twigs.

There were a few places I could consider for my safe haven; we had a marsh, with depressed-looking weeping willows growing from one side. Fields of cattails towered over the dismal place, lending plenty of creeping shadows in which to hide. In front of our house, you could hide in the ditch by the road, but the best solution for me was the tall, wavy, dead grass and various bushes lining the boundary of our land, where on the other side lived our grouchy, nosey neighbors. It was THE - doesn't need to be capitalised, italics would be better here, as you are emphasising the word. place to hide, but had I guessed my dear brother’s mind was leaning in the same direction, I would not have considered taking refuge in the shaggy brambles.

I ran quickly from bush to bush, inspecting which looked the coziest, till I found one to fit my satisfaction. I knelt down, and crawled silently (or so I thought) under the chosen bush. I squirmed around till I found a reasonably comfortable position, and waited for Mathew to come. After what seemed like minutes, but was in fact a few seconds, I heard footsteps moving outside my shelter. My heart started pounding, as I tried to breathe quietly. I just had to see where Mathew was. Was he looking in my direction? How far away was he? As I moved aside the leaves blocking my view, the rustle screamed in the deathly still. Oh no. He had heard it! He turned around and said, “Lydia? Is that you?” It was Iain. Whew, close call.

“Shhh, I thought you were Mathew.” I spoke softly.

“Why are you hiding here?”

“Be quiet!”

“I think someone’s coming!”

The moment passed and in the silence that followed, all one heard was the croaking of frogs and the chirping of crickets. A wan moon glared down sullenly, daring anyone to complain of its pale glow. My leg started cramping, and just as I was about to take the risk and move, I heard the gentle rustle of someone trotting over dew dampened grass. I wanted to warn Iain, but the danger of being discovered was too great.

The footsteps came nearer and nearer till they stopped suddenly. Mathew must have had a suspicion. He walked a little farther, and just as he decided to turn back I made a run for it. I don’t know what it was: fear, my leg cramps, or me wanting to sacrifice myself to save Iain (I rather favor the later) I’ll never know.

I tore down to the pond, and hid gasping in the leering shadows. I listened intently for the sound of pursuit and suddenly heard a loud breathing sound in my ear. I screamed, and then discovered it was only Alan. (Nice, Lydia. Two false alarms!) Although using brackets might appear nice, you could use Italics for this sentence - as it is direct thought, or simply refrase the sentence, so that it begins with something like 'Nice Lydia', i thought 'Two false alarms.' I had given the hiding place away, so I thundered on past Alan toward the house, where I collapsed, lying against the house. I lay panting, waiting for the blood to stop pounding in my ears, when laughter interrupted the night. Huh? The Huh? at the end of this paragraph seems abit out of place with the rest of the text.
I discovered later, that Mathew had found both Iain and Alan from me making noise, but no one seemed to know where I was. Of all things! I crept out of the dullness near the house and jogged over to them, where, after telling my story, we all had a good laugh.