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Young Writers Society


In Darkness



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Wed Mar 16, 2011 5:00 pm
dante93 says...



He ran across the dirty back streets of his hometown, streets filled with dark alleyways and dimly lit street lights. He ran from another figure chasing him, one who wore a blood-covered clown mask. He wielded two weapons, a large meat cleaver and a hatchet.
"Leave me alone!" the small, scrawny boy cried as he fell over a trash can which stood at the edge of the corner on 8th street, the worst part of town.
The large, muscular shadow lumbered near the boy as he got up up from where he fell.
"Richard! I'm going to make you pay for what you did to him! I'm going to make you pay for your betrayal of this family," the shadow screeched as he swung the hatchet at Richard's head, nearly missing him.
Richard dodged the blow and sprinted down 9th street. His heart was pounding as he ran, memories of what he had done, who he had killed, why he had done it--everything leading up this moment.
"I did nothing! It was his idea. It was his fault. He wanted to fight. He told me he could beat me! He insisted. I did nothing." Richard squawked over his shoulder as he he ran has fast as he could.
The thick pile of blonde hair on his head protruded sweat as he became short of breathe. His face became red after a short while of running. The shadowy figure behind him ran at such a close range he could have killed Richard at any moment.
"I hope you're suffering now. I hope you realize what you have done. I hope you know that you will not survive this night," the clown said as he neared Richard again, nearly missing for a second time.
His figure was that of man who had broad shoulder, muscular legs and arms, which, to Richard were like tree trunks.
"Please! Please! It wasn't my fault. Please leave me alone. I beg you!" screamed Richard as he veered left into a an alley onto another street.
The alley, though, was one that was pitch black, filled with darkness, with no light. Jaccob's fear amplified as he entered the alley. His heart seemed to stop, as though his heart had finally given out. The short distance from the party to now had tired Richard. The distance had taken it's toll on his physical and mental state.
As he scrambled onto the next street he stumbled as he jumped from the sidewalk to the street and fell hard to the ground hitting his head, knees, arms.
"I got you know," he heard the masked man say.
As the mysterious figure said this Richard blacked out, fading into a state of blackness, receding deep into himself.
A few hours later he awoke, standing, tied up in an alley which was slightly lit by a small incandescent bulb hanging above a slightly opened door became covered with tear
"Help me! Someone help me!" he screamed, but no one came. There he stood, hands overhead, tied alone, screaming, begging for what seemed like hours for help, but no one came.
During that time he became an even more pathetic sight than what he was before. He melted until he was nothing but a puddle of humanity, remnants of what a person is.
By the time the masked figure revealed himself from shadow Richard's face was covered with snot and tears. He was limp and weak as the figure spoke.
"Stop your crying you pathetic wretch. I hate when things as low as you cry. You have nothing to be sad for because you have caused all of this. Now I will kill you, slowly for your treason." said the clown masked figure, clutching the hatchet he tried to kill Richard with a few hours before.
"Please, Please I didn't mean to kill that boy. I didn't mean to stab him. Please I beg you. He attacked me. He tried to hurt me. I was just defending myself." squeaked Richard as he moaned in pain from his outstretched arms.
"He was my brother. He was a fun loving person. I know everything that happened and I don't care because he was more important to me than you. You will die here. And you will suffer. I am going to chop you into tiny pieces, minute, miniscule pieces of flesh which will be unrecognizable when I'm done rending your flesh until only specs of you are left." said the clown as he neared Richard, whose fear had frozen him, stiff and cold, hard and lifeless.
Richard could only stare as the clown raised his hatchet.
"No Please don't. I am sorry, truly sorry. Please. Don't kill me."
The vicious clown did not respond. His image in the pale light of the dirty alley made him seem some sort of supernatural monster. His mask seemed lifelike. Its hunger his. Its demonic features his as well. There was a person inside of the mask, but the mask then overshadowed the human.
"Now it is time to die scum. Any last words?" the clown said, raising his hatchet.
"I beg you for the last time. Please. Killing your brother was a mistake. I could have just injured him in the fight. I could have just left, but something inside me made me kill him. Some darkness. Please, if you let me live I will work the rest of my life to atone for my crime." begged Richard.
"No." said the masked clown as he swung the hatchet at Richard.
Richard screamed as the blade cut loose the wire which bound him. He hit the damp, disgusting floor of the alley with tremendous velocity. He looked up at the bloodied clown, now kneeling over him.
"What? I-I don't understand." exclaimed Richard, baffle at what had just happened.
"I wouldn't if I were you either." said the clown as he removed his mask.
"David! David! What the hell? Why?" asked Richard.
"I just wanted to fuck with you man." I heard about what you did and I simply felt like exploiting that fear for my own amusement. I'm sorry if I nearly killed you. I really wasn't trying to,"said David as he helped Richard to his feet.
"I got you good though didn't I?" said David asked to Richard, who stepped in front of him as they walked out of the alley.
"Yes. Very. I really thought you were going to ki--"said Richard as David thrust his hatchet into his back.
Richard fell to the ground, dead before he dropped and bled. David waited for a moment while the blood formed a pool around Richard. He knelt beside the corpse, wet his hand with blood and smeared it on his face.
"Blood for Blood." said David as he got up and walked away from Richard, putting his clown mask back over his face.
-Dante93
  





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Mon Mar 21, 2011 11:21 pm
fullmetal54 says...



Wow... I seriously thought he was just kidding until he went against his word :O That was really good !
  





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Wed Mar 23, 2011 3:12 am
charcoalspacewolfman says...



First off, I kinda liked the story. It's dark, well enough, and it sends little shivers down my spine. You have a few problems with grammar, like you should use the past perfect tense in "the hatchet he tried to kill Richard with a few hours before." It should be "he had tried."
As for the other errors you had, there are many and I don't remember them all and you can edit later should you so desire. Good story. It tells enough of the story so I don't have questions, but not enough to make it about the backstory.
The ending was kinda a surprise, but it was definitely fitting.
HMS Tragedy?! We should-we should have known!!!
  





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Sat Mar 26, 2011 4:22 am
dante93 says...



I understand the grammar if you speak of commas and such, but if it was in dialog it was intentional.
-Dante93
  








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