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Camping Trip to Death.



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Points: 300
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Mon Oct 24, 2011 4:37 pm
KieranGamble says...



The sun was rising above the trees in the horizon, The birds were tweeting and there was a fresh breath of air blowing down the street. The leaves were falling from the tree's and covering the paths. Izaac was riding his bike through the leaves, "EE What's that smell", He said with frown upon his face. Izaac got of his bike and went to see...He cycled through poo, "Great...Just great, I'm meant to be in school in 15 minutes and i have poo on my bike" Said izaac. He wiped the poo off his bike with the tissue he found inside his pocket, He carried on riding his towards his friends house who lived around the corner. Izaac got of his bike..walked up to knock the door and Jack jumped from behind and scared Izaac, "Hey Izaac, Whats that smell, eww" Jack said while holding his nose. Jack got on the back of Izaac's bike as they rode to school ready for the school trip. They arrived at school and waiting outside was Mr. Roberts, waiting for the other four students to arrive. "Alright sir" Jack Mumbled while he was eating his cheese and onion sandwiches. The four students arrived one by one. Abbey, Cody, Shannon and Rosie. "Great everyone is here, now lets get on the mini bus and go" Mr. Roberts Shouted with a big white grin on her face. Everyone was getting onto the coach knowing what a great time they will have camping. "Abbey come sit next to me" Cody asked his Girlfriend quietly. Jack wanted to sit away from the girls, leaving Shannon to sit next to Izaac. Rosie who couldn't find anywhere to sit sat next to Jack, She was really new in the area and wanted to get to know more people.



The bus journey would take up to three hours. The Forrest was in the middle of nowhere...Mr. Roberts, got up from his seat and said "When we get of the bus we will need to stick together because its not easy to find you when you get lost in these woods, they go on for miles". Mr. Roberts sat back down in a depressed way because he is going to be with teenagers for one week. Mr. Roberts was a really nice teacher, everyone got along with him because he let everyone off without telling them off. His best pupil was Rosie, Him and her seemed to have a special bond in the classroom. "So Abbey i tell you what when everyone is asleep i say we come out of our tents sneak of into the woods and see what happens from there" Cody said while pulling a condom out of his pocket. "

"Cody i love you so much i cant wait for this to happen" Abbey replied

"Abbey i love you too, i wanna spend the rest of my life with you" Cody whispered.



Abbey was a really pretty girl and very popular and smart, she was top of the class yet hung around with the cool kids at break times. She found this boy called Cody living in the same area and started talking to him. He was very much like her, But all of the girls were after him, funny and very smart, He chose wise...choosing abbey as his girlfriend well until the camping trip. Jack was sitting directly behind the young lovers...talking about football to Izaac, Jack wasn't that intelligent because he had a hard time at school...Being bullied and teased because of the clothes he wore...His dad was a Nottingham Forrest fan, who died because he got stabbed...so Jack started to watch, Play and talk about football to remember him by. His best friend...well only friend was Izaac who really knew how to stand out in a crowd, he was really loud, he wanted everyone to notice him wherever he went. He was quite smart, Not as smart at Cody. He was quite handsome and there was a bit of dispute between Cody and Izaac between the beautiful Abbey, So Izaac didn't really talk to him. Then there was Izaac's girlfriend Shannon, Her and Izaac were an odd couple because she was white and he was black. Rosie, Shannon's best friend, she was the crazy one who wanted attention all the time, she would do anything for people to listen to her...She was very loud and beautiful, funny and smart, there was a time when Cody and Jack had a fight over her and Jack won. She is the strong one in the friendship group because everyone has respect for her and listens to her, when she makes herself heard.



They arrived at the camp. "Everyone stay with a partner and follow us" The teachers said at the same time. They all followed the teachers in pairs deep into the Forrest's, The light was getting dimmer and the Forrest was getting darker, You could just hear breathing, Everyone didn't know how far into the Forrest they were going......."Here we are students, unpack your stuff and boys in these tents, girls in them tents" Mr. Roberts Shouted as it echoed through the woods. The students started unpacking there stuff and getting in the tents. Just before Izaac got in the tent he kissed Shannon on the lips and told her "I love you".

"WOW, There isn't much room in here sir, you expect all of us to fit in here?" Said Cody

The woods was in the middle of nowhere...the closest hospital was 20 miles away and the closest phone was 10 miles away lucky there isn't going to be anyone injured. Abbey un-zipped her tent, she walked around for a bit to get some fresh air....she saw Shannon out of her tent and standing with her back to the campsite, Abbey creapped up from behind and pushed her onto a metal pole which was sticking up......it went straight through her and blood went everywhere, Abbey picked up the body and dragged it for about a mile into a swamp and quickly ran back to join the others, who were still sleeping.



Abbey was confused in the head...she didn't know weather what she done she liked it or felt like she had done something she has regret. Everyone was sleeping....Abbey was sitting outside thinking about the consequences that could happen if anyone was to find out. Jack was next to come out of his tent, He started walking slowly deeper into the woods...closer to the dead body. Abbey shortly followed and picked up a pick knife, outside the teachers tent.

Jack pulled down his shorts and started to take a wee. He looked just over in the distance and could see a object sticking out of the swap. He pulled up his shorts and walked over in a confusion. He could smell something rotten inside the swap, He saw what he thought was a arm sticking up. He got closer then pulled the arm out....He pulled harder then grabbed it with two hands....A body appeared. "What the hell" Jack whispered. He wiped away the dirt and the leaves and found out it was Shannon...He thought someone in the campsite must have done this, He didn't want to think this because he knew he would be sleeping with a killer. He tried to run back to the camp then Abbey jumped out and started stabbing him with the knife she earlier picked up. Blood was going everywhere she carried on stabbing him in the face and the chest. He had multiple stab wounds in his body and ripped marks in his clothes. Abbey knew she had to hide the body better because she didn't want anyone finding out....again. She wanted to hide it further away..so she dragged the body deeper into the Forrest. She went back to Shannon's body and pushed it back in the swap, Before she did so she got the knife with Jack's blood on it and cut Shannon's arm off. She went back to the camp with Rosie standing outside wondering where Shannon and Abbey had gone.



"Where have you been and where is Shannon" Rosie Questioned

"I...I...ermm was looking for Shannon...yeah that's it" Abbey replied

"Well why do you have a pick knife?" Rosie Asked

"Protection because anything or anyone could be in there" Abbey Replied

"Oh right" Rosie said.

Abbey and Rosie walked into the woods looking for Shannon...well that's what Abbey made Rosie believe. It was getting at the darkest point midnight and there was a smell of dead air. Abbey and Rosie were walking deep into the Forrest with just a flashlight. They didn't know where they were going or where they would end up.

"Hey look Rosie there is a swap, lets check it out" Abbey emphasized

"Yeah...then we can go and look for Shannon" Rosie replied. They walked closer and closer towards the swap then....Izaac tapped Rosie and Abbey from behind.



"Hey...what are you doing out here?" Izaac asked

"I could ask you the same question" Abbey and Rosie replied simultaneously

"I'm looking for Jack he isn't in his tent...i saw you guys and well here i am" Izaac replied

"Yeah were looking for Shannon she isn't in her tent either" Rosie confusingly said

"I have an idea...lets split up and find them both" Abbey said with a slight smile

"Yeah great idea, meet up back at the swap in about an hour?" Izaac replied.



Abbey, Izaac and Rosie went there different ways finding Shannon and Jack...Abbey the only one knowing that this is pointless. Izaac was wondering through the Forrest alone...after leaving the others he knew he had to stand up to anything that would come his way. He was known in school for being the big man, Always getting into fights. He walked past a figure...didn't really know what it was because of how dark it was and he was focusing on the path in front of him. He walked back past the figure...Put the light on the figure and it was a dead body...Jack's. Izaac could see that there was multiple stab wounds, His clothes were torn and blood was drying up on his body. Izaac stood next to the body in a panic.

"Oh dear me izaac...I knew you could put up a good fight...but killing someone is something else, I'm going to tell Rosie on you, wake up Cody then tell him, your going down" abbey said.

"No...you're getting this wrong i walked past it and saw him lying there i swear" Izaac replied.

"Yeah your right...you never...i did" Abbey whispered with a evil smile.

"You bitch" Izaac replied with a shocked face. Abbey didn't stand there and let Izaac disrespect her like that...so she pulled the pick knife out of he pocket and without a second to spare...Abbey threw the knife into Izaac's throat, Blood was pouring onto the floor Abbey ran up and pushed the knife deeper into Izaac causing him to drop to the ground.



Abbey didn't really bother in hiding the body anymore because it was next to Jack's and walked away finding Rosie. "ABBEY" , a voice shouted from the distance. Abbey was looking around to see who could be calling her, The voice called again this time it was closer, Rosie was running with her hands in the air and screamed. "Abbey, Come quick". Abbey was standing still pretending nothing has happened or Rosie was saying anything. Abbey had her hands behind her back holding the knife and izaac's and Jack's bodies where right behind the tree, Abbey didn't want to move. "Abbey please just come, there is something important" Rosie said with a worry on her face. "Whats the point in going when i can just kill you now" Abbey replied. Rosie didn't know what Abbey was going on about...so she started to walk around Abbey then they were going round in circles. Abbey was standing in front of Rosie as they were circling the ground. Rosie looked around Abbey and saw she was hiding something...Rosie didn't know what it could possibly be. "Abbey what is in your hand" Rosie questioned. "I know what it is...its your last memory...the last thing that will touch you" Abbey replied. Abbey walked closer..."Look behind you" she whispered. Rosie looked behind her and all she could see was a river of blood travelling from behind the tree, She went around the tree and she could just see carnage. "You did this you whore" Rosie shouted and she tried to run away. Abbey quickly followed her and dropped the knife. Abbey got grips with Rosie's hair and pulled her to the ground. Abbey jumped onto Rosie and started hitting her directly in the face. Rosie reacted with anger pushing Abbey off her...getting on top of her and slapping her.



"Look what you've done, you killed two people and i bet you killed Shannon as well you physco" Rosie mumbled

"Yes...Yes...Yes i did kill them three and I'm bloody proud of it...problem?" Abbey replied.

"I do actually" Rosie said in a angry voice. Abbey stretched over and got the knife...She grabbed it and with force stabbed Rosie in the head...Rosie died instantly...her head fell towards Abbey who rolled out of the way. "I'm sorry Rosie" Abbey said while a tear appeared Then with the knife in her hand as she was standing over the bodies...Mr. Roberts shouted "Abbey...Are you okay?". Abbey turned around with blood all over her and standing in front of Mr. Roberts with a tear falling from her cheek. Mr. Roberts ran over to check what happened and as he bent down to check Shannon's stab mark in her head...Abbey stabbed Mr.Roberts in the head, he dropped to the ground on his neck with clicked. There was a bunch of bodies lying in the Forrest and Abbey standing there...She dropped the knife, Then went back to her tent. She got changed from here clothes which had blood all over and walked into Cody's tent. He was sleeping and she tapped him on the chest and said "Hey Cody wake up". Cody started to wake up his eyes and could see Abbey was leaning over him. "What are you doing in here?" Cody asked. Abbey just looked into Cody's eyes...She wanted to tell him but couldn't because she knew he would leave her. "I'm here because everyone else has gone and remember what we talked about what we might do...well I'm ready" Abbey replied.



Cody didn't know what to say...He sat up with a smile on his face. Abbey grabbed him and kissed him on the lips and said "Lets go", as she pulled him up. They both walked deeper into the Forrest, She walked the longer way to stop Cody seeing the bodies and the river of blood. They were walking holding hands as the sun was rising in the distance. "Here looks a good spot" Abbey said. They walked into the space Abbey had found and they sat down and started talking about the future, getting married and having kids. Abbey found Cody amazing she could talk to him all day about anything and everything, she felt like he was the one who she was going to live with him forever until the day he dies...She wanted him to lie in her lap when he had his last breath. They started to kiss once more as they started to 'do it'.....



They finished. "WOAH" Abbey said as she got up from the ground. She grabbed Cody's hand and pulled him up. They walked onto the road back towards the campsite holding hands. They started talking about how they should do it again and how fun it was.....Abbey stopped and pulled away from Cody and said "I cant do this anymore". Abbey carried on walking ahead without Cody...Who was standing in the middle of the road and not moving because of what Abbey said. He started to run ahead...Tapped her on the back...she turned around and stabbed him right in the heart, she put her hand on his back and layed him on the floor and placed the knife onto his chest as the blood poured through his clothes. Abbey pecked him on the cheek and said "I'm sorry" and walked away into the distance.
  





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Gender: Female
Points: 2383
Reviews: 67
Thu Oct 27, 2011 2:18 am
Alliaaryn5665 says...



Howdy,

Soooo many mistakes. I mean all over the place. It was little hard to follow, and at times a bit immature. Don't put "'do it'" put sex. Sex. Not a bad word, I promise. :p This was a great idea. Just needs a teensy bit of editing and additional sentences. Then your good.

Farewell,
-A.
You think you are any different from me,or yourfriends?Or this tree?If you listenhard enough,you canhear every living thingbreathing together.You canfeel everything growing.We are all living togethereven if most folksdon't act like it.We all havethe same roots,and we are allbranches of the sametree.
  





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Gender: Female
Points: 1103
Reviews: 11
Thu Oct 27, 2011 3:20 pm
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missbookworm says...



Hello! This is a good story and definitely has a lot of potential! There were a lot of grammar and spelling mistakes but all of that can be fixed pretty easily! A few things to keep in mind:
1. Always start a new paragraph for each new speaker. It makes the story a lot less confusing and easier to understand.
2. Make sure you use the right word. Once you said "weather" and I think you wanted to say whether.
3. Proofread, proofread, proofread!!! This story would have been much easier to read if you had gone back through and edited out all of your mistakes.
Overall, keep up the good work! I look forward to reading more from you and can't wait to see you develop more as a writer :)

Jess
  








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