Young Writers Society

I have to say, Sam, I love your writing, but sometimes I have a problem with your descriptions.

Outside, it’s chilly and practically silent except for the soft calling of an owl and the far-off pounding of a lone horse’s hooves against dust.

I don't know how anybody would be able to know what "the far-off pounding of a lone horse's hooves against dust" actually sounds like. I think you should at least remove the last bit - "against dust" cos I don't think it makes sense. Also, I think "lone" should be removed as that is suggested by the lack of plural on the horse anyway. I think this sentence is an example of too many adjectives squashed on one line. Over-describing, so to say.

There's other examples of this - "crumbly sand" where I found the pre-modifier redundant. It's easy to read through and find them. I think it distracts from the overall feel of the plot and slows down the read.

Otherwise, this was good. Glad you picked it up again. Didn't want such a story discarded!

Hey, thanks!

Have to admit...I haven't read it yet, so I'll go through and take out such.

liked it...interesting plot, ready for more. sorry that's not much crit

I just dont get the whole present tense thing. I just dont know....