Young Writers Society

Here's the prologue of my new book...It's short but still! Please be critical!



I suppose I should have always known that it would come to this. There was always something about him that suggested I would end up dying for him. Dying alone, bound to a bedpost on a quiet night.
My finger moved slightly on its own accord, curling itself around the trigger of the musket, but I mentally stopped myself. Before I died for him, I would remember; otherwise I might not have the courage to warn him, to warn him with my death.

Hello kestralspace! I am Winter, and I shall review your prologue today!

I love The Highwayman! It's one of my favorite poems. Well, your prologue is so short... there's really not much to critique. I don't see any major grammatical, spelling, or punctuation errors. The only suggestion that I have for you is to make this longer. I know it seems hard, but really you could just add some detail for length. You could describe how she knew that she would end up dying for him. Or you could describe the eeriness of the night sky, or whatever. Describe the bedpost that she is bound to. Is it intricately carved? Plain and simple?

My favorite part was the ending. What an excellent way to finish your prologue. Whatever you change, I suggest that you keep the ending. It made me want to read on.

Well done!
-Winter

Your prologue sounds interesting, but it is so short. Still, it grabs hold of the reader. I loved the ending. My few suggestions are to describe things more, the room she is in, what the characters look like, where the setting is. Things of that sort. This was intriguing. You just might have something here. *Gold Star*

Wow, this does sound quite intersting. It is hard to be critical with such a short piece but I will try.

There was always something about him that suggested I would end up dying for him. Dying alone, bound to a bedpost on a quiet night.

I would not have that second sentence indeed phrased like that. I personally would like it better if it was phrased more to give a bit of an insight other that the one you gave. Here is how I would put it:

There was always something about him that suggested I would end up dying for him. But dying alone, bound to a bedpost on a quiet night? I would never have thought that this truly was how it would turn out in the end.

I have not actually read the poem so if this does not match then I understand. But personally I do not see how a person could imagine themselves dying, bound to a bed post. That is my own oppinion.

My finger moved slightly on its own accord, curling itself around the trigger of the musket, but I mentally stopped myself.

The only thing I have a bit of confusion on is how does she have a musket pointed towards somewhere which would kill herself with one bullet, while bound to a bed? My thought of bound to a bed may be different that is what it is supposed to be, but you may want to clear that up also.

This is a really good prologue. My comments were just simple ideas that popped into my mind while reading it. It may not even effect it much. I did enjoy it quite. It was basic and simple. It surely catches the readers attention and I know that it will make the reader want to read more because at this moment I have such a desire to read the actual story.

Mind, when you have the next part written, do you mind sending me a notification to read it? I would love to take a look at it.

~Incognito

It is okay, but it really doesn't make sense. Someone knows they're going to die, but they have to wait, yet they have to warn him with her death so she's going to die anyway?

It is also too short. There are ways to make a prologue longer, even if you don't want to describe a lot.

Other than that, it's okay.

Wow!! Great start. But I suggest that you make longer. Maybe 100 words