Midnight Bliss wrote:Her muscles spasmed and shook as her consciousness returned. Her eye lids make this one word fluttered open, squinting against the brightness of the light squinting against the bright light - this would probably be better. A white blanket of snow surrounded her as she took in her surroundings. Her eyelids started to droop as she scanned the colony. Sleep was overcoming her as she bowed her head and her eyes remained closed Remained? You just said her eyes were open.
A twig snapped and she shot up She, as in her head? and eyed the groups of wooden shacks critically. She saw nothing and was too exhausted to think clearly. She dismissed the matter as quickly as it had occurred. Her whole body screamed in pain from sitting too long. How long had she been here in the cold? Fivecomma six hours? She couldn't tell. She stared off into the snow covered ground as her coherency returned, and, that's when she noticed her bonds. You started 1/2 the sentences in here with "she". Please try and make it vary.
Ropes bit into her wrists and wrapped around her torso. Fresh blood dripped into her palm as she sucked in a cold breath. The post that she was bound to bit into her back, making her corset tighten around her torso. She was having trouble breathing. She reset her gaze to the sky above her. Dawn was coming brightening the sky with streaks of orange fading into a light delicate pink. The brightcomma glorious sun slowly making it's way into the dark sky, giving it light.
As it did, the morning bell sounded. The aggravating sound sent her head reeling. Pain bounced off the insides of her head. Lanterns started being lit and everyone was up and about. Housewives opened the windows to their homes bringing the delicious scent of fresh bread into the air. Farmers with pitchforks and shovels exited their homes, preparing for their days work. As the colony was coming to life, a man stepped forward, trumpet in hand. These sentences are very short and abruptly ended. They would sound so much better if you elaborated.
It was time. Her punishment for her sins. She had stolen, lied, cheated, anything you could surmise, she's done. Her insides twisted with anxiety and fear as she predicted the following events. The man sounded his trumpet, assembling the people. He spokecomma ignoring the angry accusations of the crowd.
"Today on December 23, 1691, Georgiana Ruth Stewart is here by forth I notice that this is set in the 17th century, but this sounds a little odd to me. Try changing the "here by forth" to something else. accused of the following: Theft, extortion, attempted murder, attempted aggravated assault, assault, conspiracy to commit murder, and murder in the second degree."
Georgiana chuckled as the plump man stepped forward. His jolly middle bouncing with each step he took.
"The court of Charleston has hereby proclaimed you guilty!" he shouted, his plump finger pointing accusingly in her direction.
"You have broken the law, and, there is no need for the commas before and after the "and" you must be punished." he exclaimed as he slowly let his accusing finger drift to his side. For dramatic affect, she guessed. She couldn't surpress suppress her smile as she noticed his panting. He was out of breath after taking 3 full steps. What an accomplishment. Not only was he overly fed,but, had lack in exercise. He was If she's thinking it, wouldn't the "was" be "is"? probably just as mentally incompetent as he looked It would help to put her thoughts in italics , she thought.
She didn't know how long she could keep her laughter from surfacing. She turned her head towards the forest, hiding her smirk. She rested peacefully behind her closed eyelids as she awaited the last words that would signal her end. Her time for atonement.
" Georgiana Ruth Stewart, May God bless your soul." You should remove the space between the quotation mark and the beginning of the quote itself. Footsteps started toward her. She opened her closed eyes about to turn to meet her executioner when she heard something. It wasn't the shouts and barks of the crowd, it wasn't the small crunching of snow approaching her... it was a rustling noise. She scanned the forest; she so craved with all her being; warily. Shadows moved within the trees surrounding the settlement. Uneasiness swept through her. She turned her head back towards the man approaching her, sword in hand. If they were to cut her head off, wouldn't they use a hatchet of some sort? She closed her eyes and let a silent tear steam down her cheek as she awaited the blow.
"Any last words?" the man asked. She looked into the emerald green eyes of the strawberry blonde male. Anger flashed in those beautifulcomma pain constricted eyes. She quickly tore her gaze away, back to the maze in front of her.
"Watch the trees." and that's when they came. Maybe you should rephrase: "Watch the trees." She hissed through a wide smile, and that's when they came.
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Honestly, I'm not very confident about this chapter. Please let me know what you all thinkThanks for the reviews for the prologue
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