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Anne Boleyn: Last Moments



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Mon Feb 16, 2009 6:47 pm
Evi says...



So, Snoink has gone utterly insane on us and given me less than a week to enter her awesome contest. I, possibly being even more insane, pounded out an 894-word story about Anne Boleyn's last moments before her execution with an imp in her ear.

EDIT: Thanks so much Stella and Pop for your frantic last minute crits, and Pippie for your comments!

:shock: It won. Yay!


***

“They will arrive soon.”
How did the words sound in her ears? Did she even hear me? Of that, I could not be sure. She was kneeling so reverently that I could not help but wonder what prayer was running through her head. Bartering with the devil, no doubt. Not that it would do her any good. I knew the devil, and he wouldn't be likely to make any exceptions.
“My Anne, they are coming.”
At this she looked up from her prayer, dark eyes glinting in the early morning light. “I am not your Anne, you detestable toad. I am Queen Anne Boleyn, and you do not own me.”
But, pretty lady, it won't matter at all whose Anne you are when your head is rolling around the Tower grounds, will it? I did not say this, of course. I was not here to bicker with the damned, no matter what satisfaction it might give me. I was here for one reason and for one reason only. I was here to get her out of there. To hell with Henry.
After being sent to her side, I was certainly not prepared for what I found. I had expected a writhing, hysterical girl who would beat against the stone walls in an attempt to knock them down and escape. I had prepared myself for a woman with a manic glint in her eyes who cursed the King’s name from dawn until dusk, and dreamt only in agonizing nightmares.
What I was not expecting was a reasonably calm, accepting woman who kept her head held high and spoke detachedly, as if her words were directed towards some higher being. Maybe they were. Who knew what could be going through her head?
Of course, her acceptance would have been admirable if not for the fact that I had been relying solely on her desire to escape her prison and cheat death. By now, with the executioner summoned and people already on their way to collect her, I had been hoping to be miles away, fleeing England.
Instead, I was perched on her right shoulder, chattering quickly into her ear.
“Your Majesty, we can still escape. I am powerful. I can shatter windows and start hurricanes. I can break down this door and melt its lock until it is nothing but a pile of ashes. I can paralyze the guards until we are far away, and—”
She raised a cool eyebrow, making the Sign on the Cross. “I do not doubt your impressive abilities.”
And what was that supposed to mean?
“Then why not let me take you away from this wretched fate? Your time has not yet come, Anne. You have so much more left in you. It would be criminal to allow your life to end here, so young,” I told her, my voice soothing and smooth.
She seemed to be purposefully ignoring me. Now her prayers were faster, more frantic, as if she was fully aware that she had time for only so many more words. I heard her rattle off the name of every Saint she knew of, and murmur praises to Holy Mary. She seemed to be grasping at straws in a desperate attempt to save her soul.
Taking a look around, I knew it would hardly have been difficult to take her from the Tower by force. The stained glass window that made up the ceiling was easily breakable, and I could more than hold Anne’s small body as we sailed up and out. And then what? Break out in a run across the moat. No one would be able to catch me. I was invincible.
Invincible. If only I could get her to agree with me.
Suddenly, she stopped mid-prayer, and I hoped fervently that she had come to her senses.
“They’re here,” she mouthed; there was not enough voice left in her to utter a sound. Sure enough, they were just beyond the door, their words soft and impassive. They would be oblivious to me, of course, even once they came in. I was but an imp, there to do a mistress’s bidding. It did not matter that my mistress happened to be dead. I had been charged with Anne’s protection long before any of these complications had arisen, and I would keep battling until she, too, lay under the ground.
“Last chance, Majesty,” I hissed, gripping her shoulder blade. “I can stun them in a moment.”
She shook her head slowly, and I knew there was no swaying her.
I unclenched my fists, accepting the fact that I had failed, that my mistress’s last wish would not be fulfilled. There, in my palm, was a scrap of parchment. I stared at it only a moment before shoving it into Anne’s hands.
“Hurry, my Anne, for we have no time left for goodbyes.” I shook my head sadly, knowing what the parchment must say. It was a last letter from my mistress to my charge. And I would not stay to ruin Anne’s last moment with someone very close to her heart.
As I started to disappear, she gasped a little, choking on tears I didn’t know she was capable of crying. “My mother sent you? My mother?”
I pretended not to have heard her. It wouldn’t have done her any good anyways, to change her mind now that there was no turning back. They were already in the room.
She was as good as dead, and there was nothing left for me to do about it.
Last edited by Evi on Mon Feb 23, 2009 11:25 pm, edited 6 times in total.
"Let's eat, Grandma!" as opposed to "Let's eat Grandma!": punctuation saves lives.
  





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Mon Feb 16, 2009 8:29 pm
StellaThomas says...



Hey Evi, Stella here, as requested!

I'll try to make this as speedy as possible...

I. NITPICKS

But, pretty lady, does it matter at all whose Anne you will be when your head is rolling around the Tower grounds?


Perhaps a little rephrasing so as to put the question at the end, like "It won't matter at all... will it?"

What I was not expecting was a reasonably calm, accepting young lady who kept her head held high and spoke detachedly, as if her words were directed towards some higher being.


Anne was twenty nine in a world of lower life expectancies. Just something to think about... would he consider her young?

Okay...

II. IMPISHITY

Is that even a word? Who knows?

We find out at the end that it was Anne's mother who sent the imp. But, well, what is it?

An interesting thing I found was that the imp kept referring to the devil when imps would, at least for me, be associated with that same entity. Could it be interesting to mention that? I don't know. You don't have to. It's just a thought. Also, on a scale of one to ten, how disgusted is the imp with her? You don't give us much of an idea. I reckon just touch up on those little questions and you'll be grand.

III. OVERALL

I actually really liked it. Interesting moment of Anne's life to look at. As far as characterisation goes,

Hope I helped, and good luck with the contest!

-Stel x
"Stella. You were in my dream the other night. And everyone called you Princess." -Lauren2010
  





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Mon Feb 16, 2009 10:07 pm
anti-pop says...



Hi, Miss Evi!

I would love to do a great big review on this, but a.) we're both short on time and b.) there's really nothing to fix.
The length of this flash is perfect, namely because you're only describing one scene. Had it been any longer, I would've gotten tired of it, and if it was any shorter it would've been too rushed.
I really like the slight vagueness you give the piece; it makes it mysterious. At the same time though, you give us plenty of information, but it's not a total info-dump! You, my friend, are very talented in that aspect.
I love the strong character you managed to give the imp, even though this piece is so short. He's just so cool! Anne Boleyn as well; her courage makes us really admire her.
Overall, this is a great little flash fic you've got here. I would love to do a longer review than this, but like I said before, there's not much for me to critique! I love it! Best of luck in the contest. I think you've pretty much won already. ;)
One tiny thing: I think you should remove 'The' from the title. Personal preference. I think it just sounds cooler that way. You can completely disregard that comment, though. :D
*Gold Star*


~anti-pop
...Bitter cold, it grows
changing holds
cynicism the new norm...

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Wed Feb 18, 2009 9:31 pm
Pippiedooda says...



Hi :D This sounds pretty perfect already! I'm sure you'll do well in the contest :)

I knew the devil, and he wouldn't likely be making exceptions.


I think this sentence could be rephrased to run a little smoother, maybe something like 'he didn't often make exceptions' or 'it wasn't likely that he would make an exception'?

who would beat the stone walls in attempt to knock them down and escape


I think there needs to be an 'an' between in and attempt. I'd add 'against' after beat aswell.

Thats all I could find! I really enjoyed reading this piece, its a good idea and the way that you don't find out who is talking to her until near the end was cleverly done- good luck in the contest! *star* :D
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Thu Feb 19, 2009 10:32 am
Meep(: says...



AHahaha, give me clue here,
Who is the POV belonging to?
A bird?
Peculiar story. But had an interestingly enigmatic quality that I can't explain.
To be honest, it was a rather anticlimatic ending for Anne XD
Sorry 'bout that.
It kept me reading till the end,
But it didn't have any special 'WOW'-ing effect on me.
A commendable effort though! :D
Keep writing and don't ever be discouraged!

~Meep
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Sat Feb 21, 2009 5:32 am
Snoink says...



Hey Evi!

So first of all, I’m going to post my actual grades. Like I said, everybody did exceptionally well, and yours is no exception. What I graded on was grammar, originality, creativity, conflict, historical accuracy, and characters. I was hoping for an entertaining read that would amuse me, and I definitely got that!

Your story was interesting in its own right. You actually seemed to have more of a man character than an actual imp, and he was trying to harass Anne into saving her life, which she totally didn’t want to do. Why? Who knows!

Anyway, your results were as follows:

Grammar: 5/5

Originality: 12/20

Creativity: 15/20

Internal Conflict: 8/15

External Conflict: 6/15

Historical Accuracy: 3/5

Characters: 12/20

TOTAL: 61/100

Now... to explain why I chose the numbers I did!


Grammar: 5/5

Free gimme points!


Originality: 12/20

So! The reason why I picked the writing prompt was because you could do so many things with it and I wanted to see what exactly you did with it. The quirkier and more offbeat it was, the better. :) You got points for making the story, which wasn’t really about a character being great, seem pivotal. The reason why I docked points was because the imp’s purpose wasn’t established. Seeing as he is the main character of the story, I wanted to see more of him, or at least understand what purpose he has for being there. :P


Creativity: 15/20

Basically, in creativity, I wanted to see what you would do to make this writing prompt your own--what sorts of details would you use, how you would make the setting, how would you portray the characters (especially the imp), etc. I must admit, I was pretty impressed. Once again, the reason why I docked you was because I didn’t see what you did with the imp character to make him your own.


Internal Conflict: 8/15

So the question that the reader thinks of when he reads this is why exactly is she refusing him? He promises to do all of this stuff, and yet... she refuses. Why? And in the meantime, the imp is standing by, his emotions changing as it gets later and later. So this is all internal conflict that’s really good. The reason why you’re docked is once again your imp character. His motives aren’t particularly clear and, even when he reveals that her mother was the one to send him, it still doesn’t quite add up and it makes it really confusing.


External Conflict: 6/15

She’s yelling at her imp, praying, and there are people busting down the door. Awesome? Yes. The main thing I docked you for was the significance for the letter was totally unknown, and so you have this awesome drama set up and the ending falls flat. Don’t let the ending fall flat!


Historical Accuracy: 3/5

...I have doubts that she would react the way she did with her mother. Times were different back then. :P


Characters: 12/20

Anne seemed all right, but the imp’s character was sketchy (as you probably guessed), and the whole letter thing was confusing. :P



So I guess this means I get to draw you a picture, eh? XD
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

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Sat Mar 07, 2009 2:22 am
Rosendorn says...



Hello Evi! You said I could pull this up, and I plan to.

The imp: The imp, the imp, the imp. You say he knew the devil, but you don't really touch on the fact that Anne was accused of witchcraft. Witches and the devil go hand in hand you know. ;) And some of his little mentions (Like, from my mistress to my charge) confused me.

History: Well, you've done your research, or you just got lucky. Did you know Protestants didn't pray for the dead? Reason I liked the prayer so much. But, with all that rampant mention of her being locked up, you really do neglect to mention why she was locked up: witchcraft and adultery. That would have made the imp's job much more... relishing.

As for how this tied-into history, I don't exactly remember reading that Anne was red-eyed when she was led to the gallows. ;)

Description: That room could have used a bit more description, as could Anne's outfit. Fashion was everything in those days. :D The room was actually the quarters she first spent the night in when she came to the Tower. I would have liked to see more.

From the critique above, you might be thinking I'm a Tudor England fan. You'd be right. ^_^

Questions? PM me.

~Rosey
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I was weeping as much for him as her; we do sometimes pity creatures that have none of the feeling either for themselves or others.
— Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights