Young Writers Society

I wrote this a few months ago, and would be interested to see how it is so far, for I am not good at continuing stories, is there a need to continue this one? or is it rubbish? The chapters are distiguished by the name of who is speaking

William
William was scared. He didn’t have a family anymore. All he had was John. He can’t leave John, for John needs him and he need’s john, although he just hadn’t realised this yet. As long as he was with his younger brother he actually didn’t care what happens to him anymore. He just wants to get out of here. It’s not safe. But there is no way out is there? There must be another way. But he had missed his key chance, for all the evacuees left yesterday. He hated himself for it. But he didn’t want to say the real reason of why he wanted to get out, only his father new that part.
He felt anger. Not just for him but for John as well. He was starving he hadn’t eaten since yesterday. But the trouble is everybody’s on rations now, and so no one’s going to waste food anymore. William’s going to find this tough but he is going to have to live with it. He will have to do his best to make sure that John eats properly. The key thing is to act normal with John for he will cry if he knows something is wrong.
John’s lucky he’s too young to understand, he’s only four so he has never been to school so he won’t even understand what anyone’s saying. He will never understand how William is feeling right now. Ever since their mother’s death William has been coping badly, but who would blame him. His life has been nonstop, it’s not as if his father could help him for he was in Germany fighting in the war, which meant that he was the man of the house. His mother had always told him to keep strong and do your best and you will succeed in life. But as soon as she died he was put under pressure for he had full responsibility of John. Bless his cotton socks he is only 12. He can barely look after himself let alone John.
His life which was once warm and happy has turned miserable and cold. He has no shelter to keep him warm anymore. The only clothing he has is what he’s wearing and a coat which is worn out. He would love to enter the house just one more time take some of his precious belongings, grab some food and a warm coat but daren’t. If he gets caught he is doomed. He will never see the likes of daylight again.
The only way that he can survive to see his adult hood is if he finds his father. William sent a telegram to his father today, hoping that he would receive it for if he doesn’t he has no hope of finding his father. But he is more than sure that it won’t get to his father. But there is no hope for his letter finding his father because his father’s in France, isn’t
Harry
“Harry, there’s a letter for you” shouted Bertie across the room. Harry was at a training camp in walsaw, it would be soon time for him to travel to Germany to fight. But first he had to go through 6weeks of training before he was allowed anywhere near a German.
“Oh good it’s a letter from William, I wonder how they are getting on over there, he must be in the north somewhere now.”
Harry ripped open the letter and began reading...
Dear Father,
[b]I would love to start the letter with the words we are all fine, but there is no way that I can write it. Last week Mother fell ill, very ill, and last night she died. Harry stopped reading the letter for a minute and read the first bit over and over again he could not believe it Margret dead with no notice at all he left the common room to be left on his own. He soon settled down nicely where he began reading again.
I am afraid that, that isn’t the only bad news. Yesterday, John and I were meant to board the train for we were to be evacuated, but as mother was in a critical condition I refused to go so I could stay by mother. I would love to say that John and I are coping well but that would be a complete lie. As soon as daylight comes we will begin our journey to France which is where you are, aren’t you? The war is in France isn’t it. When you get this, or if you get this please, please look out for us. We are not going to stop until we find you. Do not send a letter for I fear that the French will take it away. We were chucked outside our house last night you see. Well I think the soldiers were French they used French words like “Guten Tag” which is really funny because I always thought that, that was a German word.
Miss you load Father
John sends his regards
Your own Son William.Harry could not believe it, his children, France. What was William thinking? John’s only four. How are they going to get there? They would have to travel over sea unless they took the boat. Now this was impossible, he had no hope of finding them. It would take them days to reach the coast, so at least he had enough time to think of a plan, but first he had to get out of here.

William
Meanwhile the John and William had begun their Journey to France. But the only problem was, was that William hadn’t thought this over for if he had he would realise that he didn’t know where France was, or which way was the way out. But William wasn’t all that dumb for he did know that the best route and the safest route would be to walk by the railway. The railway had stopped working as from yesterday, when all the evacuees left. This was for personal safety.
William had a clever idea, to follow the railway path to London. For this was the way his father used to go to work every day. He wouldn’t have thought it would have been as tough as it was, for, he presumed that it was a quick, straightforward route to London.
But as he made his way to the railway track he realised it wouldn’t be as easy as he thought. The roads meandered round and round and the rail way were placed in a huge ditch which meant that the two of them had to walk on a slant, for they didn’t want to get caught, neither did they want to get electrocuted.

Harry
Harry was in England, training for the war. He wasn’t allowed to go to Germany without being fully equipped. His time in the camp was nearly over and if he was to find his children, he was to find them fast.
Unaware, that his children were on their way to London, he decided that the best route to take would be to Dover. That way, when they arrive, if they arrive, he can be there to meet them.
But he planned to go in the dead of night when no one was there to capture him and return him back to camp, where no one was there to question him. He was to remain silent, to let no one know where he was heading or why.
Many of his fellow soldiers, knew about his wife, but he had refused to let another soul read his letter.

OooooKaaaay.
I'd like to ask, what is going on here? Is this a world war (through the railroad tracks and stuff), or is it a... what? I didn't exactly understand what's wrong with the French, and:

Well I think the soldiers were French they used French words like “Guten Tag” which is really funny because I always thought that, that was a German word.

Where does this take place? If in Britain, the Germans never invaded Britain (though it was close). If in America, the German never got there either!
So, just, well, make it less fuzzy, and readers will understand what on earth's going on.

As for grammar...

William was scared. He didn’t have a family anymore. All he had was John. He can’t leave John, for John needs him and he need’s john, although he just hadn’t realised this yet. As long as he was with his younger brother he actually didn’t care what happens to him anymore. He just wants to get out of here. It’s not safe. But there is no way out is there? There must be another way. But he had missed his key chance, for all the evacuees left yesterday. He hated himself for it. But he didn’t want to say the real reason of why he wanted to get out, only his father new that part.

OK, the first three sentences are in past tense, right? So, why is the next sentence in present tense? Wouldn't it be:

He couldn't leave John, for John needed him, and he needed John, even though he hadn't realized that yet.

I would love to start the letter with the words we are all fine, but there is no way that I can write it. Last week Mother fell ill, very ill, and last night she died. Harry stopped reading the letter for a minute and read the first bit over and over again he could not believe it Margret dead with no notice at all he left the common room to be left on his own. He soon settled down nicely where he began reading again.

Look, I saw the bolding b up there at the start, so I know you tried to make the effort to show which parts are letter and which are not. But, well, here's how I'd write it:

I would love to start the letter with the words we are all fine, but there is no way that I can write it. Last week Mother fell ill, very ill, and last night she died.
->(insert break)Harry stopped reading the letter for a minute and read the first bit over and over again he could not believe it->(the marvelous stop). Margret dead with no notice at all->(Here the question mark)? He left the common room to be left on his own. He soon settled down nicely where he began reading again.

So, just look through it, you know, change the parts that need changing. I'd like to say, it is a great idea;
Two brothers, on their own, decide to go across Europe to find their father during the war.
So, with a little polishing, I think it could really shine.

I agree with Hero - it's a great idea for a story, very interesting and intriguing. In some parts it's not very clear - when, where, why?... but apart from that it's good Here are my nit-picks:

He can’t leave John, for John needs him and he need’s john

It should be 'needs' not 'need's'. Also, the J on john should be capital.

only his father new that part.

'new' should be 'knew'.

The only way that he can survive to see his adult hood is if he finds his father. William sent a telegram to his father today, hoping that he would receive it for if he doesn’t he has no hope of finding his father. But he is more than sure that it won’t get to his father. But there is no hope for his letter finding his father because his father’s in France, isn’t

As I've pointed out in bold, you've used 'his father' too much in this paragraph. It's okay to say it twice, but afterwards I think you're better off using 'he'. Also, I don't think you meant to finish the paragraph without finishing the sentence?

Harry was at a training camp in walsaw,

Walsaw is a place - make sure to capitalize the 'w'.

The roads meandered round and round and the rail way were placed in a huge ditch which meant that the two of them had to walk on a slant,

I was confused here. Do you mean to say the railways were placed - or the railway was placed?

This is overall a great piece, it just needs some work. Also, beware of your tenses! Do you want to be writing this in present, or past tense? At the moment you switch between the two - which can be confusing. BUT, this piece definitely has potential, and I hope you carry on with it!
Keep writing!

i liked it, but i honestly would suggest changing the perspective of your story. if you are going to have different chapters int eh view of other characters, they should be speaking in first person. If not, then it doesnt make any sence to do what your doing. its just more confusing. keep going though.