Young Writers Society

Arthur Rosster could hardly keep his eyes off of the young Elena Newbury. Her red hair and green eyes were certainly an exotic sight to behold in a kingdom where most ladies shared the same blond hair and blue eye looks. She wasn't a rather handsome woman though. Compared to her elder sister (whom Rosster had had the pleasure of first meeting weeks previous) it was obvious who the most ill-favored out of the two was. However, the way she presented herself to Rosster left a far deeper impression on him then Ruth Newbury had. It was in this way that made Rosster find himself to be attracted to the younger sister of Ruth Newbury.

"Mr. Rosster." Elena greeted him with a curtsy.

Oh goodness. The voice that belonged to Ms. Newbury was so smooth and alluring, which was so much unlike her sister's, who always seemed so harsh and tense in her speaking.

"Ms. Newbury." Rosster bowed to the enticing female. Not forgetting where he stood with this daughter of a great Duke. He was nothing to such a woman who was as high up as she was and any thoughts of romantic interest towards someone like Elena Newbury were foolish and mindless.

Hallo there, I'm Aushy, and I shall review this. :}

This was really good. I did enjoy it. It was short and to the point. I'm hoping you'll make a book out of this?

I only found one problem.

Not forgetting where he stood with this daughter of a great Duke.

This is not a complete sentence, unfortunately, and I am part of the grammar police. D: I think you could combine this to the sentence previous with nothing more than a comma.

Good job. Uhm. I really hope it will become longer, and put it in a book and what-not, because I'm interested. :[}

When more comes out or if you ever want a review, either write on my wall, PM me, or come to my tropical shack by clicking 'Reviews' at the bottom of my signature (and, because of this review, a link to this piece and a link to your page shall be up on my review wall).

Keep writing!

Love & Blessings,
Aushy

*clicks follow, like, and submit*

Love it! You kept my attention all the way through. You are going to write more, I hope? Pretty please?

It was in this way that made Rosster find himself to be attracted to the younger sister of Ruth Newbury.

this sounds a little awkward, maybe if you said "It was in this way Rosster found himself to be attracted to the younger Ms. Newbury" or something along those lines.

Keep writing!

~Mel

Hey there, Smiley! I'm here to review.

First off, this is well-written for the most part. You have a good understanding of the fundamentals of writing, and it definitely shows through. It was easy for me to read (in the sense that I didn't have to translate what you were saying from some weird kind of chatspeak into English), and that can never be a bad thing.

I do have a few suggestions for you, however.

Number one: Expand on this! Write more! Details! History! Plot! Setting! You need to make more of these things in order to give your readers what they truly need to feel for your characters and their story. Just write more.

Also, try and specify (through the story) what era in time this takes place in. Now, I assume it's set somewhere in the Victorian era--just a personal assumption--but others might not be able to. : )

Anyways, I hope you expand this! Just know that you do have a good start, and it's not your skills in writing that are holding you back.

-Knightley

Hey, there, this is Seraph.
First off, I must agree with the previous posts; write more!! It is quite intriguing.

Her red hair and green eyes were certainly an exotic sight to behold in a kingdom where most ladies shared the same blond hair and blue eye looks.

My first impression of this was that it was unrealistic. As I thought, however, it strongly reminded me of Denmark, which has the most blondes in the world. It would be interesting to play it up. The only thing is, I'm pretty sure they have a significant amount of redheads as well. What I suggest is that you look more into this. Otherwise, it'd probably be best to make it a family trait.

She wasn't a rather handsome woman though.

This sentence doesn't flow very well. Perhaps something like "she was not a woman you would describe as handsome...." etc., etc.

Compared to her elder sister (whom Rosster had had the pleasure of first meeting weeks previous) it was obvious who the most ill-favored out of the two was. However, the way she presented herself to Rosster left a far deeper impression on him then Ruth Newbury had.

This should be reworded. It's hard to tell who is being described. A small description of how people treat Elena might clear that up.

The voice that belonged to Ms. Newbury was so smooth and alluring, which was so much unlike her sister's, who always seemed so harsh and tense in her speaking.

It seems a bit odd that her sister would sound "harsh and tense," unless she doesn't do well in social settings, or some such thing. It'd be best to expound a little on that.

Well, that's all I got. Suggestions. Write more!!!!! We need to know why Mr. Rosster is meeting these women, where they live, etc. Feel free to PM me if you need anything.

*Seraph*