Young Writers Society

Hey there! I just wrote this short story for you to know how courtship is in the Philippines before modernization. Enjoy! (I hope XD)

Year 1800

"Nadia," Imelda, my older sister, called from the terrace one starry evening. "Baldo is here to serenade you."
"Baldo?" I repeated, unsure of how to act. I just turned eighteen years old, so Nanay and Tatay, my parents, are expecting me to entertain my so-called suitors. So far, Baldo is my first suitor. I don't like him, but I couldn't say so. Since the society is teasing me and Baldo, they are expecting me to marry him.

"Come, Nadia," Imelda whispered and clutched my wrist. I walked towards the large window, opened it, looked below, and saw Baldo smiling at me. I smiled - but a fake one. He signaled his companions to start, then he began singing while his friends accompanied him with the guitar and the banduria. I giggled behind my large folding fan, not because I liked him, but because he sounded funny. I looked behind my shoulder and spotted Nanay glaring at me. I looked down.

That was the moment I saw Antonio. He was one of Baldo's friends, and he was playing the guitar. He was tall, dark and handsome. And when he sang along to the chorus of the song, I could hear his wonderful voice. Could he be the man for me? My true love? Antonio looked up and saw me staring at him. I blushed as he threw a smile as big as a mango slice. I hid my face behind my fan while combing strands of my dark, black hair behind my ear.

The song was over.

"Come inside, Baldo," I heard my nanay call from the other window.

"Nanay," I complained to her, careful that no one would hear me. "I don't want you to invite him in."
"None sense, child," she said sweetly before she went to door to escort Baldo inside.

Nervously, I arranged my hair in a bun, raised my long skirt so I won't trip on it, and went to the sala, the living room.
Baldo was already sitting on our wooden bench when I came. He was smiling shyly, blushing so hard. I grimaced, but nobody saw it because I was practically hiding my face with my folding fan.

The night ended quickly, after I told them I had a headache. Nanay wanted Baldo to stay and told him my headache was nothing, but Baldo said that my health was more important. And then, he left.

The next day, I went to the stream alone with a whole basket of laundry. I wasn't even finished washing the first batch of clothes when I heard someone play the guitar behind me.
"Good morning, sunshine," he said. It was Antonio.
I was so shocked; I forgot to cover my open mouth with my folding fan.
"I was supposed to serenade you last night," Antonio started,” but Baldo beat me to it."

I bowed my head and continued washing the clothes.

"Do you mind if I serenade you in the broad daylight with no companions to sing along with?" he continued.
Not knowing what to say, I nodded my head with my heart beating wildly inside me.

He started singing - softly at first. I thought I was going to sleep, but the fact that he's merely inches away from me kept me alive inside.
He strummed his guitar one last time, then stopped.

"Mahal kita, Nadia," he whispered. "I love you."
I let him stroke my hair. That was the most I could offer him. It seemed like I was in a trance.
Suddenly, not even bothering to answer him, I stood up, got the basket of washed clothes, and told him that I had to go.

"Nadia," Nanay exclaimed. "What took you so long?"
"I - uh - the soap fell in the water," I lied, "and I had to wade into the water to get it."
Fortunately, Nanay didn't pursue after that, and just told me that I had to cook lunch and bring Tatay's lunch to the rice farm where he works.

Days passed, and Baldo's visits became as frequent as my secret meetings with Antonio. I never told anyone about my love for Antonio, and I think no one had noticed it. Antonio and I met at the stream where I washed clothes. If Baldo brought delicious food for me, Antonio picked wild flowers for me, which I find much more romantic. Then, Antonio and I would always lie on the grass, eating the coconut meat he'd sometimes bring. Those were the things I'd live for - my meetings with Antonio.

But one day, almost everything changed.
I came home to a full house with a full dining table. There were sumans, bikos, kutchinta, rice cakes, coconut juice, and more mouth watering food that I couldn’t help drooling. My whole family was there: Nanay, Tatay, Imelda, Dodong, my younger brother, and even my grandparents and uncles and aunts were there. Baldo and his parents were there too.

"Nadia, come," Tatay said, motioning me to come nearer. "Baldo is here for his pamanhikan."
"What?" I exclaimed, quite forgetting the other people around. "For his marriage proposal? Why, we aren't even lovers, yet!"

"Excuse my daughter," Nanay said, feeling ashamed. "Do go on. She just can’t hold her extreme happiness.”
Baldo came forward and knelt in front of me.
“N-Nadia,” he said, “will you m-marry me?”
I looked at Imelda for help, but she didn’t seem to notice and just smiled. I looked at Nanay and Tatay, but they just glared at me.
I let five, long seconds pass by before I said “Y-yes.”
After the semi-party, I went to my room and cried my heart out. How could I tell Antonio about this? I don’t love Baldo, but I’d be marrying him. How could my parents be so insensitive? They didn’t marry because they were forced to. They married because they loved each other. Didn’t they want me to experience that too? I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing down my cheeks. I didn’t want to cry, but if I didn’t, I’m afraid my chest would burst from the pain.
The next thing I knew, I was awoken by someone who was throwing pebbles from outside the house.
“Antonio? “ I called out, opening my window. “Is that you?”

“I heard you accepted his proposal,” Antonio whispered sadly as soon as he got in my room through the window. “Juan told me.”
“I’m sorry, Antonio. I – I just didn’t know what to do.”
“You could’ve said no.”
“But you know that I couldn’t say that.”
He nodded – a nod full of sorrow. He knew exactly what I meant. Society played a large part in Filipino lives. Who you marry should be subject to the parents’ approval. And sometimes, you won’t have the chance to choose your spouse, because they would choose one for you, even though you oppose to it.
“Let’s run away – together,” he said with a glint of hope in his gorgeous eyes.
“Antonio, I – “
“Don’t worry,” he continued, trying not to notice the doubt in my voice. “I’ll pamper you. I won’t let our family get poor. I’ll work hard for you. Let’s raise a dozen children if you want to.”
I didn’t answer. I felt tears prick my eyes. Seeing Antonio’s hopeful eyes were such a pain to me. I couldn’t promise anything to him. I couldn’t betray my family. It was a taboo.
I gave Antonio a slight smile, as if he was a silly child. This time, Antonio’s tears rolled down his red cheeks. He already knew my answer. I felt sorry for him, and I blamed myself for I couldn’t fight for our love. I felt so useless.
He kissed me, gently. This was our first, and probably our last.

The next morning, everybody in our neighborhood congratulated me. I smiled and thanked them, but inside, I was hurting. I was hurting for Antonio. I was hurting for myself. I was hurting for our love.

I approached Nanay after everybody had left.
“Nanay,” I started, “why did you choose Baldo for me?”
That was a dangerous question, for me. Nanay gave me a fierce look, but she answered anyway.
“He is all you can ask for, Nadia,” she replied. “His family owns several rice farms. He’s educated. His family has good relations with the Spaniards. He is a sweet man, and he will cherish you as long as you live.”
By that, Nanay turned her back on me. That simply meant that the topic is never to be mentioned again.
For days, women from our village came to help in the wedding preparations. And almost every day, I went to the stream in case Antonio was still waiting for me. I had planned to run away with him if he’d still ask me, but every time I went, Antonio was nowhere to be found. I was almost losing hope.
Days passed and finally, the day of our wedding arrived. I cried under my veil as I walked down the aisle. And at the moment I said ‘I do’, I couldn’t help bursting into tears. People thought those were tears of joy, and I was grateful for that.
At the reception that night, I told Baldo I’d be going for a walk around the house. There, I cried.
Just then, a bush nearby rustled.
“Antonio!” I exclaimed, careful to not let anyone hear me. “Antonio!”
Antonio smiled, waved and then turned away.
I couldn’t believe it. Maybe it was an illusion, but I was sure it was him. I kept on crying until I no longer saw his back.
I went back to the party, hoping that no one would notice my eyes, bloodshot from crying. I wanted to cry some more, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t feel anything anymore. Everything around me, the ladies, the men, and Baldo, were blurred. I just felt numb. Hoping that someday, what I decided to do was the best decision, although I thought otherwise at the moment.

I really liked this story...I'm normally not one for romantic stories, but this I really liked! It was well written, and engaging. I felt like I was trapped in the world of Antonio and Nadia. I wish this wasn't such a long story already, because the place you talk about, the setting, it sounds so like it could be a beautiful and busy, exciting place, but you barely had the space to describe it all. I loved this...this Filipino Romeo and Juliet story! It was informative, and interesting, and had a twist. Most readers would probably assume she'd either marry Antonio, or run away with him.

This was a beautiful, realistic story. Your characters were very human and your main character's voice was very powerful. I only noticed a couple things. I saw that sometimes you slipped from past to present tense. I don't know if you intended to do that, but it was a little awkward.
The story did seem to glide along too easily at some parts, such as when she fell in love with Antonio--is it really that instantaneous?--but of course, you did want to keep this short.
Besides that stuff, excellent writing. I saw very few mistakes. It was also an interesting glimpse into Filipino society. Well done.

Hey! SporkPunk here for a review

I rather liked this. It was very cute, and very informative about Filipino customs. Enjoyable.

Only things I noticed were: one, you slipped from past to present quite a lot. Awkward. Two, your writing was kind of informal in relation to the setting. Would a young woman in 1670 Philippines really say "guy?"

Other than that, this was an entertaining read. I want to find out what happens to Nadia!

Keep Writing!

~Sporks

Hi there! I'm English, so if I make any silly mistakes that would be obvious to someone from the Philippines, please bear that in mind.


You seem to have a lot of double-talk, often repeating things in slightly different ways. A couple of examples are:

"Baldo is here to serenade you."

"Baldo?" I repeated, unsure of how to act."

You don't need to tell us that there's repetition seeing as we've just read it.

I hid my face behind my fan while combing strands of my dark, black hair behind my ear.

I think it's quite hard to get black hair that's not dark, y'know? It's that sort of thing to watch out for.


What I would really like to see in this is some more description of the area. For you this is going to be really really easy to imagine, because this is to do with your country. But me? I have no idea what the appropriate setting would be and I really don't know too much about the Philippines, so it's a little harder for me to actually envision what everything looks like. I mean, I don't even know what everyone should be wearing--I have no idea what would be the appropriate clothing for that country, time, and class--and it's the sort of thing that would be helpful to describe in this case.

You do, however, go into great detail to tell us exactly what is happening, the window is being opened, the narrator is looking down, people are turning this way and that, and a lot of it really isn't needed. I know that in your mind you can see exactly what is happening, but you don't need to tell the reader every little action--we tend to be able to patch in a lot of it ourselves. So, I would see less description of what the characters are all exactly doing, but more description about the smells and sights of the setting.

I think it's natural to be proud of your native language, and quite rightly so! The only thing is that I think some of it is redundant, if a word has a direct and easy translation in English, then I think it would be best to use that, otherwise it's sort of like you're just using Filipino for the sake of it. On the other hand, if you have a word that has no equivalent, like a concept or an item or something that we just don't have here, then it's more fitting to use the Filipino word, because there is no English one. Otherwise, it can slow the story a little and cause a tad bit of confusion. (Such as, that story about the Inuit have many words for snow? In reality they have many words for different kinds of snow, because they encounter so many different types. Most languages don't have translations for these words because we simply don't need them!)

Overall, it was a pretty interesting insight into the actual customs in terms of what people do and say, but I think it would have been more interesting if there was a bit more depth to it. Are there any weird little interesting traditions which would have been around at that time? You mention that the women help with wedding preparations, but what kind of prep? What are they actually doing? What do people tend to wear at weddings? What actually happens at them? These are the sorts of questions I had which just hadn't answered.

I can understand that you might want to put a bit more focus on the relationships, but then this is in historical fiction, not romantic fiction, and so by those standards it's like you have the skeleton of the story, it just needs fleshing out with a bit more information.

Hope I was of some help to you!


-tinny

Loved the story. I only saw one thing I would change: you used the word "guy" once, which isn't in 17Th century vocabulary. Inter sting story and very good characters.

Antonio started,”

Make sure you fix that quotation mark. Good story.

It's very obvious from the first time I saw the title that we're of the same race.

I remember my mother always used to boast to me how many suitors she had when she was still in college. And wow, I just can't help myself but think that these kinds of stories are the ones we used to read in our books when I was still in my 3rd year high school.

It's very reminiscing of the time when our country wasn't still too engulfed with pollution and technology and of the time when the guys had that kind of courage fueled only by pure love. I love it. (Naturally...!)

Proud to be Filipino...! XD

Shion wrote:It's very obvious from the first time I saw the title that we're of the same race.

I remember my mother always used to boast to me how many suitors she had when she was still in college. And wow, I just can't help myself but think that these kinds of stories are the ones we used to read in our books when I was still in my 3rd year high school.

It's very reminiscing of the time when our country wasn't still too engulfed with pollution and technology and of the time when the guys had that kind of courage fueled only by pure love. I love it. (Naturally...!)

Proud to be Filipino...! XD

And it is very obvious that we three are indeed of the same race.

I absolutely love the story, no matter how cliche-ish the plot is. Moreover, the lovely setting and the interesting people you put in it gave it a more positive look in my book. This story made me think wistfully of those bygone times, when women still adhere to the prescribed social code and men were generally more chivalrous and gentlemanly to the ladies. Although in your story''s open-ended resolution, it is hinted that Nadia may have been one of those pioneering brave women who decided to, uh, go against the flow.

By carefully noting your grammatical errors, I've come to the conclusion that, like me, you sometimes tend to think in Filipino while writing in English. That is why the syntax of the Filipino language is carried over into our written outputs. Thus, to an English native speaker, our sentences would seem awkward and oftentimes, just plainly wrong. So I won't nitpick on your grammar but I do agree that you have to lessen and/or eliminate the unnecessary shifting of tenses. It (shifting of tenses) tends to disrupt the smooth flow of the story.

Keep Writing!


Oh, and this is how Filipinas used to dress during the Spanish Occupation, the setting of this story:

Shion wrote:It's very obvious from the first time I saw the title that we're of the same race.

I remember my mother always used to boast to me how many suitors she had when she was still in college. And wow, I just can't help myself but think that these kinds of stories are the ones we used to read in our books when I was still in my 3rd year high school.

It's very reminiscing of the time when our country wasn't still too engulfed with pollution and technology and of the time when the guys had that kind of courage fueled only by pure love. I love it. (Naturally...!)

Proud to be Filipino...! XD

WOW. I never thought there are a lot of Filipinos here.
Honestly, I had never looked back and adored our country until I was fifteen. But when I saw how other Filipinos neglected the rich culture we have, I felt guilty and decided to write more stories in a Filipino setting with its local color. My dad urged me to.

Well, I'm a proud Pinay now! And I love writing stories about US. HAHA.

-KAT <3