Young Writers Society

The snow lays like a blanket, making the trees glimmer as a small ray of sunlight peaks through the clouds. What a beautiful sight, the snow and the joy it brings. The laughter of children fills the frigid air, making it all seem like a beautiful dream.

Songs of joy fill the air as carolers go from door to door, wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and singing praise to Christ. Footprints mark the snow, some small, some large. Some, mainly the smaller ones, in the motion of skipping gleefully. Snowmen sit, smiling as they watch the children play in the cloud of snow.

Snow sparkles on the trees outside of the window and a Christmas tree sits, presents beneath it and ornaments shimmering as the moonlight slants through the window. Stars speckled the sky with a heavenly light. The stars are so calm, so peaceful, so far away, but at the same time, so close.

Gunshot rings through the air, making everyone stand still. Another gunshot answers the first’s call, scarlet spilling onto the heavenly blanket. Cries and screams multiply as more deafening sounds of death leave stains of red.

Tears fall, quickly and rapidly down the man’s face as he faces death. His fingers shake as he holds the gun in his hand, wishing only for his wife, for his children. “Please God, oh God…” he whispers as he hears the death scream of a man.

Gunshot rings through the air, making everyone stand still. Another gunshot answers the first’s call, scarlet spilling onto the heavenly blanket. Cries and screams multiply as more deafening sounds of death leave stains of red.

A woman rocks a baby, singing the small child a lullaby of Christmas time. As the baby closes his eyes she feels her heart calm, the child finally had silenced his cries. She places him in the crib and kneels by her own bed, praying. “Please God, watch over us, and my husband. Please God, let him be safe.”

Hey,

In terms of how this was written and the content it was really really god, so I plaude you there.

However, I feel like this is in the wrong order. At the moment it goes paragraph 1,2,3,4,5,6. Where as It feels like it should go 1,5,4,2,3,6. Now if this was intentional but it doesn't feel like it has been done on purpose. I would try re-arranging the stanza's and then see what you thing.

That is my only nit pick however, so well done.

Keep it up.

~Retro Disco666

A blanket of snow lay on the ground making the trees glimmer, as a small ray of sunlight peaked through the clouds. What a beautiful sight! the snow and the joy it brings. The laughter of children filling the frigid air, making it all seem like a beautiful dream.

Songs of joy filled the air as carolers go from door to door, wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and singing praise to Christ. Footprints marked the snow, some small, some large. Some, mainly the smaller ones, in the motion of skipping gleefully. Snowmen sit, smiling as they watch the children play in the cloud of snow.

Snow sparkling on the trees outside of the window and a Christmas tree sits, presents beneath it and ornaments shimmering as the moonlight slants through the window. Stars speckling the sky with heavenly light. The stars are so calm, so peaceful, so far away, but at the same time, so close.

Gunshots ring through the air, making everyone stand still. Another gunshot answers the first’s call, scarlet blood spilling onto the heavenly blanket. Cries and screams multiply as more deafening sounds of death continue.

Tears fall, quickly and rapidly down the man’s face as he faces death. His fingers shake as he holds the gun in his hand, wishing only for his wife, for his children.
“Please God, oh God…” he whispers as he hears the deathly scream of a man.


A woman rocks a baby, singing the small child a lullaby of Christmas time. As the baby closes his eyes she feels her heart calm, the child finally had silenced his cries. She places him in the crib and kneels by her own bed, praying.
“Please God, watch over us, and my husband. Please God, let him be safe.”



I really liked the story, and how it changes, and its was unpredictable. I was expecting a happy ending not a sad dying ending.
I wouldn't have know it was in the past, other then the category it was put in. And I couldn't if it was in the past of present, the way things were put in tense.