Young Writers Society

Drip. Rain smacked against the lanky branches of the trees. Mud encased his boots as he walked through the woods, his heart pounding in time with the rain. He held the gun ready in his trembling hands, watching for any sign of movement, any threat.

Drip. Tears fell from his eyes as he read over the letter, his girl's perfume reminding him of home. Sobs escaped his chest as he held her picture close, wishing to once again hold her in his arms, to tell her he loved her.

Drip. Blood trickles down his head as he flees into the woods, ignoring the commands from his officers. Pebbles fly out from beneath him as he skids to a stop, realizing that he holds no gun in his hands. Sprinting back to where he came from he finds them all, unmoving, dead.

Drip. A strong drink makes his mind fuzz, making everything around him seem like a dream. Mumbles come from his mouth as he asks for another, and another, downing them as if nothing else matters. He doesn't want to know. He no longer wants to fight. He doesn't want to remember.

Hi Forest!

How are you? It's been a while since we've talked, so I figured that I would drop by and give this piece a review. It was definitely very interesting, and you were able to convey a lot in four short paragraphs. I know that you've written a lot of stories about various wars, and I haven't gotten the opportunity to read many of them. This piece definitely shows that you've done a lot of research, have had practice with the subject and know it well.

In the four short paragraphs you have here, you portray four different themes of what a soldier's life might be like; on a mission, in the battlefield, missing loved ones back home, and what happens afterward, as a veteran who is older and wiser but still not free of the scars that the war brought him.

Still, as much as you convey, it feels like there could be more. I'm not really sure whether your aim with this piece was to focus in on one soldier's life during war or portray what life might be like for the average young and inexperienced soldier just out of college.

Try to add more details. What about the friends they make? What it is like to seem them die? Did soldiers all around them get sick and die from disease? How many times did the soldier fear for their life? How did the soldier join the war? Were they drafted or did they volunteer? Describe that a little bit; if it's the latter, what was their initial view of war? Did they think it would be a glamorous adventure? If so, when did they realize that they were wrong? It would also be nice to see some more expansion on the last part, where he is a veteran. Does he have horrid recurring dreams about the war? Does he a see few young college boys that are getting ready to volunteer for the army and see a bit of them in himself, want to tell them to change their minds?

Also, even though this is in Historical Fiction, I'm not really getting any sense of a certain time frame here. While most of the problems of a soldier are universal to any period, there are specific things about each war that are scary. In the Civil War, many died from starvation and disease. In World War I there was the introduction of tanks, machine guns and poison gas and the times you would spend all day in the trenches.

Overall, this is really good! I can't wait to see more expansion on it. You just keep getting better and better at writing! *hugs* PM me if you have any questions!

-Elinor x

For 4 short paragraphs that was interesting, a lot way conveyed in that small thing. How the soldier felt while on a mission, on the battlefield, after the war and family relations. Just as the other person said I think there could be more added though. What about friends and colleges? How did they join? What do they think of the war? Was the guy involved in any kind of war crime? If so how did he feel about it? The question that stands out in my head is which war are they in? I just can't see the time frame that this is set in. Things vary greatly from the American Revolutionary War to WW2 to the War on Terrorism. I know that the last person already asked most of this but I kind of feel the need to do so when it comes to war stuff.

Overall I love this, it’s just something I can over and over again. I will definitely read the expanded version if you make one, I enjoyed this.