Young Writers Society

Buckley entered the room the way any Captain should; with pride. His shoulders were back and his salute was perfect. Rivers stood up and shook his hand with admiration and care.
"Please, sit Captain Buckley."
"Thank you,sir."
Buckley sat perched on the edge of his seat. Rivers clicked his pen and made a note;scared.
"How do you feel Captain?"
"Fit enough to batter some Boche, sir."
Rivers couldn't help but smile, Patriotism was something that never ceased to amaze him. These men had been damaged so badly by their country, and they can't wait to go back to fight some more.
"How do you really feel Captain?"
"What do you mean, sir?"
"Well Nurse Penrose reported that you've been singing in your sleep."
"Sir?"
"Yes, you were singing, Hush Here Comes A Whizz Bang."
Buckley rapped his knuckles against his knees saying nothing. Rivers waited patiently until he was ready to speak.
"It was the men's song,sir."
"The men's song?"
"Sir, my men were strong men, but they weren't too clever. It was the only song they could remember,sir. The used to sing all the time."
A sweet spring breeze blew through the open window causing Buckely's face too scrunch up and duck. Rivers noted this.
"Did you get hit by gas a lot Captain?" Buckley slowly opened his eyes and gave a quick glance around the office. There was no mud, no water, no corpses, just afternoon tea. Buckley's cheecks became flush with embarassment.
"S-sorry about that, sir."
"Don't apologise Captain. It happens to everyone."
"You know what's ironic, sir?"
"What Captain."
"They thought that song would save them. Thought they'd be safe. They didn't move in time, sir. Now you soldierman get down those stairs, down in the dugouts and say your prayers. I hope they said the, sir. I hope to god they did." Buckley hung his head and stared into his lap. A gallant officer had strolled into the room and now looked more like a vunerable child."
"Where were you when it hit Captain?"
"The officers dugout is further back,sir. Didn't come close to me." He was trying to withhold all emotions. He had tried to cover his voice cracking as he spoke.

Rivers had filled his sheet of paper within five minutes.
"Captain, you'll be back at the front soon enough."
Buckley looked up quickly. His eyes gleaming.
"You've a mild case Captain. At the end of the next three weeks, I will be happy to dismiss you. Just come to terms with everything by then. Okay Captain?"
"Yes sir. Thank you, sir." He stood up and saluted. He marched out of the room and into his recovery, whilst Rivers preapare for his next patient.

I remember studying WW1 it was an amazing subject, the British were so stubborn thousands of people were killed. Ever heard of the Battle of the Somme? 60,000 British soliders died in the first day! can you imagine that? 60,000 lifes perished in a single day, that like 2500 men died every hour!
Sorry about that, i like history XD well i like how you managed to show us how Buckley was feeling and how he tried to conceal it. Overall i think you really did well to show us how men acted in the first world war

A few very quick grammar bits and then I’ll start on content:

"Yes, you were singing, Hush Here Comes A Whizz Bang."

You should put quotes around “Hush Here Comes A Whizz Bang”. It’s a song title, so you should put the quotes around it.

"They thought that song would save them. Thought they'd be safe. They didn't move in time, sir. Now you soldierman get down those stairs, down in the dugouts and say your prayers. I hope they said the, sir. I hope to god they did." Buckley hung his head and stared into his lap. A gallant officer had strolled into the room and now looked more like a vunerable child."

This whole paragraph is a little funky. I’m not sure if you’re trying to have him slur everything together, but I don’t think you are. You should have the Captain say something like: I used to tell them “Now you soldierman get down those stairs, down in the dugouts and say your prayers.” That last bit definitely needs to be in quotes though. Change “the” to “them” in “I hope they said the, sir.” Also, as an “L” to vunerable so it’s vulnerable, and get rid of the floating quotation mark at the end.

Also, in the last line, “preapare” isn’t a word. I think it’s supposed to be “prepared”, but you do a lot of odd things with tenses. You seem to shift between present tense and past tense, and first person and third person. It’s a little disconcerting.

Now, the content is really interesting. I’m kind of a history nerd, so I like that kind of stuff. I can’t say this is a short story, more of a vignette. There’s nothing wrong with that though. I really feel like this should be a part of a bigger project where Rivers deals with other patients and other soldiers. I like Captain Buckley. Clearly he’s not completely alright, but he wants to be, and he wants to go fight more. I also like Dr. Rivers. He seems to want to do well by his patients, but can’t understand why they want so badly to go out and be cannon fodder again. Still he’s sympathetic. He performs the psychiatric version of triage medicine, doesn’t he?

Anyway, it’s pretty good. Fix those few issues and consider writing a book of short vignettes like this all revolving around Dr. Rivers... of course you could do one with Captain Buckley too, about him being in the war and getting better, but you seem to like the psychiatric hospital aspect better.

Great work! Just a couple of grammar mistakes here and there as others have suggested.

But keep up the good work