Young Writers Society

Okay. First, a little explaining. The rules dictated that the words 'Compelled by Love' be used in the entry, although phrases like 'Compelled by God's Love' are permitted. That should explain the title.
The Crusades were a huge mistake from beginning to end, and I firmly believe that, as indicated in the story, it wasn't God's idea. I am extremely doubtful of the miracles reported, though I am behind the miracles reported in the Bible 100%. The Crusades aren't in the Bible, though. The Crusaders won mostly through luck and sheer numbers, and they quickly lost control of Jerusalem as a result. If you want to discuss the politics or the theology of the Crusades, PM me and I'll meet you in the serious discussions forum.
I had to double-space it for the Fine Arts Festival, so if the paragraphs seem to be chopped up, let me know.
Ahem. On with the story.

“Charge! Drive them back for God’s glory!” Mathew bellowed as the bridge of the siege tower was lowered.
Sir Mathew was a Crusader, one of many galvanized into action by Peter the Hermit’s preaching. They had been besieging Antioch for seven months and were finally beginning to gain the upper hand.
Mathew leaped from the bridge before it had finished being lowered, and the impact of his shield rammed a Seljuk soldier off the battlements to his death. With his comrades pouring over the battlements behind him, Mathew began to hack his way to a bank of archers who were raining death on the Crusaders. Miraculously, he survived the onslaught of arrows and curved swords as he and three other knights chased them through the streets, where the archers came face-to-face with the main body of the crusader forces! The battle was nearly over then, and Mathew did not see much more combat, but his efforts saved many lives.

The siege had drained the Crusaders’ supplies, but they could not leave the now-empty city, as many of them had been injured.
“Sir Mathew, come hither and look at this.” one of his comrades called down to him from the wall.
What is it?” he asked as he ascended the ladder to the battlements, by which point it became dreadfully apparent what the object was. His eyes narrowed as he growled, “They can’t be reinforcements.” He then shouted, “More Muslims are attacking! Prepare for battle!”
Now the Crusaders were besieged. A Persian army was advancing, and they were in no shape to fight them. The situation was desperate, and all prayed for a miracle.
That miracle came in the form of a vision Peter the Hermit had. He led them to a mosque (formerly a church), where, according to his vision, the spear which had pierced Christ’s side was buried. Mathew was one of the knights who volunteered to dig through the mosaic floor. Soon, however, all tired of the search except Mathew, and Peter asked to be let down into the now quite deep hole to dig. When he returned shortly thereafter, he addressed the crusaders:
“Behold, the sacred lance, the very one which pierced our Savior’s side! Let us mount it on a pole and carry it before us into battle. The Lord shall deliver victory into our hands!”
The lance was carried as their standard as they charged out the main gate to challenge the Persian army. It was not by the Crusaders’ strength that they prevailed that day. The Persians panicked and fled, and Antioch was liberated once and for all.

After a day of rest, the Army of the Red Cross departed for the final stage of their Pilgrimage: the assault on the City of Peace, Jerusalem. As he traveled, Mathew had infinite time to think. ”I wonder what my comrades are compelled by.” He thought, “Sir Francis said he came to escape his debt. Sir Fletcher came because he was bored managing the estate he inherited. It feels like I’m the only knight who really cares about God in this army.” The truth was, many crusaders had come because they thought God really did want them to, though few were as devoted to seeing the Lord’s will done as Mathew.

One of the villages they visited en route was not even on the map, but the few people who lived there were friendly. The only stone building in the whole town was the Synagogue. A Jewish man approached Mathew and asked, “May I come with you on your journey? I have no particular talent to offer, but I am willing to help in any way needed.”
Mathew liked the manner of the Jew, and so he said to him, “My name is Mathew, and my title is Crusader. If you are willing to fight to liberate Jerusalem, then you may call me ‘Friend’.”
“I am known as Levi,” He replied, “and what I lack in skill and weapons I shall make up in willpower.”
“Well, I do have a number of spare lances if you want one.” Mathew said with a smile, “We have some training to do if you want to take part in a real battle.”
Mathew felt like he had finally found someone who shared his passion for God. Although separated by nationality and religion, they had much in common. Levi trained with Mathew for the soon-coming battle with the Arab forces every day, and soon the Jew began to impress the French knight with his skill.

Soon, the day came, and the Crusaders arrived at Jerusalem. Many of the Crusaders wept tears of joy at the sight. When the siege began, the battle was fierce, as both sides held the city sacred. The Army of the Red Cross took appalling casualties, and was forced to withdraw. Some suspiciously began to ask of Peter the Hermit, “Why has the Lord not delivered victory into our hands?”
He answered them, “The Lord has not given us victory because there is so much wickedness in this camp. To earn the Lord’s forgiveness, we must fast for three days and repent of all sin. Then we will march, bareheaded and barefoot, around Jerusalem singing hymns.”
They did as Peter commanded, renewed the assault, and at length they made progress against the Islamic forces. Levi and Mathew worked together for God’s victory. Soon, the Crusaders broke though, and victory was inevitable. All their lives, the other Crusaders had been taught that the Muslims were the enemy. When loosed in Jerusalem, they massacred the inhabitants, compelled by greed and self-righteousness. Levi and Mathew were disgusted at the wanton slaughter of innocents, and at themselves for having been a part of the army that was now committing genocide.

They returned dejectedly to their camp as the massacre raged, speaking of their beliefs. “Somehow, I never thought of the civilians inside Jerusalem.” Mathew said with a sigh, “They didn’t deserve to die. I feel now as though I never should have come.”
Levi voiced a similar view: “The Torah says several times that the Lord commanded the people of Israel to destroy every living thing in a kingdom, but I’d never imagined it was this terrible.”
“I feel as though all I’ve ever been taught all my life about God was a lie.” Mathew said as tears formed in his eyes, “I feel like all along I’ve been just as bad as them.”
Levi took a deep breath before saying; “I remember a verse from The Torah which says ‘obedience is better than sacrifice’ and another, ‘love the Lord thy God with all thy heart and all thy soul and all thy strength’. I believe the answer has been there the entire time.”
They finally began to realize that God’s will for them was to surrender their lives to Him. The Lord loved the Muslims as well, and had not wanted the Crusades to begin. Selfishness was what had wrongly caused the conflict.
Suddenly, a Muslim fleeing the massacre rushed at them with his knife drawn, screamed, ”You’ll pay for your crimes!” and stabbed Levi through the heart, killing him instantly.
Mathew pounced on the man who murdered his only friend. He pinned the man to the ground with his shield as he raised his sword above his head. Thoughts of vengeance filled his mind, but he remembered what Levi said. He was compelled by his love of God as he said in a voice heavy with emotion,
“I forgive you.”

Hi there! So since you commented on my poem, I figured I'd take a look-see!
So I'll just go straight out and say I'm not a big fan of heavily religious stuff. But, ignoring that, this was pretty good.
I don't have much to complain about the grammar other than one or two dialogue errors, and this one little paragraph issue here:

Cyb3rBlade wrote:After a day of rest, the Army of the Red Cross departed for the final stage of their Pilgrimage: the assault on the City of Peace, Jerusalem. As he traveled, Mathew had infinite time to think. ”I wonder what my comrades are compelled by.” He thought, “Sir Francis said he came to escape his debt. Sir Fletcher came because he was bored managing the estate he inherited. It feels like I’m the only knight who really cares about God in this army.”The truth was, many crusaders

had come because they thought God really did want them to, though few were as devoted to seeing the Lord’s will done as Mathew.

Should be...

After a day of rest, the Army of the Red Cross departed for the final stage of their Pilgrimage: the assault on the City of Peace, Jerusalem. As he traveled, Mathew had infinite time to think. ”I wonder what my comrades are compelled by.” He thought, “Sir Francis said he came to escape his debt. Sir Fletcher came because he was bored managing the estate he inherited. It feels like I’m the only knight who really cares about God in this army.”

The truth was, many crusaders had come because they thought God really did want them to, though few were as devoted to seeing the Lord’s will done as Mathew.

Other than that, nothing else. I liked your theme about forgiveness, and it was a great read. Hope I was helpful

I liked the central idea of the story. I do agree with the review above that the first half of the story was more engaging. The reason for this, I believe, is because second half felt very rushed. I would strongly suggest to expand the second half of the story starting with the dream about the holy lance. The dream should be told more elaborately more colorful. The discovery of the lance should also be more dramatic. One can hardly imagine the impact that such discovery would have had on Crusaders. The battle for Jerusalem should also be greatly expanded. Crusaders fought for years to reach the city and, in my opinion, should be a very climatic moment. Some of the wording is a little too modern for the time period of the story. I am not completely sure about the two little details that I will discuss following this sentence so, hopefully, someone will address them so that you would know for sure. First, I do not think that Crusader is a title. Second, the story states that he jumped from the bridge before it was lowered but since Crusaders were assaulting the city it would be impossible because the bridge would have been lowered from the side of the city. That is, in order to get on the bridge the bridge had to be lowered first, the side where Crusaders would have got off was always in contact with the ground. The final criticism is something that is central to the story, Crusaders targeted many nationalities including Jews. My historical knowledge is not very strong but as far as I remember Crusaders considered Jews enemies which led to massacres. As such the Jewish village would have been attacked and only few would have survived. A Crusader who would have been found having a friendship with a Jew and moreover training him in combat would have been unquestionably executed. As such, you should change the circumstances of the meeting between Levi and Mathew as well as the way they kept their meetings and training which should have been kept in absolute secrecy. This would also give you an opportunity to introduce an additional plot, more drama. For example, if their friendship was discovered by one of Mathew's friends.
Overall liked the story and the set up. Hopefully you will not be discouraged from working on this story. With more time and more reviews this story can turn out very well. I feel that you where somewhat confining your writing to keep the story short but I believe that doing that is damaging. Good luck and keep up the good work.

I really would like to expound, but my limit was 1200 words and I almost used every single one. As such, I can't really introduce any more subplots, at least in my actual entry. I am kind of doubtful that the spear was really there when they started digging, although it might have. I don't really think that the dream would help the story much.
By definition, a short story should only have one plot, and mine has two. The Crusaders' pilgrimage and Mathew's transformation are really two stories in one. Mathew and Levi's change of beliefs can't stand by itself, but it really is another plot. Also, the capture of Jerusalem is not really a victory in the important plot with Levi and Mathew. I chose to focus on the horrors of the battle rather than the joy of victory.
You are right, the chances that Levi could just waltz into the army are pretty slim. I'll try to figure out how he doesn't get killed by the Crusaders.
You are right, I guess Mathew's title would be 'Sir'.

"Hello, my name's Mathew and I am a licensed full-time professional crusader!"

Okay, I'm not quite sure what you meant about the bridge. I do not know how much you know about siege machinery, so please don't be offended as I start from the beginning.
Siege towers were large wooden structures with wheels so that they could be moved up to the walls of enemy fortresses. They had several levels connected by ladders and had wood walls covered with moistened animal hide to protect the soldiers inside. They had arrow slits in the front for archers to shoot out of. Most importantly, the top level of the siege tower had a bridge which was kept vertical as the siege tower was rolled into position and then lowered onto the enemy battlements so that the soldiers inside could attack. It is of this bridge I speak.
Hope that cleared things up.