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"Dead to Rights" Ch. 3-4



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Gender: Male
Points: 1040
Reviews: 4
Wed Jun 22, 2011 8:23 am
TLT0715 says...



Ch. 3
North Aegean Sea, Greece, June 8, 19:13

After hours of pondering what had went wrong today, I had no choice but to stay to finish the contract. I did not expect to stay for more than a few hours here in paradise, so I was left without a place to stay. After docking the speed boat I went to a hotel near by. As I walked to the check in desk to book a room, my cell phone rang. On the other line was my client, code named “Black Bear”. My guess was he wanted an update on the contract he made with me in order to kill agent Miranda. The expiration of the date was running out quickly, it was less than 5 days away. I’m sure he was going to exchange some unfriendly words with me. After letting the phone ring for a few seconds I answered it.

“I thought the agreement was that I would call you when the contract was completed...” I started.

“That was before, when I thought you were a competent killer.” Replied Black Bear.

“I still am. Besides, I still have a few more days until the contract expires.”

“It should not take you this long Grim. You may be the best on our pay role, but that does not mean you can’t be replaced.”

“Good luck with that Bear.”

“Five days Grim. Five days, or you know what will happen with you.”

I kept calm as Black Bear hung up the phone violently. “Yes I know what will happen...” I thought to myself. In my line of work, people like me are expendable. Depending on your skill set, you can do a job several times and continue living, or do one job, then end up dead once it is done. Luckily for me my skills are needed now more than ever. Which is why I need to take care of this situation now before I lose more than a big pay check. Putting my phone away I continue booking my room and head over to the bar.

Walking to the bar I planned my next move on agent Miranda. As I made my way to the bar, I noticed at the far left corner of the counter, out of pure coincidence, she was sitting there. She was sitting alone drinking and listening to the band play on stage. I watched her as she listened intently to the smooth jazz music. I was not sure whether to be relieved or suspicious of bumping into her at one of six five star hotels. Though the thought had crossed my mind, I was not in the mood to kill her. I was too tired and frustrated to do so. Instead, I should get to know my enemy before she dies tomorrow.Though I must admit, seeing her in that short red cocktail dress made me feel a bit sad, knowing that she’d be dead soon. At least for tonight I can enjoy the view.


Ch. 4
North Aegean Sea, Greece, June 8, 20:02

Making my move I walked to the unsuspecting agent in an attempt to find out as much as I can about her, and maybe find out how it is she survived my bullet earlier today. I take a seat next to agent Miranda and call to the waiter for a drink. I do not respond or make eye contact with her. Instead I listen to the band on stage, watching their body movements as they put their breath into every note with passion. Then after the band finishes their song, I finally speak.

“Most people don’t come to places like this in the off season.”

“And yet here we are.” She said without giving me a glance.

I chuckle a little and realize that this conversation was one that I needed to be careful of.

“I like it. Less people to deal with, and more time to relax. It makes it feel like a real vacation” I responded.

“Very true, yet I highly doubt you are enjoying it since you’ve failed to kill me. I feel sorry for whoever hired you. They are apparently wasting their time and money” she said with a grin.

The bar tender hands me my drink and I casually pick it up from the counter and take a small sip from it.

“I don’t know what you are talking about Miss. I have only just met you and you have come up with this ridiculous notion that I tried to kill you.” I replied.

“You really are a terrible liar Grim. Or should I call you....Thomas?” she says as she turns to look me in the eye.

My face was unreadable, but my eyes could easily show that I was surprised that someone knew my real name. “Impossible” I thought. I had been off the grid of both the West and East for years. I spent a lot of time making sure my identity remained a secret. There was no way this agent could figure that out...

“How the hell do you know my name?” I asked her as I turned to look back into her eyes.

“Like all agents, I have my ways,” she said with a smile.

At that moment the band started to play “Unforgettable”. A few couples who were watching the band got up to dance.

“I love this song. I used to listen to it every night before I went to sleep.”she said before releasing a nostalgic sigh. She had a sad look as she watched the couples dance.

I turn back to my glass and have another small sip.

“It would be nice wouldn’t it?” I asked. “Holding someone you truly cared about and
dancing a slow dance to music that puts babies to sleep.”

“You talk as if you had experience.” she commented.

I scoff.

“Tell me Thomas, did you ever love anyone?” she asked me.

“First of all, don’t call me by my real name. No one should know that name. Second, since you have ways to find out things about me, you should know what goes on in my life.” I answer, chugging down the rest of my drink.

“If I knew everything about you would you still be here talking to me? I like a little mystery, makes things more fun.” She takes another sip from her glass.

“Well then...” I stand up from the counter and lay down some Euros. “I will leave you with your fun mystery.”

I start to walk away with nothing but frustration and puzzlement in my mind. I never met someone who has pissed me off so much. It’s as if my stream of luck was slowly coming apart. At the corner of my eye I see her walking out the main lobby.I had to make it clear to myself and to this fickle agent that I was not messing around. So i follow her down to the lobby, wondering if I should follow her to her room or wherever is a good place to end her life.

She quickly walked back to her room. Grabbing her key from her purse she went to open the door. But she could unlock it, she stood in front of the it for a moment. Her eyes closed and suddenly a single tear slid down her cheek. After a few seconds she wiped the tear away and entered her room. I couldn’t believe what I had seen. I saw a professional agent shed a single tear. But why? What was she playing at? I needed to find out more about this agent.
  





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Gender: Male
Points: 2378
Reviews: 39
Thu Jun 23, 2011 6:36 am
kaiden says...



You need to be careful with grammar and literature errors as they can really disrupt the flow of the story. Also if you're going to have them talk about love for a brief moment I think you should work it in a little smoother. But I do like that Alexis knows so much about you and you know little of her, really intrigues me on the whole cat and mouse game.

I'm curious to know more about Alexis now. Keep up the good work!
Any man can handle adversity, to test a man's character give him power - Abraham Lincoln

To be the greatest is when everything before you is obsolete, and everything after you bears your mark. - ?
  





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Gender: None specified
Points: 1623
Reviews: 36
Mon Jul 18, 2011 6:42 pm
DragonLADY says...



TLT0715 wrote:Ch. 3
North Aegean Sea, Greece, June 8, 19:13

After hours of pondering what had went wrong today, I had no choice but to stay to finish the contract. I did not expect to stay for more than a few hours here in paradise, so I was left without a place to stay. After docking the speed boat I went to a hotel near by. As I walked to the check in desk to book a room, my cell phone rang. On the other line was my client, code named “Black Bear”. My guess was he wanted an update on the contract he made with me in order to kill agent Miranda. The expiration of the date was running out quickly, it was less than 5 days away. I’m sure he was going to exchange some unfriendly words with me. After letting the phone ring for a few seconds I answered it.

“I thought the agreement was that I would call you when the contract was completed...” I started.

“That was before, when I thought you were a competent killer.” Replied Black Bear.

“I still am. Besides, I still have a few more days until the contract expires.”

“It should not take you this long Grim. You may be the best on our pay role, but that does not mean you can’t be replaced.”

“Good luck with that Bear.”

“Five days Grim. Five days, or you know what will happen with you.”

I kept calm as Black Bear hung up the phone violently. “Yes I know what will happen...” I thought to myself. In my line of work, people like me are expendable. Depending on your skill set, you can do a job several times and continue living, or do one job, then end up dead once it is done. Luckily for me my skills are needed now more than ever. Which is why I need to take care of this situation now before I lose more than a big pay check. Putting my phone away I continue booking my room and head over to the bar.

Walking to the bar I planned my next move on agent Miranda. As I made my way to the bar, I noticed at the far left corner of the counter, out of pure coincidence, she was sitting there Oooh. a confrontation...... She was sitting alone drinking and listening to the band play on stage. I watched her as she listened intently to the smooth jazz music. I was not sure whether to be relieved or suspicious of bumping into her at one of six five star hotels. Though the thought had crossed my mind, I was not in the mood to kill her. I was too tired and frustrated to do soIsnt she more or less the reason he's tired and frustrated?. Instead, I should get to know my enemy before she dies tomorrow.Though I must admit, seeing her in that short red cocktail dress made me feel a bit sad, knowing that she’d be dead soon. At least for tonight I can enjoy the view.*gasp* do i sense the slightest bit of attraction??? :D this is getting good.


Ch. 4
North Aegean Sea, Greece, June 8, 20:02

Making my move I walked to the unsuspecting agent in an attempt to find out as much as I can about her, and maybe find out how it is she survived my bullet earlier today. I take a seat next to agent Miranda and call to the waiter for a drink. I do not respond or make eye contact with her. Instead I listen to the band on stage, watching their body movements as they put their breath into every note with passion. Then after the band finishes their song, I finally speak.

“Most people don’t come to places like this in the off season.”

“And yet here we are.” She said without giving me a glance.

I chuckle a little and realize that this conversation was one that I needed to be careful of.

“I like it. Less people to deal with, and more time to relax. It makes it feel like a real vacation” I responded.

“Very true, yet I highly doubt you are enjoying it since you’ve failed to kill me.WHOA, SHE KNOWS??? I must have missed something that was in the first two chapters :P oops. :D I feel sorry for whoever hired you. They are apparently wasting their time and money” she said with a grin.

The bar tender hands me my drink and I casually pick it up from the counter and take a small sip from it.

“I don’t know what you are talking about Miss. Now, as a person who has yet to read the first chapters, is he just playing coy, or does he really not know that she knows?I have only just met you and you have come up with this ridiculous notion that I tried to kill you.” I replied.

“You really are a terrible liar Grim. Or should I call you....Thomas?” she says as she turns to look me in the eye.

My face was unreadable, but my eyes could easily show that I was surprised that someone knew my real name. “Impossible” I thought. I had been off the grid of both the West and East for years. I spent a lot of time making sure my identity remained a secret.Wow... umm that would definitely be disconcerting. There was no way this agent could figure that out...

“How the hell do you know my name?” I asked her as I turned to look back into her eyes.

“Like all agents, I have my ways,” she said with a smile.

At that moment the band started to play “Unforgettable”. A few couples who were watching the band got up to dance.

“I love this song. I used to listen to it every night before I went to sleep.”she said before releasing a nostalgic sigh. She had a sad look as she watched the couples dance.

I turn back to my glass and have another small sip.

“It would be nice wouldn’t it?” I asked. “Holding someone you truly cared about and
dancing a slow dance to music that puts babies to sleep.”

“You talk as if you had experience.” she commented.

I scoff.

“Tell me Thomas, did you ever love anyone?” she asked me.

“First of all, don’t call me by my real name. No one should know that name. Second, since you have ways to find out things about me, you should know what goes on in my life.” I answer, chugging down the rest of my drink.

“If I knew everything about you would you still be here talking to me? I like a little mystery, makes things more fun.” She takes another sip from her glass.

“Well then...” I stand up from the counter and lay down some Euros. “I will leave you with your fun mystery.”

I start to walk away with nothing but frustration and puzzlement in my mind. I never met someone who has pissed me off so much. It’s as if my stream of luck was slowly coming apart. At the corner of my eye I see her walking out the main lobby.I had to make it clear to myself and to this fickle agent that I was not messing around. So i follow her down to the lobby, wondering if I should follow her to her room or wherever is a good place to end her life.

She quickly walked back to her room. Grabbing her key from her purse she went to open the door. But she could unlock it, she stood in front of the it for a moment. Her eyes closed and suddenly a single tear slid down her cheek. After a few seconds she wiped the tear away and entered her room. I couldn’t believe what I had seen. I saw a professional agent shed a single tear. But why? What was she playing at? I needed to find out more about this agent.I agree!


Okay, so maybe it's because ive been reading a lot of romance novels lately, and they generally have spy, or cop plots, but i really enjoyed this. The intrigue is amazing, and i'm left wanting more. im not such a huge editor of spelling, but i didnt notice anything that stood out as being totally wrong. :D :D Keep going, it's great thus far!
You have been adressed by the Lady of the Dragons, lol
  








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