Young Writers Society

“Hey Sam?” Clara asked. “How much money do you got?” I rummaged through all my trouser pockets and plopped the change on the restaurant's table.
“Uh… ‘Bout, seven pennies in my pocket.” I said, proudly.“ You?” She shrugged and stared shyly at the coins.
“I got about two dollars,” she murmured. My eyes bugged at her response.
“Holy moly, Clara!” I exclaimed. "Where’d you come across two whole dollars?” she shrugged again.
“Found it in the street. Will it be enough for some ice cream?” she asked.
“Ice cream costs a two cents. Two whole dollars could get you an entire ice cream parlor.” I whispered. She giggled and started to stare at my money again.
“I’m a tellin’ you, James, that ol’ light house got spooks up yonder!” A voice hollered. I twisted around to see Joe, who owned a bait shop down the street, pounding his fist on the bar table. James, Joe’s brother, looked annoyed.
“Ol’ man Ben has been dead for ten years. There ain’t nothin’ over there worth hauntin’ over.” argued James.
“There’s been tales of him havin’ a grand fortune up there-”
“-That man didn’t have two pennies to rub together! Let alone have a full fortune.” James cut Joe off.
“I’m a tellin’ you it’s true! They said that he hid it in the nearby cave.” Joe’s voice fell to a sharp whisper. “They said he had one hundred dollars!” my eyes bugged. We were in the middle of a depression. How could someone come across such money?
“Aw, quit rattlin’ my chain, Joe. There’s no way that ol’ man come across those riches.” James growled. “Besides, who told you such tall tales?” Joe looked around to see if anyone was looking. I turned my head just in the nick of time, so he didn’t notice that I too knew about the money. Joe whispered in James ear, and then James jerked back after a moment or two.
“His wife?” he mouthed.” Impossible!”
“Her dyin’ words,” said Joe. “Or let the good Lord take me at this moment.” He put one hand to his heart and the other raised in the air and gave a content smile. James rolled his eyes.
“He’d be doin’ us a favor.” He grumbled, annoyed. “Alright, you convinced me. When the sun sets, we’ll go huntin’ for this so-called treasure.”
“Alright, deal.” said Joe. “But, what about them spooks?”
"Don't worry about 'em. If we come across them we'll just tell 'em were puttin' the money to good use." This seemed to please Joe, so they shook hands on it. I turned to Clara, and her eyes looked like they were going to fall out of her skull. Apparently, she heard the conversation as clear as I did.
“You a thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’?” Clara asked.
“Yup, we’re a goin’ treasure huntin’.”
…
Sneaking out of my house, and getting to the light house was the easy part. My mother was asleep, and my dad would still be working. I propped up my window and crawled out with a sugar bag and a shovel. The damp grass was cool on my bare feet, and the tree branches waved around in the breeze as if they were waving at me. The light house was in my sight in minutes. A tall brick-red pole that had two giant lights that have been there for fifty years now. I know because my Dad was friends with Ol' man John, and he took my Dad and I up to the very top to see him fire up the lights. I was about seven at the time. But, when I went looking for this so-called nearby cave, I nearly ended up in the ditch just to the left of it. Clara said she’d meet me there, and low and behold, she was hiding in a nearby bush when I finally found her. I inched my way around and down the hill and crept up behind her.
“Shh,” she whispered. “I hear voices.” I cupped my hand behind my ear and listened real hard.
“Yeeeeeeeee doggy!” cried Joe. “Look at all that, James! Ain’t it just the prettiest sight you ever did see?”
“Well, I’ll have to admit it is mighty fine to look at.” said James.
“Mighty fine? We won’t have to go diggin’ for worms ever again! We got all the money in the world now!” Joe bellowed.
“Quiet down, will ya? Before somebody else hears you.” James hissed. “Now just give me the chest, and we’ll get goin’.”
“Oh, no you ain’t!” Joe snapped. “I did all the diggin’, so I’m a gonna carry that chest.”
“You stubborn mule! Just give it ch’here.” James growled.
“No! I’ve been doin’ all the work in that shop, and all you’ve done is sit around and spend all my money. Now I want some money of my own!” Joe was close to yelling now.
“Mama said that the store belongs to me! I’m the oldest! So, it’s not your money to spend, and you never work! You just sleep all day and drink away my money!” James hollered.
“I do no such thing! You ain’t nothing but a rotten, lazy, liar!” Joe screamed.
“And, you ain’t nothing but a pain in my neck!” James bellowed.
“Why you…” Joe never finished his sentence. Instead, it was ended with a metal bam and a loud hollow thud. “Humph, ain’t so smart now, ain’t ya? Nope, you’re even dumber dead then you were alive!” Suddenly, of all the ungodly moments, Clara sneezed. “Who’s out there?!” Joe hollered. I heard his footsteps get closer and closer to us.
“We need to get outta here.” I whispered to Clara. She nodded, and we shot up the hill running for our dear lives.
“You dang, nosy kids. You get back here! You heard me? You get back here, and lemme skin ‘ya alive!”Clara and I shot through the woods like a scared bullet, and managed to out run the old man. But, we didn’t stop running; we kept racing until we reached my house. We were huffing and puffing by the time we did.
“Sam,” said Clara, “We need to promise each other somethin’.”
“Never speak of this.” I said, “Ever.” She nodded, and held out her hand. I shook it, and opened my window. I hopped inside and closed my eyes, and somehow managed to remember leaving the shovel behind. But, just moments later I heard shuffling outside of my window.
"Sam?" a voice whispered. It sounded distant and old. I buried my face under my blanket, in fear that it was Joe. "Sam? Why did you seek my fortune?" That's when I realized that it wasn't Joe. It was much, much worse than Joe.
"Sam? Why did you seek my fortune?"
It was Old man John's voice, but John's been dead for ten years.
Hasn't he?

Is it really that bad?

really nice suspense in this story, but what I like even more are the dialouges. They seemed very natural, how they acted and reacted at each other. Kudo's for that.

Because this story is more dialouge I find it almost too bad when you write descriptively from Sam's point of view. I think it would probably be a better idea to write from another perspective than Sam's. Because somehow the accents lost some of their strenght to make this story more realistic. But that can also be a matter of taste I guess.

Stil really good story, which you should continue.

I love the feel you have with this story! Very mysterious. I was really hoping something terrible would happen to the brothers, though. Oh, well. I guess on murdering the other will have to do. I like it in first person, personally. I think it fits the story.
Nitpicks:

“Uh… ‘Bout, seven pennies in my pocket.” I said, proudly.

I think " 'bout" should be lower case. When you use an ellipsis to indicate a pause, the word after the ellipsis should be lower case, and there should be no spaces. Also, you only end a quotation with a period if the sentence following is not a tag. If you have a tag, as you do here, always end it with a comma (unless it's an exclamation or a question). (Ex. "I don't care for crisps," she said. VS. "I don't care for crisps." She wrinkled her nose and turned away.) Sometimes you do it correctly, and others you use a period. I'll correct a couple more for you, then you can do the rest.

"Where’d you come across two whole dollars?” She shrugged again.

wo whole dollars could get you an entire ice cream parlor,” I whispered.

that ol’ light house got spooks up yonder!” a voice hollered.

There ain’t nothin’ over there worth hauntin’ over,” argued James.

“-That man didn’t have two pennies to rub together!

You don't need the dash here.

Let alone have a full fortune,” James cut Joe off.

“They said he had one hundred dollars!” My eyes bugged.

You used the same expression about buggy eyes earlier. I would suggest changing one of them.

here’s no way that ol’ man come across those riches,” James growled.

He put one hand to his heart and the other raised in the air and gave a content smile. James rolled his eyes.

Favourite two sentences in the whole thing.

we’ll go a huntin’ for this so-called treasure.

Keep your dialect consistent.

You a thinkin’ what I’m a thinkin’?

The damp grass was cool on my bare feet, and the tree branches waved around in the breeze as if they were waving at me.

You use the same word twice here. Maybe "...tree branches swayed in the breeze..."

But, when I went looking for this so-called nearby cave

No comma after "but."

You get back here, and lemme skin ‘ya alive

Oh, yeah. That's going to make little kids come to you.

Clara and I shot through the woods like a scared bullet,

This simile was a little weird for me. "Scared bullet" felt a little awkward. What's something else that is fast and could be scared? A deer maybe?

“Sam,” said Clara, “We need to promise each other somethin’.”
“Never speak of this.”

Aren't they going to tell the police that a man just killed his brother? Kids these days.

"Sam? Why did you seek my fortune?"

Why isn't Ol' Man John coming after Joe? Or Clara?

General Points:
1)You need to keep your dialect consistent through narration and dialogue. Because it is told informally from Sam's point of view, it should be written in his speech.
2)While I appreciate your creativity with the verbs in your dialogue tags, they're a little too much. Not every quotation needs a tag, and it becomes even more noticeable when you use words other than "said." Decide which tags are really necessary, and fire the rest of them. They aren't pulling their weight.
3)You need to experiment with more showing, not telling. Describe to us what's happening, instead of bluntly stating it.
Overall, I thought this was a really fun story. You could elaborate with some more description, but I though it was a great start. I love the dialect and the characters. It was a very fun read. If you have any questions about any of the above (because I did a horrible job of explaining), feel free to send a PM my way.
Happy writing!
-Sea-