Young Writers Society

For your information, this is based on a true story of my grandparents and dad, uncles, aunts and how they survived.


Thu was born in North Vietnam. Thu had a big family of seven children to take care of, and a wife. Thu was a police chief in South Vietnam. The War had begun.

Thu trudged through the streets of Vietnam after a tiring day. He stumbled inside the small home, sitting down and taking off his hat. He was tired, that was one thing, and he was hungry, that was another. His five sons ran in, one after the other, each face as dirty as their hands. Thu smiled weakly as the boys sat around their small table. Lynn and Ly, girls that could be twins, but, in fact, were four years apart, walked in, carrying stick and grass dolls. Their little faces smiled happily as their mother asked them to help make supper.
The five boys laughed as they wrestled, seeing which one was stronger. The table trembled under the fights. The chairs creaked as the boys moved ferociously. Thu told each boy to be quiet, "Im lanh di!" he said in Vietnamese. The boys became quiet as their mother and sisters laid out what they were to eat that day: Buon Bo Hue, or Noodle, Beef, and Tomato Soup, and water. Each boy's face grew bright with happiness. But, they couldn't eat yet, as their Mother sent all of them off to wash their hands and faces.
When they came back, Thu made the Sign of the Cross and, together they prayed before their meal. Then, they ate, the boys still laughing and wrestling under the table, the girls giggling and whispering, and the parents eating hungrily.

It was war. It would be known for millions of years. And Thu's struggles would remain in the family forever.
Chinh, his second eldest son, had already gone to Australia with a better life for him. Thu could only focus on his leftover children and wife.

There were cries of sadness and joy. The boat was about to leave this Communist place. It pushed off from the dock as the Communist soldiers rushed to the dock, firing as much as they could. Thu was happy, but afraid. He had left his family on the boat, but just as he had tried to help Lynn on, the boat left. He had pulled Lynn's arms around his shoulders and ran. He couldn't afford to lose his oldest daughter. Thu ran and ran. He burst into an abandoned home. Lynn slipped to the ground, her black hair tangled, and face covered with dirt.
Thu told her to stay in the home, and if any soldiers came, to hide, if they are about to find you, be prepared to make an escape plan: run and hide. Lynn asked him what she would eat, or drink. The father replied, "Drink and eat only when you are starving." He handed her some money and kissed her on the cheek. Then, he ran.

"Hey! Who are you? Why are you running? Get over here!" a Communist soldier screamed. Thu blinked as the soldier walked closer. He could not run anymore. He was too tired to do anything. The soldier grabbed him by the collar and pulled Thu along. "Got another one." he yelled. Thu was thrown onto the truck, along with a bunch of other men. The truck started moving along the road. Thu sighed, looking at his dirty hands and clothes.

"You are in a concentration camp! You must work in order to get food and living quarters!" a Communist general shouted. Thu shuddered against his harsh words, silently praying. After the general's speech, he was thrown into a working field. He pulled the levers the Communist told him to pull. He pushed the things the Communist told him to push. He was much like a slave.

Finally, freedom! The war had not been fought all the way, but at last, he was free!! Thu ran across the ground to his old home. He stopped in his tracks at the place that had once been his home, but now a wasteland. Then, Thu remembered his family and his home. Then, Thu remembered Lynn. He desperately tried to find the abandoned home, but could not find it nor her. He gave up, just like that. Thu sat down and cried. It was not manly to cry, but how many times had he cried before? None. So he cried and sobbed and wept, not caring at all about the world around him, but about poor Lynn.

"We will take care of her. Go be with your family, Thu." his brother said.
Thu shook his head and sat down next to his daughter. Lynn smiled at her father. "It's really all right. I'm too young to go. Plus, Dinh said it would be better." Thu looked in surprise at Lynn. "Dinh told you that?" "Yes, he is the oldest, isn't he?" Thu sighed and brushed off some of her hair from her face. "Be good, Lynn." was all he could say. He stood up, embraced his family and fled to a new home.


The end.

Now, if you must know the whole family:

Dinh, oldest son
Chinh, second oldest son
Lynn, oldest daughter
Quan, third oldest son
Ly, second oldest daughter
Tai, second youngest son
Phong, youngest son

Hi there!

Now, I know this is based off a true story so it must be very important to you. It was a good read and very well written. The spelling and grammer were good as well.

I think you should've developed your characters a bit more. Even though we met the family, we never knew what they looked like. We also didn't know where they lived (what their house looked like) and if they were in a safe part of the country or not.

I was also a little confused reading through this because you jumped from one point of the story to another. I feel like you had little to no transition from one major event to the other. You went from introducing the family, to dinner, to the war, to a boat leaving the country, to Thu almost losing his daughter, to Thu in a concentration camp, to Thu finding his daughter again. You should probably read over this again and find a way to transition better.

I hope this review helped. Keep writing!

I understand how close this must be to your heart, considering that this is a true story on them. It makes it hard to give a review, but I'll try.

In all honesty, the only problems I had with it was the skipping you did. It didn't flow very well with the story, but maybe you weren't given any information that led up to it? One I'll point out was when Thu had gotten out of the concentration camp, but couldn't find Lynn. You left it at he was crying, and then he suddenly found his daughter, with his brother? There's no informtion that leads up to that, but again, maybe you weren't given any information on how that happened.

That was really my only problem with it. I love stories like this because they can tell the real truths on what happened, not just something you'd read in some textbook. I'm really glad that you shared this.

~Wolfy.

Well, yes, there were only some parts that I knew of in my generation because I try to speak to my Grandpa in Vietnamese. And it's hard to since English is my fluent language.

Hello katngo73,

As this is a true story and obviously close to your heart I will have to word this review carefully because this story will be personal and I don't want to offend you but I'll try this. My first opinion of this was that it was really good and really well researched and you put thought into every aspect of this. I liked how you included lots of characters yet it still made sense in such a short story. The language and plot were both really powerful and I was captured from the start to the end and now on with the review.

In all honesty, the only problems I had with it was the skipping you did

First of all I have to agree with Noelle and Wolfdra, you did skip quite a bit of this and that was probably the main confusing part of this. You needed a few paragraphs between everything to make sure that the transactions between every event was smoother and not so bumpy and hard to follow.

I think you could have shown a bit more personality from more of the characters and spent more time describing the characters appearance and the characters personality before you began starting the story and beginning to develop the plot a bit more. All you really said was to describe the characters was

black hair tangled, and face covered with dirt

which for me didn't really cover everything.

I can't really think of anything else to say but I can tell you that my favorite part was easily this.

Each boy's face grew bright with happiness. But, they couldn't eat yet, as their Mother sent all of them off to wash their hands and faces.
When they came back, Thu made the Sign of the Cross and, together they prayed before their meal. Then, they ate, the boys still laughing and wrestling under the table, the girls giggling and whispering, and the parents eating hungrily.

It reminded me of typical family occasions and it set the scene indefinitely for me. I loved the warmth that this scene emitted for me.

Overall this was an interesting story and I liked how you took a true family event and converted it into a scene that you described. I have to say this was amazing and I liked the length and imagery. I look forward to your future stories and please let me know if you want another review.

From DreamingForever