Young Writers Society

“Will the white drapes be hanged?”
“Yes, Ms. Lee,” Nurse Suh said as she slid open the windows. Her tanned, strong arms busily cleared away the torn plastic wrappings and used needles. She swung open the closet, and reached in to pull out a light pink shawl.
“Let’s go out for a walk,” Nurse Suh suggested. She carefully wrapped the old lady’s shoulders and assisted her to get up from the bed.
“Wait,” Ms. Lee said suddenly, and then opened the drawer of her bedside table. She peered into the reflection of her mirror and stroked her shiny, black hair back behind her elfish ears. A mischievous smile with soft brown eyes twinkled back at her.
“Hurry, hurry.” Ms. Lee leaned heavily on Nurse Suh’s arms as she struggled to the door. Nurse Suh motioned the cleaning lady to go in.
Soon enough they were in the courtyards. The road had been paved clean with mud red and chalk white bricks. White and red, side by side, all blended into an amalgam of a red and white road.
“Ms. Lee, I’m going to go get your breakfast. Just go sit down on that bench, okay?” She asked. After one more scrutinizing glance, Nurse Suh headed back for the hospital.
She waited nervously on the bench, and stared at her neat and regularly cut nails. The pleasant breeze gently lifted wisps of silver strands across her eyes drooping with skin.
All of a sudden, Ms. Lee drew in a gasp of surprise as she stared at the huge tree at the center of the outside park. She saw the familiar back of a young, lean man, clothed in stiff green and a matching cap.
Her supple body leapt up with joy as she ran towards the tree. Her waist slimmed down and her hair lengthened into a loose bundle of coal curls. She wore the smartly ironed uniform of a white dress that ended below her knees and tiny white slippers.
“Oppa, Hyun Soo Oppa*,” she called happily as she jumped onto his broad back. They were shaded underneath the enormous tree. The tree stood on top of a small hill, so she could see the bustling town below. All the villas* whispered of emptiness and the revolutionaries, idealists, and commoners buzzed nosily.
“Oof!” The man laughed deeply as he tried to crane his head backwards.
“No, don’t turn around,” she said, and snuggled her head into the back of his neck. “Let’s just stay like this.”
“Are you allowed to play hooky?” Hyun Soo* asked her as he wrapped his arms underneath her thighs.
“No,” she said, “but I don’t care. Oppa, when are you coming back?”
“After the war. I’ll come back after I become a general. “His deep voice did not reassure her very much. She poked her finger into his cheek.
“You promise?”
“Of course.”
“Do you have to go?”
“Lee Yu Jin*,” he said sadly.
“Would they want you to go?” They both knew she referred to his parents.
He was silent and then replied, “I’m fighting for Korea. For independence.”
“Where will you be going?”
“I’ll be traveling up North*, and then I’m going to sign up at the recruitment sites.” She dusted off his green shoulder pads.
“Can’t you just fight here? Shin Hwa Oppa’s just fighting down here,” she muttered.
“Shin Hwa’s a stupid retard with no ambitions. It’s not just about picking up a gun and shooting randomly. It’s about what you fight for. I’m going to change Korea into a country for the people, not for the rich bastards that became the Japanese dogs*.” Yu Jin could feel the tremors of anger emanate from his back.
“Then when will we be married?” She thought it wise to change the topic.
“As soon as I get back,” he promised. And then he groaned as he crashed to his knees. The air cooled as snow began to fall heavily, leaving the field white and red. Yu Jin shrieked as she stared in shock at the slain figure before her. Bullets whizzed by, too fast for the human eye, as they found their targets in the soldiers. Groaning men and silent men lay side by side among the field of white and red.
Scrambling to her knees, Yu Jin struggled to turn the figure around. She saw the young face that looked back at her. His eyes were frosted open with disbelief and blue lips formed a small circle as though he, too, hadn’t realized his death. He couldn’t have been older than thirteen.
Yu Jin sobbed brokenly as the ground a few meters away from her erupted like a volcano of snow, scrap metal, and flesh.
“Nurse Lee, Nurse Lee,” someone gripped her shoulders strongly and heaved her to her feet. “Come on, gather your wits, we need to get out of here,” Doctor Kim yelled while shaking her furiously.
“No, no. Oppa,” she cried hollowly as Doctor Kim dragged her past the still smoldering shell.
They hurried across the mushy snow and into the bright green grass and heavenly skies. Yu Jin hummed by herself as she spread open the white sheets. Twirling her lithe frame, she hung the cloth on top of taut ropes.
“What are you so happy about, Nurse Lee?” Nurse Park asked cheerfully as she put her hands on her hips.
“The war’s finally over.” She beamed up at the immense blue above.
“It’s been long enough.”
“How long do you think it would take to go to Pyeong Yang* from here?” Yu Jin asked suddenly.
“Pyeong Yang? That’s all the way up north from here, I don’t know maybe three days? All the roads are blasted so the journey will be pretty tough though. Plus its commie* territory.”
“Oh hush, there’s no commie or democracy. We’re all Koreans.”
“Wish I thought the same but the red bastards killed a lot of our soldiers. You be careful too, otherwise you might get in trouble from the people on top,” Nurse Park warned.
“That’s silly, the war’s all over. Look at these white sheets.”
“I’d still be careful if I were you. Oh yeah, you don’t have to go all the way up to Pyeong Yang though, you can see some of the commies here. They’re hanging some of the commie generals today at the town center.”
Yu Jin only sighed as she patted the laundry.
“There was a cute one, too,” Nurse Park said wistfully, “tall and lean. Handsome in that dark way, you know.”
“Didn’t Doctor Kim ask you to marry him the other day?”
“After he asked you,” Nurse Park said snidely, “and besides, the criminal was just so good looking. A real man. If only he wasn’t a commie I’d snatch him up right away. What was his name…? Kang something.”
Yu Jin whirled around quickly. She grabbed Nurse Park’s wrist and pulled her roughly. She yelled at her and, upon receiving a terrified nod from Nurse Park, Yu Jin quickly ran through the rows of white sheets. They brushed her cheeks roughly, one after the next. Blow, blow. She pushed them out of the way. Her heart pounded. Blood coursed and her face reddened. White, white, red.
She burst out beyond the cloth lines to see a well established hospital instead of the town center. Ms. Lee could hear the honks of nearby cars and the urban smog lightly covering the blue skies.
“Ms. Lee?” She stumbled to a stop on her bloated feet as she panted heavily, her snow white hair floating around her shoulders. Ms. Lee faced Nurse Suh’s puzzled glance. Nurse Suh held the tray with her strong, tanned arms as she pushed the white laundry out of the way.
“What are you doing here? I told you to stay in the courtyard,” Nurse Suh said harshly. She walked over to the old lady.
“White drapes.” Ms. Lee moaned as her surroundings spun into place, a hospital, and elderly patients with birds and trees. Her plump body crashed heavily to the ground as she beat the red and white brick pavement with her wrinkled hands. A few feet away, two pale children in identical clothes chased each other around the bright green lawn. “Hanged.”


Short Notes
*Oppa – A term of endearment fondly used for older guys, but only girls use this.
*Villas – Most villas or big houses were lived in by Japanese people during the 35 years occupation (1910-1945). The setting of this short story takes place after the occupations are over and most villas seized by either the government or empty.
*Hyun Soo – Korean names are two characters.
*Lee Yu Jin – The last name goes before the first name.
*North – The “North” he refers to his the northern part of Korea, now known as North Korea.
*Japanese Dogs – Most of the wealthy Koreans made their money and influence by being servile to the Japanese figures in Korea, often being crueler to their fellow Koreans then the Japanese themselves.
*Pyeong Yang – The capital of North Korea.
*Commie – A slang translated into English that refers to communist soldiers.

Hi there!

I really enjoyed this piece. It was very interesting and kept me reading to the end. At first I was a little confused when you switched the names and the soldiers came in, but then I realized it was all a memory. Your description and imagery is great, really giving me a solid picture in my head as I was reading. Your characters are real and believable, you developed them well. Here's a quote I liked:

The road had been paved clean with mud red and chalk white bricks. White and red, side by side, all blended into an amalgam of a red and white road.

This is great imagery.

Overall this is a good piece. Keep writing!

Perfect. I've been on a historical fiction kick recently.

"...Just go sit down on that bench, okay?” She asked.

Simple slip. A quick proofread will catch little mistakes like this.

Other than that, I didn't really notice anything. I loved how seamlessly the visions slipped into each other, how Ms. Lee went from standing on a walkway in frail condition to being a little girl again, to then suddenly being in the dead of winter with dead bodies all around her. Very powerful imagery, very nice.

The only thing that bothered me was the asterisks. When I've read other historical fiction, any information like translations are often incorporated into the story. For example, if this were WWII era, and one Nazi soldier is yelling at another, it would look something like this:

"Soldier! Wohin gehst du? Where are you going?"

I think that can be incorporated here. For the name, Lee Yu Jin, mention the relationship to the father. General? Fallen soldier? You can even have a character say something like, "I must go to Pyeong Yang, the capital." I prefer the flow of having explanations in the narrative rather than having to scroll down to figure out why the asterisk is there.

Very well done. I took a class last year on the Korean and Vietnam Wars, and I saw nothing historically out of place. Beautiful stuff.

Keep writing! Hope to see more.

KF

Hey, great setting, but...

After one more scrutinizing glance

you should have made Nurse Suh throw scrutinizing glances earlier in the story before writing “after one more”,

Her supple body leapt up with joy as she ran towards the tree.

And all this time i was thinking that this Ms. Lee was an old lady...

The pleasant breeze gently lifted wisps of silver strands across her eyes drooping with skin.

Now I am even more confused...
Here,

Oppa, when are you coming back?”

I get the impression that this person with silver hair and drooping skin is a girl, which is highly unlikely,

and blue lips formed a small circle

and his blue lips...

He couldn’t have been older than thirteen.

So Nurse Lee is old-looking, but no older than thirteen, did i get that part correct?

“No, no. Oppa,” she cried hollowly as Doctor Kim dragged her past the still smoldering shell.
They hurried across the mushy snow and into the bright green grass and heavenly skies.

Between the paragraphs, you should have added something to show a time-break exists.

The rest of the story is highly confusing, and needs to be thought over in greater detail, i think that you were rushing while writing the stroy, and that is never good, but anyway, keep writing, because practice makes perfect

You had me at Korean war. Then I realised we're not talking about the 1950s Korean war but the Japanese occupation. This too was very interesting though; I hadn't given too much thought to attitudes afterwards. I suppose I just thought of Kim Il-Sung ruling and having an influence, and then America placing Rhee in the South - Hence you have capitalism one end, and communism the other.. I feel I want to look up on this some more now, thank you.

I really enjoyed this. Admittedly it took me a moment to realise this was a memory, but after I understood this I really got into it. It changes so quick, after you changed it in the same paragraph twice though it was enough of a pattern for me to understand it.

Unfortunately I'm puzzled at this "Kang something". Perhaps I'm missing something historically - but then again, you've left so many footnotes already.

This is the first time I've read historical fiction on this site, and it's been a pleasure.

Nice. Before I move onto a review of the actual piece, a congratulations is in order. Hooray! You've stopped using so many unnecessary words I really enjoyed reading this piece for a number of reasons; one of them is that I never got hung up on something. You were concise and I felt like almost every word was significant. You demand every detail be read carefully. Thumbs up.

Okay on to the meat of the review. I'm usually iffy on stories that "whirl" through time (think Slaughterhouse Five :/). I prefer my cup of tea still and steaming, not swirling. I think it works very well for this piece though. For one, it's one of the best ways to shuffle through the memories of an old person. Also, it allows some exposition at least to be glazed over in the passage of time. The reader can fill in the blank spaces. What really made it work for me, was the way each scene jumped into the next.

They hurried across the mushy snow and into the bright green grass and heavenly skies.

At first it feels too abrupt but then it feels just perfect. Memories don't wind down and rev back up. They skip from one scene to the next. At least, that's what I believe.

I loved the black hair in the beginning turning white at the end. I loved the white, white, red. I loved the imagery. I loved the main character. I did not like:

“White drapes.” Ms. Lee moaned as her surroundings spun into place, a hospital, and elderly patients with birds and trees. Her plump body crashed heavily to the ground as she beat the red and white brick pavement with her wrinkled hands. A few feet away, two pale children in identical clothes chased each other around the bright green lawn. “Hanged.”

the conclusion. It felt like you were forcing the issue with the white drapes, hanged. Sometimes if you can connect the whole piece like this at the end, the resulting message is poweful. Here, it sounds unnatural. I felt like the Ms. Lee didn't really have to say anything at the end. It's a matter of taste maybe, but I didn't care for it. (I didn't like Cat is Friend either if you remember that ending)

A more tangible complaint I have. Given context clues and such I could work out that his name was kang hyun soo, but people who aren't acquainted with korean names might think Hyun was his first name and Soo was his last name. Therefore, the surname Kang provides confusion, because it's the first time in the story that it's mentioned. (Not everybody reads the asterisks*). But I guess this story was meant for people acquainted with Korea.

I'm unsure of the Historical Fiction genre. I usually prefer my tea today, not yesterday. Some are good I admit, but I don't go looking for them. For that reason, this wasn't one of my favorites, but looks like some other history buffs enjoyed it, and the imagery was sub lime, in red and white, and you didn't use all sorts of unnecessary non-pithy words, so all in all good worj!

*I did though. At the end.