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Young Writers Society


Creation of the worlds beaches and the Moon



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Gender: Male
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Mon Aug 29, 2011 9:21 pm
Shinrai says...



Spoiler! :
This is supposed to be read like a myth

Co-written by My Cousin and I


Long ago before the creation of man there was a great glass palace in the sky made for all the gods of the earth. In the palace the gods would dance, sing, and feast on lots of food while admiring their creation of earth down below. The glass palace was so beautiful because the sun’s rays would strike the surface of the glass and create a plethora of colors in the sky above earth. The creatures of earth loved the palace and the colors it created as much as the gods did. The colors in the sky even out shone the magnificent colors of the stars. Marveling at the palace on earth, the stars in the sky became jealous of its beauty and sent a meteor down to strike the glass palace and demolish it. As the meteor got closer to the earth it began to admire the palace and did not wish to destroy this wonderful creation that so many of earth’s creatures enjoyed. So instead the meteor decided to follow the palace around the earth watching it and reflecting light on it to see it shimmer in the night. The stars did not like this so they made the water fall in love with the meteor and reach upwards toward it, clawing at the meteor. When the waves began to reach for the meteor they hit the delicate and beautiful palace. This weakened the palace over time, each time the water reached it; it destroyed more of its beauty. Once when the waves clawed at the meteor it created gashes and craters in the meteor. Eventually the palace shattered into trillions upon trillions of very tiny pieces that fell into the waters below on earth. Once the waves hit the meteor it created gashes in it pushing the meteor and its orbit back farther away from earth. The gods of the earth were infuriated that their palace was ruined and that they could no longer admire earth together and the animals on earth became very sad. The gods then decided to permanently punish the stars by taking away their colors that they shine, making them only shine the color white so that they too will not be beautiful like the earth’s sky once was. Because the meteor decided to protect the palace in the sky the gods rewarded it by giving it control over the waves of the sea, and so the meteor became known as the moon. The pieces of the glass palace spread far throughout the seas below and over time the waves that the moon controlled and the water washed the pieces of the glass up on land and it became abundant on the shore, creating the beach. Once humans came along they called the glass on the beach sand. Each speck of sand on earth once was part of the beautiful palace in the sky which emanated colors across it. Thus this is how the beaches and the moon came to be.
Last edited by Shinrai on Tue Aug 30, 2011 2:43 am, edited 3 times in total.
Shinrai (Japanese) means reliance, faith, trust, and confidence which are things that I hold value in and I strive to be reliable, faithful to God and the people I'm around, trustworthy, and confident so if you were wondering what my name means I hope this explains everything
  





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Gender: Female
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Reviews: 20
Mon Aug 29, 2011 9:40 pm
keekers11 says...



Wow. What an imagination you have there. Haha, I absolutely loved it. You kept me entertained the entire time. Though I wish you would have added a little more. Made it longer, perhaps? Other than that, excellent work. I'll be looking forward to reading more of your writing.
  





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Tue Aug 30, 2011 12:56 am
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DevanEWilliams says...



Hey there. I really enjoyed reading this, and so I decided to review it.
These types of stories have always been really interesting to me. Yours was creative and insightful. It's a wonderful idea to explain how the moon was created.
One thing that I may suggest is spacing this out into separate paragraphs. When I looked at this at first, I almost didn't want to read it because it was all mashed together in one giant paragraph and it was a little difficult to keep my place while reading. That being said, if that is the style you are going for, then that's fine.

Another thing that I noticed is what you did here:

Once the waves hit the moon it created gashes in it pushing the moon and its orbit back farther away from earth.


The only problem I have with this is that later on, you mention that it became known as the moon. Referring to the "meteor" as the moon this early in the story is a continuity error, in my opinion.

Marveling at the palace on earth, the stars in the sky became jealous of its beauty and sent a meteor down to strike the glass palace and demolish it. As the meteor got closer to the earth it began to admire the palace and did not wish to destroy this wonderful creation that so many of earth’s creatures enjoyed. So instead the meteor decided to follow the palace around the earth watching it and reflecting light on it to see it shimmer in the night.


This is a fantastic idea! I love your imagination coming out in this piece, especially here but overall as well.
The way you tell this story has a style that I would associate with verbally telling a story. Your writing style is very close to spoken language--your sentences are mostly short but still varied, which is good.
Other than what I've already mentioned, amazing job! Claps for you! :)
Keep writing!
~Devan
Stay away from limbo bears.
And always have extra marshmallows on hand in case of emergencies.

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13 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 1262
Reviews: 13
Tue Aug 30, 2011 2:44 am
Shinrai says...



Thank you I'll fix that continuity error right now! :)
Shinrai (Japanese) means reliance, faith, trust, and confidence which are things that I hold value in and I strive to be reliable, faithful to God and the people I'm around, trustworthy, and confident so if you were wondering what my name means I hope this explains everything
  








I know history. There are many names in history, but none of them are ours.
— Richard Siken