Young Writers Society

So, I really wanted to write one. Sorry it's short... Enjoy!!
~~~

The doctors and nurses told me I wasn't supposed to remember. That it was fine if I didn't.
"You got injured, when the World Trade Center collapsed," They would say, attempting to keep their voices calm, even though I could see the shaking of their hands. "You are one of many. Consider yourself lucky." The doctors would say as they looked at a clipboard, their brows furrowed.
"You have a concussion." a nurse told me, as she watched the monitor.
"You have two broken legs." said another, as he fed me.

There were never ending, you haves, you're lucky, this happened, you aren't supposed to remembers.

But I do remember.
I remember the screams, the sirens, the snaps of bones as they were broken from the falling building.
I remember the police pushing us back, telling us, "It's not safe, you have to back up."

And I remember pushing the police man, and saying "My husband is up there. Let me go."
I remember the fire burning in my throat from the smoke.
I remember the plane. Then another.
I remember screaming my husband’s name, over and over again, as fireman carried dead people, injured people, unconscious people past.

The T.V. says close to 3,000 people died.
But they won't tell me if my husband did or not.
"When you're better," the nurses all say, smiling nervously.
"When you're out of the woods." the doctors say, with feeble bravado.

Don't they understand the need to know?
I'll never be out of the woods, really, if they don't tell me.
It is eating away at my insides, a monster tearing with claws, that no doctor could fix.

Maybe it would be easier, not to remember, not to remember the piece of building hurtling towards me, and me being too slow to move out from underneath it.
The impact of it as it caught my leg, pulling me down to the ground. The sudden silence that surrounded me, all the noise, smells and sights blurred from the pain rocketing up my spine.

"You aren't supposed to remember," they say, not answering my questions.
Just telling me what I already know.

I shouldn't be able to remember. But I do.

This is amazing! Absolutely great!
It describes so well the feelings that made me feel trapped in there too.You made a really good job in here!
Congratulations

Wow, that's brillent. I don't have anything to say other than that I wish it was longer. It's true that you're never out of the woods. That only happens before you enter them, and after you're long gone. I was able to picture the scene you described with ease. Excellent imagery! I think all the people from 9/11 would understand this best, and I'm glad you made the memoir for 9/11.
Congratulations on this excellent piece.

Hiya, Mr. Impressed here to revi- no wait, just comment really.

So, Mr. Impressed is Impressed, as you might've already fathomed from my introduction. This has meaning; it has a nice flow, and it's damn believable. Great job!

I noticed one disruptive portion:

"You have a concussion." a nurse told me, as she watched the monitor.

After concussion, you should have a period. I think there was at least one more part where this istake occured, so patch that one up too. Oh and also, after the first line of speech, "they" should be de-capitalized - except if you meant "they" to be important enough to be worthy of a capital T. Then it's ok.

But, as I said, I really found this a nice piece of writing. And the shortness doesn't bother me. In fact, the way it's short sort of accentuates the message you've going on here.

Do keep writing.
|Life|

I'm no good at giving constructive criticism for I don't know what to say really, what can I say that might help you? I do have this to say though. Your piece is so beautiful. It brought tears to my eyes. I have to agree the shortness of the piece does accentuate your message. Well done.

Wow, i love the emotion in this and the panic.This is amazing and really inspirational ,i think i am still in panic lol.

Hey, Llamita! The queen of commas is here. *evull laugh* Hehe... xD Anyways, I'm reviewing:

Nitpicks:

"You got injured, when the World Trade Center collapsed," Tthey would say, attempting to keep their voices calm, even though I could see the shaking of their hands.

Consider yourself lucky," the doctors would say as they looked at a clipboard, their brows furrowed.

"You have a concussion," a nurse told me, as she watched the monitor.

"You have two broken legs," said another, as he fed me.

"When you're out of the woods," the doctors say, with feeble bravado.

I think that it would be good if you add more thoughts. Tell us what the writer was feeling, we'd like to know so bad, cause we weren't there and we've never been through this situation. O.O Make us want to walk on the writer's shoes. Imagine you're your character, imagine you were there, get inside your story. Like here.

And I remember pushing the police man, and saying "My husband is up there. Let me go."

You could make this more interesting... How did she say that?
Describe: Her face. Was he holding her back? Did he seem relax? What was she thinking? Things like that. It's first person, so you can play with those stuff and hook the reader.
There's my advice. <3333 Keep writing and God bless!

~G