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Of Memories and Tea



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Tue Dec 13, 2011 5:52 am
Kafkaescence says...



Dusk dawned in a winter haze and lay sleeping across the westerly horizon. It was cold, tooth-numbing cold—curling my jacket around the summits of my shoulders, I quickened, or tried to quicken, the stiff gait that was carrying me like a lame horse through the fog-swallowed Boston roadway. My mind wandered with the light of the waning sun, speculating, pondering, gazing at the world from beneath the bleary surface of subconsciousness.
It was to be a long night.

There were others, too, fumbling down the frostbitten street; they throbbed forward like an ocean tide, like a school of fish compelled to sway wherever the current may take them. There was not a word, not a whisper; it dulled the senses, this dimness of light and sound and smell, made me inverted, only half-conscious of my darkening milieu. Sometimes people would brush against me, shapeless shadows in the peripheries of my vision, but they wouldn’t say anything and I wouldn’t say anything, either. It was like seeing everything through a watery film, that night.

Slowly, like something rising from beneath a dark liquid, the meeting house reared up before our collected eyes. It looked almost alive, unlit windows glaring, black clock beating like a muffled heart. I became aware of the crowd caving in on itself and dripping in through the gaping doors. We surrounded the edifice like a school of fish in a feeding ritual, gazing with unseeing eyes at a sinking corpse.

I was among the last to swim in through the open doorway and settle into the backcountry of the Old South Meeting House’s stone geography. Inside, it was louder—people at the front were squawking vehement patriotisms, and the din would ripple outward in swelling waves, degenerating from howls to whispers to thoughts. I would catch glimpses of high-strung diatribes, of elegant denunciations, as they floated down the crowd and out into the thick winter night. Sometimes they would sink into my hands, and I would admire them, beautiful and rigid and deadly.

A voice spoke, a loud voice, and our wandering mouths and wandering minds snapped into focus. Sam Adams speaks, murmured the fish in an imperceptible undertone—Sam Adams, Sam Adams, like a chant; and a deep silence washed over our bodies.

His voice rang; it rang with passion, and with eloquence, and it burned like fire in the cold air; it craved thought, and at the same time demanded attention; it was a poem, a spark of flame, a bloody wound, a bandage. Tea! he would cry, over and over and over again and the crowd would bubble like the innards of a hot kettle and echo Tea! with uniform intensity, and I, too, would drone indignantly as the swell of outcries found me in its exploration of the meeting house’s interior, though I knew little of the complexion of his speech, for I’d been eddied into a corner, and could hear little through the turbid silence.

Eventually Sam Adams’ speech took on a tone of entreaty; the crowd, being soaked in violent umbrage, and seeking a means to wring the zeal from their quivering bodies, began to simmer in excitement, so that the melodrama of the occasion fairly steamed from their gray skin. Every word the man poured from his lips, the crowd consumed, gurgled, swallowed; every gesticulation of his hands, the crowd would imitate fiercely; his meaning became half-lost in the fervor of their emulation.

But the men in the front—well-dressed fish, with stained neckties and bobbing top hats, threw off their clothes, save for some select undergarments, once the machinations of Adams’ scheme had been described. A gasp resonated backward as if a stone had been dropped in the stagnant pool of the meeting’s gravity, for we—I—had been hearing, but not listening; the meanings had been lost in the murky water that separated Adams from us, but the words’ empty shells had continued to swim even after their mortal strings had been cut. For what are words but mortal objects, to be lost and forgotten in the time?

I, too, slipped my coat and shirt from my body and let them drift heavily to the floor; upon this, I took to shivering, and throwing my arms across my bare, white chest, glanced about the room: some had followed the model of the men in front, or were in the process of doing so; some were looking about in stupid bewilderment; and most were contorting their faces in indignance or reluctance.

There was yelling, I think, and a great turbulence sprouted in the midst of the crowd. I found myself being churned in the direction of the door; chancing a glance back at Sam Adams, I saw him yelling frantically after us—the meeting wasn’t over. I felt sorry for him, almost, that social lightning rod, whose inflammatory character had betrayed him. But the school of fish kept wiggling along, and he soon passed out of sight, and the vast doors of the Old South Meeting House here hauled shut.

Some limbs and organs and arteries of the great mass we constituted were disguised as Indians—complexions mutilated with blotches of red and black paint, over the eyelids, over the hollow cheeks, over the chins and the lips and the ears. Some of these ringleaders of the crowd sprinted forward in clapping bare feet—disfiguring our amoebic form with eccentric tumors—and pierced the night with a dissonance of inhuman shrieks and hoots, which hung over our ears, ringing, and evaporated into the stars.

But all soon became silent and still, and there was only the splashing of feet over the cold, dry Boston road.

The Atlantic loomed wide and impenetrable before us, a mass of rippling blackness.

Drop the tea. Drop the tea.

It was a thought, the faintest of breaths, carried by an ancient ocean breeze that met us on its circumnavigation of the globe. It circulated between our shuffling feet, twisted itself into our ears, our minds; and we were of one purpose, one being.

Drop the tea. The tea.

I felt wood pawing at my naked toes, and realized that I was stepping onto a ship. There were ten or so here, resting their tired sails at the harbor. Three of them held the object of our hatred and our desire. The rest were warships.

The tea.

And the first splash met my ears.

I don’t remember much of those three long hours. It was tedious work, this lifting and throwing and shivering; at times I would forget what I was doing there, and sigh myself into listlessness, but the fish and Indians undulating from beneath their dark veil would whisper purpose into my soul and I would stand and work with newfound diligence. We toiled by the flickering light of our patriotism.

There was something otherworldly about that night, the steady pulse of tea chests beating like Indian drums against the seafloor, the friction of unclothed bodies against the wind, the smell of paint and mud and skin. We delved—each and all of us—into our own one-dimensional microcosms, that night—asleep, omnipresent. Sometimes we would speak to one another, but were answered only by a brusque nod of the head or a murmured syllable and then the silent infinity of night’s embrace.

Sometime toward the dawn, I think, a man next to me asked me what I thought of the whole affair. Would it make a point to the them? he asked, gesturing with a tilt of his painted countenance toward what I could only just make out as the warships.

It was more to make a point to myself, I told him, and he nodded let fall a chest of tea. We watched it drip down through the air, watched the fingers of the Atlantic grope upward and seize it, and it was gone.


I still remember that night, the night of the tea. It clouded my mind, became all I could think of, all I could care to discuss; everything else became trivial, and disgusting, and faded from me like fish from a winter stream. My wife diagnosed me as ill—indeed, I am still considered ill, and rarely do I ever see her anymore. She has gotten another husband, and another son, but I cannot bring myself to care for such things.

I have since learned that the ship I had boarded was called the Dartmouth.

Sam Adams, I hear, is out on the streets more than ever. I feel no resentment toward the man, nor remorse toward the deed I had—so long ago—committed under his command. Perhaps I will see him again; perhaps he has grown a beard, and is now old like myself; but then, perhaps I will not. After all, my room’s window is narrow, and is always pointed seaward.

Spoiler! :
So, Boston Tea Party, obviously. I could find little information in regards to the specifics of the meeting prior to the event, so most of what you see here is speculation; if you guys happen to come across any information incongruous with what I've got here, I'd love to hear it.
#TNT

WRFF
  





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Tue Dec 13, 2011 9:02 am
Lavvie says...



Hi there Kafka! 'Tis Lavvie, obviously.

My, my. I cannot deny that this is well done indeed and you've succeeded probably in making an impression on all those who'll read this. You're exceedingly eloquent. So, good for that.

However, the entirety of this short story simply oozes grandiloquence. Personally, I feel like you've just totally smothered the actual depth and substance this story possesses. You went on for awhile at first, spewing out elaborate words every other one, until we actually reached the main excitement, when the tea is being dropped. Nevertheless, I was disappointed to feel that this major moment didn't strike much of a tone within me. Like I've mentioned, you're smothering everything and sometimes I feel myself straying from the main idea. This is perhaps (and probably) because of the extravagance you've developed with your prose. I'm not saying this is bad. Not at all! It is truly beautiful and enjoyable to read, however it's just as distracting, too. Possessing a decent vocabulary is clearly very valuable and helpful as a writer, but you mustn't just spew out words all the time. Simplicity is also sometimes just as good as something elaborate, right? And maybe even just rephrasing things rather than some long, drawn-out sentence would help? It depends, really.

Secondly, I was extremely disappointed when time came for the tea-dropping. I expected something much more... impressing? It was nice - and expected - to write "those next three hours...", but it's also kind of lazy. It works completely fine, but maybe you could incorporate something beforehand? You've made us, as readers, aware that this guy, the protagonist, is hesitant about dropping the tea, but it's not entirely clear or prominent. Personally, I'd like to read about this guy's thoughts more than anything. Currently, you've lent us a nice, if very objective, narration. There's not a whole lot of emotion and it's near unbearably formal. What of this guy? When someone asks him what he thought of the tea-dropping? I'd like to know. It's crucial to readers understanding a short-story protagonist, to convince us whether or not to agree with the protagonist. Because we can choose not to if we're really not so in love with them as we should be.

And to end here with the ending. The ending was by far the most disappointing and biggest let-down I have had from someone so skilled as you with creative writing. It just kind of summed things up and it felt very juvenile and not very literary. The story can totally do without it, unless it's important. If you insist then, make us realize why this guy's life afterward summed up in two measly paragraphs is so important. I'm not going to go away without an explanation, Kafka ;)

And one itsy-bitsy nitpick:

There was yelling, I think, and a great turbulence sprouted in the midst of the crowd.


I can't quite place my finger on it, but I wasn't a huge fan of this line. It may just be because I dislike the verb 'sprouted' unless directly associated with plant-life or something living. Or maybe it's just too simple for how you've written the other parts of this short story. I know that statement cancels out what I wrote previously, but that's part of the problem. In some places, you aren't very consistent with your eloquence and then it just breaks up.

Bah. Well. I liked it. I'm sorry I couldn't offer much historical advice, but American history isn't very prominent in the Canadian curriculum so I know little. I know of the Tea Party and some basics, but that's about it. So, sorry about that.

Anyway.

Yours,
Lavvie


What is to give light must endure burning. – Viktor Frankl
  





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Tue Dec 13, 2011 7:28 pm
sargsauce says...



A very good read. Skilled wordsmanship and a composition as sturdy and thick as a well-made rug. The threads continue from one end to another, between the fish metaphor and the use of the sensation of being encased in skin and thudding to get out.

I must agree with Lavvie that you're a bit verbose. The trouble is that your prose is too level-headed for your narrator's supposed hysteria. I never felt patriotism from him. I never felt the wild anger or the (somewhat literal) naked zeal that I expect we should feel from him. In fact, your narrator, at first, struck me as someone who was going to observe but not partake. Like this line:
the melodrama of the occasion fairly steamed from their gray skin.

where it's talking about how the events affect them and the "melodrama" (a word often used in a negative connotation to describe the overreaction of others) affects them. I suppose we're in your narrator's memories and in the present that he is recalling the story, he feels shame or guilt, but he cannot displace the responsibility and say it was their feelings and their actions.

I did like this line very much:
soaked in violent umbrage, and seeking a means to wring the zeal from their quivering bodies

It's one of those lines that makes us feel like we're wrapped in skin and it feels weird and we want to break free.

His voice rang; it rang with passion, and with eloquence

Stuff like this, I think, separates us from the emotion. It's a call to arms where the speech is "indignance, passion, reason, well-thought-out metaphor, metaphor continued, effective closing that recapitulates the beginning." Like watching a speech on the History channel while it's muted. I know you're purposely not using quotes, but I'd like something more telling about Sam Adams' speech.

Sam Adams, I saw him yelling frantically after us—the meeting wasn’t over. I felt sorry for him, almost, that social lightning rod, whose inflammatory character had betrayed him.

I would have liked this idea explored more; I found the thought of a runaway mob rather interesting.

You become oddly quiet once they reach the ship. The writing becomes choppier, which is appropriate, but the level of detachment is still the same. I felt too far from the action and lost that feeling of being in my skin, much less being in the action. I was also very surprised that there wasn't a single description of the splashing as the chests fell in the water. I would think that would be something that sticks out in one's memory, since they're working in--what seems--otherwise silence.

I would have been happy if the story ended with this line:
and it was gone.

The tacked on two paragraphs only serve to give us the vantage point that makes this all memories. You also put forth the idea of an obsession, but it's lost because of how detached the narration sometimes felt, as mentioned earlier. I did, however, like the very last line about the window in its own right.
  








In dreams, we enter a world that's entirely our own.
— Albus Dumbledore