Young Writers Society

*This is part fanfiction but mostly it's part of RP. That may explain why it is not completely clear because the writing assumes so much knowledge already gained. Eh, enjoy.


December 6th

Dearest Gwen,

Forgive my handwriting, please. My right side is still weak and I don’t yet have its coordination back.

I never had the chance to thank you, did I? You came in at just the right time and I shudder to think what would have happened to me had you not came in just then. You’ve saved my life and my kingdom, and for that I am eternally in your debt.

However, as arrogant as it may seem, I’d like to keep the incident between us. For one, my pride couldn’t take it. And for your own personal peace, you should not repeat the incidents that occurred within the Black City. I request that we keep these things within our group.

We’re getting along fine back here. As well as one can expect. My people show me courage each and every day. Their strength is contagious. We’re working hard to rebuild Hoax. Kazsas is nearly completely washed out of people. Seles too, is being worked on but that city has mostly been all lost. I feel a sting of guilt about it too. If only we had stayed one more day, we might have defended the city.

Avril, in the end, chose to stay behind and help with things around here. She’s told me she has nothing to go home to. Truthfully, I think she is staying because she feels the compulsive need to. She cannot walk away from what has happened here.

I hope all is well with you. I have to confess, though embarrassing, I wish you would have stayed behind. And my reasoning is beyond my own understanding. Part of it, I believe, is that I fear you and the others will not return.

The events that have brought us together and the experiences we’ve shared hold tight around me. I’m left feeling utterly compelled. As far off as this all seems, I believe it. I cannot help but believe that this is all a real destiny. A real responsibility we all must hold.

Best Regards,

William Maynard




I set down my quill, rubbing the space between my eyes to relieve my headache. Already I felt distant from them. My letters had not been completely revealing and I’m not sure if it could even be called honest. I purposely left out the bulk of the details, perhaps even fabricated an image. Even as I consciously ignored what needed to be said, what my heart ached to reveal, I felt a detachment from it.

A woman with a background such as Gwen’s would surely know of the outcomes of war. My country has been left at the brink of destruction and I’m not entirely confident that I can re-assemble the pieces.

For the past few days I’ve been ran to exhaustion, both physically and emotionally. I’ve fully involved myself in the recovery process as much as my supervisors will allow.

Frustratingly, I’ve become very limited as far as strength goes. My wound plagues me terribly, as does my head. My recent drinking habit I’ve picked up does not help. Many times a day I have to stop and recollect myself from nausea and vertigo. I believe it is the stress that’s getting to me, as do my physicians. Dear Avril is worried about me and keeps by my side. I can see the concern in her eyes. However, I can also see the support that shines in them, leading me out of heartache. Not entirely, but enough to get me through another day.

Even though the battle was won, I feel as if we’ve lost so much more than we’ve gained.

I sigh, wearily. I fold the letter and fit it into an envelope, sealing it with my father’s wax seals. I hand it off to a message carrier and send him away.

Par 3: "I don’t yet have its coordination back."
Maybe "my coordination" instead of "its".

Par 4 "...and I shudder to think"
You can probably leave out everything after "had you not".

Par 5: "you should not repeat the incidents that occurred"
I assume you mean "talk about" by repeat here. Normally, though "repeat" means "talk about" only if you're repeating something that someone else has already said, and is not applied to talking about something that happened.

Par 6: "We’re getting along fine back here. As well as one can expect."
Should this be one sentence? The pause adds something but it seems odd that someone writing a letter would write it this way.

"I feel a sting of guilt about it too"
"too" seems unnecessary.

Par 7: "Truthfully, I think she is staying because she feels the compulsive need to. She cannot walk away from what has happened here."
The first sentence is circular in that it doesn't explain anything. Its meaning can probably be condensed into the second sentence.

Par 13: "A woman with a background such as Gwen’s"
"like Gwen's" or "with Gwen's background" are simpler and clearer.

"brink of destruction"
3-star cliche

Par 14: "been ran to exhaustion"
Run is the passive form of the verb

Par 15: "I’ve fully involved myself in the recovery process as much as my supervisors will allow."
This could use a comma or some sort of pause after "process".

Par 16: "Frustratingly, I’ve become..."
It's the lack of strength that's frustrating, not the becoming. "I've become frustratingly weak". Maybe hint at why that is happening, although the next part does a pretty good job of it.

"My recent drinking habit I’ve picked up does not help"
Perhaps "The recent drinking habit"? More simple is "My drinking doesn't help".

"recollect" means to remember. Collect works just fine here.

"However, I can also see the support that shines in them, leading me out of heartache. Not entirely, but enough to get me through another day."
This could all stand to be reworked.

Par 18: "I fold the letter and fit it into an envelope, sealing it with my father’s wax seals"
"...envelope, and seal it with my father's signet."
I noticed the plural here. Usually a noble carries only one signet. Is this culture different?

Okay, fun read! I like the contrast between the more positive tone of the letter and the more personal narrative that William tells afterward.