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Wed Jan 24, 2007 1:05 am
EstelPax says...



Why did you turn?
Why did you let me burn?
Why did you go? Cause I love you so.
Who are you?
  





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Wed Jan 24, 2007 5:58 am
Loose says...



im lucy, who are you?
  





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Wed Jan 24, 2007 9:51 am
Shine says...



Alanna wrote:Why did you turn?
Why did you let me burn?
Why did you go? Cause I love you so.
Who are you?


The first four lines had some kind of a story,the readers could link them,but the last line was meaningless or may be I couldn't get the meaning.

Keep writing! :)
"A good plot is like a dream.If you dont write down your dream on paper the moment you wake up,the chances are you'll forget it and it'll be gone forever"-Roald Dalh.
  





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Wed Jan 24, 2007 2:53 pm
deleted6 says...



Something that could make this better is too answer the questions. It just seems like a set of questions right now not poetry. You should put something that give us it a from, because as i said it just like questions right now not poetry
We get off to the rhythm of the trigger and destruction. Fallujah to New Orleans with impunity to kill. We are the hidden fist of the free market.
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Sat Jan 27, 2007 4:36 am
EstelPax says...



Well this was based on questions that Anakin Skywalker,Obi-Wan Kenobi,Tahiri Veila,and Han Solo might ask.The one awnser is Anakin Solo's. Tahiriand Anakin are expanded universe characters as is the recipient of Han's question Jacen Solo his only living son.
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Sat Jan 27, 2007 5:59 am
Emerson says...



So you wrote a poem about...star wars? *is very confused*

As a poem it is a...bad poem. People read poetry in hopes of being able to take away some emotion, be it happiness, sadness, or surprise.

This just leaves one...wondering what was going on when it got written. Questions are never good poetry; at least not when that is all there is....
β€œIt's necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo
  





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Sat Jan 27, 2007 7:24 am
Incandescence says...



Alanna:


What is this?

Go away.


Best,
Brad
"If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders." -Hal Abelson
  





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Sat Jan 27, 2007 7:31 am
Snoink says...



This seems to be more of an outline for a poem than anything. Try to add on to it more. For example, for me the questions are not that important. For me, what is important is why the questions are asked in the first place. So keep this as an outline, but expand it more and give reasons to why the questions are asked.

And make this a little more to do with Star Wars. Right now, your fandom of it is iffy, at best. ;)
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

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Sun Jan 28, 2007 7:22 pm
EstelPax says...



Go It.
Lanna
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