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Young Writers Society


Golden Smoke



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Wed Feb 07, 2007 10:30 pm
Lilyy03 says...



Underneath Giza, Egypt, 1997

The glyphs were smaller here, and more crowded. It was as if their creator had been running out of time and space, but still had much that needed to be written.

Harry moved his lighted wand a little closer to the wall.

“I’ve never seen any of these,” said Bill, doing the same. His jagged teeth glinted as he spoke.

“I don’t suppose anyone ever has.” Harry turned from the wall, and peered into the dark, narrow hall ahead of them. “We’d better go on.”

A silent moment passed.

“Bill?” said Harry.

“Harry, look at this.”

Bill’s clawed hand was pointing at a an unusually long glyph. It was in the shape of four interlocked lightning bolts. Harry bit his lip.

“We need to go on.”

The pair moved off. Bill walked ahead. Harry found himself staring at the back of the man’s head, and spotted a streak of the old red hair beneath the dark fur. It brought back the thoughts that Harry had carefully held at bay--somewhere, far above them, Ron was suspended between life, death, and living death. Hermione was probably still with him--a trembling but dry-eyed sentinel. Harry hoped Neville and the others had found them by now. Harry hoped they were all still alive.

He was jerked out of his guilt-filled reverie when Bill stopped. The hall had ended in a door-shaped opening. Nothing but blackness could be seen beyond. Bill tentatively extended one foot past it, and there was soft clunk as it touched something solid.

“Well, looks like there’s at least part of a staircase down there.” He glanced over his should at Harry, a faltering grin on his craggy face. He took one step into the darkness, and then another.

Harry followed. As soon as he entered, the light of his wand shrank into a quivering speck. He moved his feet slowly and carefully, relying on them and the sound of Bill ahead of him to keep himself from falling.

Bill ahead of him. That wasn’t right.

"Wait," said Harry. He felt as if his voice was engulfed by the darkness. "I should go first."

"No you shouldn't."

"Yes," said Harry. "Enough has happened to you and your family--"

"No," said Bill. A growl crept into his voice. "Harry, I'm not that important. You're the one who can't be replaced."

Harry was silent. They continued downwards. It seemed to him that the dusty, stuffy air was growing cooler and fresher the further they went. It couldn't be, but it was. Soon the darkness--the blackness--grew lighter too. A soft golden luster was slinking into it. Before long he could see Bill's silhouette once more.

The stairs leveled off, and they were in a hallway again. It was wider than any previous one they had been in, and its ceiling was higher. But there was something else that seized their attention.

The floor was covered with a golden smoke. At least, it seemed a little like smoke. It looked light, and curly wisps of it occasionally reared up and sank. It lapped against the walls, against the last step of the stairs, and against their feet.

Entranced, Harry found himself bending over and gently running the tip of his wand along its surface. When he pulled it up, strands of the smoke fell back down in swift rivulets. But as they fell, there was a translucent blue glimmer between them. Harry thought he saw glimpses of eyes, and faces, and people in it.

"Harry!" said Bill in a loud whisper. He was standing a few feet ahead with his back to Harry, just before a point where the hall curved to the left.

Harry straightened up. He blinked, feeling as if he'd woken from a blurry dream. He hurried over to Bill. He took a step past him, and saw what the man had been staring at.

The golden smoke seemed to be flowing out of a point in the wall some distance away. As it fell to the ground, the blue haze appeared in it. Harry could clearly see the images of people. But not all of them were staying there.

Beside the spout in the wall was a hunched figure in billowing black robes. A hood was drawn down over its face. From one sleeve came a hand with long, skeletal fingers. They reached into the blue, wrapped around one of the small figures--it seemed to be a young boy--and began to pull him out.

The robed figure paused. It tilted its head in Harry's direction.

"Good morning, Harry."

It was not an eerie, sinister voice as Harry would have imagined. It was decidedly human, and familiar. His heart thrummed against his ribs, as his apprehension bloomed into wonder and disbelief. He realized whose voice it was.

Note about where the heck I got the idea for this: The idea for this sketch thing (I don't think it really qualifies as a story) was something that cropped up in some cover art I photoshopped yesterday. Something I'd originally done to cover up empty space or unwanted parts of images turned out to feel like something on its own. Hence, this.
  





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Fri Feb 23, 2007 2:48 pm
LuckiestLoser says...



I have to say I really enjoyed this and I don't know whether it was your intention or not, but it read like Harry Potter and I think you captured Harry's character really well.

The only thing I don't understand is the location and the date: "Underneath Giza, Egypt, 1997", but maybe that was the point?

I liked how it flowed and drew me further into the story and the ending is full of suspense.

I would love to read more if you have plans to expand on this.
The road outside my house is paved with good intentions...
  





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Fri Feb 23, 2007 5:52 pm
Lilyy03 says...



Oh, thank you! ^_^ I'm glad you enjoyed it. (I'm actually not planning on writing more of it, though. :oops: )

Yeah, the location and date was a little random... I just wanted to make it clear that they were in Egypt, to explain why Bill was there. :?

Thanks again. :)
  





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Tue Mar 13, 2007 4:33 am
paintedcookie says...



I really enjoyed this as well. This has been one of the few stories I've read lately that has made me want to read every single word and to keep on going till the end instead of just skimming through it. Your language and word skills are very impressive and the storyline was suspenseful.

It's a shame you aren't continuing it though! I want to know who the cloaked figure is! ^_^
  





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Tue Mar 13, 2007 4:48 am
Wiggy says...



Whose voice is it?
"I will have to tell you, you have bewitched me body and soul..." --Mr. Darcy, P & P, 2005 movie
"You pierce my soul." --Cpt. Frederick Wentworth

Got YWS?
  





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Tue Mar 13, 2007 4:06 pm
Lilyy03 says...



Paintedcookie - *blushes* Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Wiggy - Your guess is as good as mine! :D
  





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Tue Nov 02, 2010 7:32 am
IgnisandGlacialis says...



Wow, you're a very good writer!
I liked your descriptions and the development of character even though it was quite short. I loved this, very much.
WHO? I'm aching to know who the voice was! Was it Dumbledore? Sirius? Please, I must know!
That's how much I loved it; I wanted to find out more!
Keep writing, I really love your style!
God bless,
Ignis :pirate3:
The POTATO of DOOM

A thousand times it calls your name
A thousand times you hear it
And fools are those who heed its call
But fools are those who fear it.


The Interesting Thoughts of Edward Monkton
  





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Sun Nov 07, 2010 5:51 pm
Celticmusicgirl says...



ok so I'm not very familiar with Harry potter but this actually made sense. There were maybe two or three errors I saw.
Bill’s clawed hand was pointing at a an unusually long glyph. It was in the shape of four interlocked lightning bolts. Harry bit his lip. ok so here you said "a an" common typo everyone makes this kind of mistake. just take out "a".
Harry hoped Neville and the others had found them by now. Harry hoped they were all still alive.
ok here "Harry" gets a bit unnecessary. Keep writing please i would love to find out more. I want to know so badly who's voice it was. If you have any questions, comments, or want to discuss anythign at all with me just feel free to PM me.
"No life is forever. We found and fought here. We loved and died here... The crops whither and the bones of hunger walk the sunken roads... The land has failed us... In dance and song we gift and mourn our children. They carry us over the ocean in dance and song.
-American Wake by Riverdance
  








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