Young Writers Society

Tonks stared at her reflection in the mirror. She looked almost as bad as she felt. Since Sirius dying everything had gone wrong. What had she done for all of this to happen to her? She hadn't done anything wrong, now that she thought about it. It was meant to happen. Maybe all of this sadness was to show her that life isn't a joke. To show her that though one may be sad about tragedys not close to them, they need to experience the tragedy themselves to be able to grow stronger, and fight better.

"Sirius, Dumbledore." She shook her head and a tear ran down her cheek. All of her sadness was, however, marked with something wonderfully happy. Lupin had eventually realized that Tonks would want him no matter what. That she loved him as much as Mrs Weasely loved her children and that Tonks felt the way that Fleur felt about Bill about him. They were, a merry couple wasn't the right phrase. More like a saddened couple, but a couple nonetheless who loved each other very much for Tonks was not the only one to love. Lupin loved Tonks although he had been very effective at hiding it. He had thought that rejected her would save her pain but it didn't. It only increased the pain she was going through.

" How are you?" Tonks turned away from the mirror to look at Lupin.

" Fine." She said quietly, her voice shaking slightly. Lupin walked over to stand beside her.

" You don't look fine. You look as if you've just been crying." Lupin spoke so softly that Tonks just wanted to confide everything to him, in his arms.

" True enough." Tonks lifted her wand to conjure a tissue which she was about to dab her eyes with to wipe away the tears. Before she could use the tissue however Lupin had taken it from her hands and was very gently dabbing her eyes and cleaning away the salty tears from her face. When he had finished both Tonks and Lupin looked at there reflections in the mirror.

" What's going to happen next Remus? Who's going to die next?" There was a sharp and upsettingly sad edge to her voice. She put her head on his shoulder, still staring at her reflection. He wrapped his arms round her and answered.

" I don't know."




The door creacked open and Hermionie poked her head round the door.

" Tea's.." Hermioni stopped speaking and smiled as she looked at Tonks and Lupin. Tonks head was resting on Lupins chest and her eyes were closed. Lupin had his eyes shut too and his arms were holding Tonks tighlty. They were lying on a the bed together and Hermionie softly shut the door behind her, not wanting to disturb them. She silently crept down to the kitchen.

" Are they coming?" Asked Mrs Weasley in a slightly harrased voice.

" They were sleeping." Hermionie whispered. Allthough Tonks and Lupin were upstairs in Tonks room, 4 flights of stairs up Hermionie still whispred. The reason for this being the sight was so beatuifal that it brought tears to her eyes. Tears of sadness and happiness. The tears of happiness for it was wonderful that such a beautifal thing as that could still exist during these dark times but tears of sadness because Hermionie did not know how long such beauty could remain.

" What's wrong Hermionie?" Asked Mrs Weasley kindly. Mrs Weasley waved her wand and a chair pulled itself out from under the table and waited for Hermionie to sit on it. Mrs Weasly drew up a chair for herself and sat down next to Hermionie.

" Nothing Mrs Weasley."

" It does not look like nothing to me." Said Mrs Weasley.

" Oh. It's just that how can something so beautifal as Tonks and Lupin last?" Mrs Weasley nodded her head in understanding.

" I know what you mean Hermionie. Remember this, even though we may be livng in dark and troubled times as long as humanity exists then beauty can and will be found." Hermionie smiled slightly and Mrs Weasley hugged her quickly. She stood up and started bustling around in the kitchen again.

" Can you do me a favour dear and go get Ron, Harry and Ginny?"

" Yes. Of course." Hermionie stood up and walked out of the kitchen and into the garden to get Ron, Harry and Ginny. They were practising Quiiditch and Harry and Ginny were trying to improve Ron's goalkeeping.

" RON! That was an easy save! How could you have missed it?" Asked Ginny angrily. Ron was the same shade of red as a quaffle.

" Well. That was a really easy save Ron. How could you have missed it?" Said Harry, trying not to laugh.

" I was distracted. By Hermionie." Ron pointed over at Hermionie who had walked over to where Ron, Harry and Ginny were on there broms. She had been standing watching them for about 2 minutes.

" Oh. Sorry. Your mother asked me to get you to come in for tea." Hermionie said sheepishly. She was very embarrassed and once she had said what she had been asked to say scurried away into some bushes nearby.

What do u call that?

Yay! A HP fanfiction with Tonks! She's one of my favorite characters, and Tonks/Lupin is adorable.

Okay, right. Your critique.

To show her that though one may be sad about tragedys not close to them, they need to experience the tragedy themselves to be able to grow stronger, and fight better.

*Tragedies.

That she loved him as much as Mrs Weasely loved her children and that Tonks felt the way that Fleur felt about Bill about him.

Mrs. always needs a period after it, since it's an abbreviation. So it would be Mrs. Weasely.

You don't need a space between the first quotation mark and the letter.

" Fine." She said quietly, her voice shaking slightly.

Here, you'd have a comma instead of a period after fine, and the S in she wouldn't be capitalized. Like this:

"Fine," she said quietly, her voice shaking slightly.

" What's going to happen next Remus? Who's going to die next?"

You need a comma after the first next, and I think it would flow better without the second.

" Tea's.." Hermioni stopped speaking and smiled as she looked at Tonks and Lupin.

You might want to double check the spelling of Hermione (Hermionie? Hermioni?) in one of the books. I think it's the first one, though. My spell check doesn't count it as wrong, but it's not in the dictionary. (Hermione.)

" Are they coming?" Asked Mrs Weasley in a slightly harrased voice.

No capital on asked.

" They were sleeping." Hermionie whispered.

Comma instead of period after sleeping.

" It does not look like nothing to me." Said Mrs Weasley.

Comma after me, said shouldn't be capitalized. Plus the period-after-Mrs. thing.

" RON! That was an easy save! How could you have missed it?" Asked Ginny angrily.

Asked shouldn't be capitalized.

" Well. That was a really easy save Ron. How could you have missed it?" Said Harry, trying not to laugh.

Neither should said. Never capitalize the tags if they're connected to the back of a quote. I hope that makes sense, lol.

In fiction, try to spell out numbers twenty and under, as well as thirty, forty, fifty, etc.

Apart from those tiny spelling and grammar mistakes, I thought this was really well written. The dialogue seemed natural, and fit the book characters, and the descriptions were vivid, and to the point. Nicely done.

I like how you just show a little clip from their lives. It's cute to see them recovering. Also, it's refreshing to have a HP story that isn't Harry-centric.

Thanks a lot for posting! I'd love to read more of your fanfictions if you've got any.

-Jennaa

vixeyt wrote:" I was distracted. By Hermionie." Ron pointed over at Hermionie who had walked over to where Ron, Harry and Ginny were on there broms. She had been standing watching them for about 2 minutes.

I really like this, but you misspelled "brooms" and "Hermione".

There are a few other mistakes, but if you read through you should find them.

I really liked the Tonks/Lupin part; it was very believable. You interpreted what Tonks was feeling very well.

Great job!

~Pyx

I liked the Tonks/Lupin scene. It was very sweet.

RON! That was an easy save! How could you have missed it?" Asked Ginny angrily. Ron was the same shade of red as a quaffle.

" Well. That was a really easy save Ron. How could you have missed it?" Said Harry, trying not to laugh.

That part sounded a little funny though; Harry and Ginny said basically the same thing.

Other than that, I liked this story.

Nice. I like hearing about Tonks and Lupin. I really hope they're in book 7 a lot.
A few grammer errors here and there, some sentences that could be shorter and more clear, but the one thing that stuck out for me was that you can show characters' moods without actually stating it.

She was very embarrassed and once she had said what she had been asked to say scurried away into some bushes nearby.

you just said "Hermione said sheepishly." i know i'm nit-picking, but to say that she's embarrassed isn't necessary, cause i already knew it. just a thought